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General Parenting
Making amends to my parents...
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 759869" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear Paul</p><p></p><p>Ditto what the others have said. All of it is water under the bridge. If my son would or could write or speak what you have written, all of the pain, regret, fear, and guilt in me would evaporate. All there is under all of it is love and hope. </p><p></p><p>All of us do the best we can. In my view life is for learning and gradually to become the best person that we can be. In my book, all that you went through (and hopefully, for your parents too) will serve to deepen and strengthen your character and expand your heart for others, and hopefully for yourself.</p><p></p><p>Nothing at all is served by your falling onto your sword. You are allowed to make mistakes and to change. The past is gone, there is only right now. I think a simple "I am sorry" is enough...along with the commitment and follow through to live an ethical and responsible life. </p><p></p><p>Nobody turns on a dime. It's little by little. Like an ocean liner. Please don't be too hard on yourself. </p><p></p><p>I want to add something that could be somewhat painful and difficult. Trust and confidence are a muscle. It might be a while before your parents can trust the change that they are seeing with their eyes. Partly because they've been bruised, and fear being hurt and disappointed again. But also because parents are humans too. We are damaged by our own acts, our own lives, our own childhood. You are not responsible for the hurt in your parents. They are. And they are the ones who must heal themselves. This is not your baggage. </p><p></p><p>I think the most important thing is to forgive yourself. And the hardest. Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 759869, member: 18958"] Dear Paul Ditto what the others have said. All of it is water under the bridge. If my son would or could write or speak what you have written, all of the pain, regret, fear, and guilt in me would evaporate. All there is under all of it is love and hope. All of us do the best we can. In my view life is for learning and gradually to become the best person that we can be. In my book, all that you went through (and hopefully, for your parents too) will serve to deepen and strengthen your character and expand your heart for others, and hopefully for yourself. Nothing at all is served by your falling onto your sword. You are allowed to make mistakes and to change. The past is gone, there is only right now. I think a simple "I am sorry" is enough...along with the commitment and follow through to live an ethical and responsible life. Nobody turns on a dime. It's little by little. Like an ocean liner. Please don't be too hard on yourself. I want to add something that could be somewhat painful and difficult. Trust and confidence are a muscle. It might be a while before your parents can trust the change that they are seeing with their eyes. Partly because they've been bruised, and fear being hurt and disappointed again. But also because parents are humans too. We are damaged by our own acts, our own lives, our own childhood. You are not responsible for the hurt in your parents. They are. And they are the ones who must heal themselves. This is not your baggage. I think the most important thing is to forgive yourself. And the hardest. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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