Hello, This is a LONG post. Story of my struggle with my son who we adopted 10 years ago on national adoption day in AZ. I’m a mom of 4 my oldest J, my child I don’t understand and not sure where to go from here. Past history: I became foster parent at 23 husband 25 because J was in foster care and was my husband biological nephew. No one else on my husband side could take him because they have records or were on drugs. We just moved to AZ when we started the adoption process. The first year of my sons life he was given cows milk and soda not the vitamins a baby needs. His bio mom past him around to anyone who would take him. He was called the community baby. He called every women “mom”. His bio mom did not test positive when she gave birth to him but did not get prenatal care until after 6 months. Shorty after he was taken from her she overdosed and nearly died in a side walk. I fostered him at age 2. Adopted him at 3. He had to get extensive dental work done from bottle rot. Things seemed pretty well until we put him in daycare and he started biting but it got better. Then I wanted a childcare that would teach him a bit more so I moved him.. Well there he had got written him up twice in a week for not wanting to nap and screaming. So I moved him again because they were about to kick him out. Fast forward to elementary... He went to headstart seemed good. Then Kindergarten I was noticing he can’t sit still he never seemed tired always waking up by 5am even if I had him stay up late. It would take him like 30 minutes to get shoes on. Teacher was sending him to the office and the school would call me and tell me to pick him up because he refused to listen. I took him to a BHR to be evaluated said he has adhd but won’t medicate him until first grade. I was upset because he couldn’t sit still and listen so he lost that whole year. He ended up getting put on adhd medications that next year but the school did hold him back in kindergarten. Fast forward to 3rd grade. He never bring home school/field trip forms or anything. He struggles in school but tries. Teachers love him and I cried at his conference because it was the first one I ever have that was positive and his teacher even told me that she had no idea he was one of her ADHD students. Fast forward to now 6th grade almost 13! I always had issues with my son and it sucks because it’s hard to feel like a good mom to him because Im constantly having to disaplian him and take just about everything away. All are kids have chore sheets same chores every week and Friday is payday but only if your room is clean and if it’s not clean you forgo your pay and are grounded until room gets cleaned. My oldest J is the only one who never completes his task. We have to remind him over and over and he get mad because he know. He know everything and is never wrong... He spelled my daughters milk off counter and said she was stupid for having it there. I told him to say sorry and clean it up. I told him it was his fault and it was an accident so it’s okay but calling his sister a name is unacceptable! He cleaned it but don’t think it his fault. He lies and I think he really believes his lies. His papa got him a trumpet and I looked through his backpack and trumpet case and his trumpet it ruined! The keys were taken apart one completely missing and dents everywhere. When asked why he did this it’s ALWAYS I dunno... found mouthwash in his backpack asked why once again he said no reason (recently had got a g/f) I know why.. He started not asking for permission and just doing what he wants because he knows the answer would be no. Found a scary dvd ask why with his dad on speaker is when finally he admitted he let his friend barrow it but didn’t care to ask if that was ok? Not to mention it’s rated R. He will wake up at 4am to watch tv. I have to take remotes to my room so he can’t. I may have to lock the pantry up because he know he not supposed to have sugar in morning but he eats sugar and leaves a trail behind him. He won’t put clean clothes away and tells people I took all his clothes. I just caught up all the laundry and that’s where all his clothes were. I rewash so many clean cloths of his I get upset. How do I get him to admit when he at fault so he can fix it and move on. He only seems to care about himself this is not how he is raised. When he has a reward at the end of a chore he’ll do it no problem but if it’s because I need it done it a big deal. He screams at me a lot and I feel I’m at my wit end. He very over dermatic. The other day there was cake on counter that we put in the fridge after dinner. The next morning he wakes up see it in the fridge and says angerley”what we have cake why did no one tell me?! That’s like there being a fire and I’m asleep and no one wakes me so I burn.” I was like what?! Over cake! The most frustrating thing is at school he is a good kid, teachers like him he has B & C and doesn’t get into trouble. On vacation, public places and friends houses hes great. At home when asked to do anything it’s a mess. I at time would rather ask my other younger kids or do it myself before asking him because with him it’s an nightmare. We know hes ADHD but thinking he must have another disorder... teacher say his follow through is bad. And that is same with home every task only gets completed 60% of the way unless I’m right there with him. I always think my hard work is paying off then we have weeks where I’m just lost and confused on what to do. He is the most distructive kid I ever met. Some recent things he ruined and has no clue how they happened. He wrote his name on my wall then dig it out so I don’t see his name. Wrote his name on his dads Gatuair and took all strings off, broke his trumpet we thought he liked. Tore toes off a alligator statue he had for 5 year that a family friend gave to him. He ruins his school binders. Ruin his back we got 8 months ago. L He cuts wires and I find gadgets under his bed of things he take apart. He has a good side to him that come out but doesn’t ever last long enough. Been open about him being adopted since the beginning because I didn’t ever want him to feel like it was something to hide. He know his bio dad is a drug addict in and out of prison and he knows bio mom is a druggy to. He hates drugs and I’m thankful for that. He talks highly about me to family friends but with him I don’t know how he love me when I feel all I do is disaplain him. I tell him I hope when he looks back he can see how much I cared and loved him. I told him it my job to get you help if you need it as that is what I signed up for 10 years ago. My husband is a government contractor so he is gone a lot. Life is easier when he is home because J will only push him so far plus I have someone else to help manage him. Oh and at home it is not just me he yells at(it use to be only me but now it’s so bad) His nana and papa and aunt people I never thought he would act this way to. I feel he pushes everyone away and it’s heartbreaking. I don’t even want him around me at times because he wants to be rude and always right and argue over stupid stuff. Any advice is welcome. Sorry so long kidna a breakdown of the past 10 years. He will be 13 in July and I hope he just wakes up and realize what he has and the people he has who care about him and love him.