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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 760300" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Well, New Leaf. You've been here on this site almost as long as I have, how long has it been--6 years? Many of us here adopted babies exposed to drugs and alcohol, including me. You've got the panoramic picture of what could be. </p><p></p><p>In a heartbeat, I would do it again. The last 10 years have been the hardest, as I would guess the years after your own daughters, grew up, have been the same for you. There are never ever any guarantees, regardless of the circumstances of birth. You know this from your own experience. I say this with love.</p><p></p><p>You are writing here about a friend of a niece. This raises red flags for me. What do you really know about these people? What control would the family have? None. I would find this heart-wrenching. To know where the baby is. Without the guarantee of connection. So close and yet so far. People say anything to get through the door. And then it is the natural thing to want to have control and to have the baby be "my own--not theirs" thereby freezing out the birth family. It's normal.</p><p></p><p>I hope you stop traumatizing yourself with this. The baby is so very tiny. I am not saying the baby is without awareness. But babies are separated routinely from mothers in the hospital. I myself was hospitalized my first 3 months and in an incubator. I did not have contact at all with my mother, who watched me through a glass window, as I was within a machine. And then I was hospitalized again within my first year. I am not saying this is optimal. It's just that life happens. What I am trying to say is that babies and children are resilient. It is only when they are worn down, worn out, exposed to repeated loss, frustration, hopelessness, uncaring. This is what everybody is gathering around to try to prevent. The baby is fine. I believe that.</p><p></p><p>Love Copa</p><p></p><p>PS I am mad at Tornado. I can imagine how you feel.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 760300, member: 18958"] Well, New Leaf. You've been here on this site almost as long as I have, how long has it been--6 years? Many of us here adopted babies exposed to drugs and alcohol, including me. You've got the panoramic picture of what could be. In a heartbeat, I would do it again. The last 10 years have been the hardest, as I would guess the years after your own daughters, grew up, have been the same for you. There are never ever any guarantees, regardless of the circumstances of birth. You know this from your own experience. I say this with love. You are writing here about a friend of a niece. This raises red flags for me. What do you really know about these people? What control would the family have? None. I would find this heart-wrenching. To know where the baby is. Without the guarantee of connection. So close and yet so far. People say anything to get through the door. And then it is the natural thing to want to have control and to have the baby be "my own--not theirs" thereby freezing out the birth family. It's normal. I hope you stop traumatizing yourself with this. The baby is so very tiny. I am not saying the baby is without awareness. But babies are separated routinely from mothers in the hospital. I myself was hospitalized my first 3 months and in an incubator. I did not have contact at all with my mother, who watched me through a glass window, as I was within a machine. And then I was hospitalized again within my first year. I am not saying this is optimal. It's just that life happens. What I am trying to say is that babies and children are resilient. It is only when they are worn down, worn out, exposed to repeated loss, frustration, hopelessness, uncaring. This is what everybody is gathering around to try to prevent. The baby is fine. I believe that. Love Copa PS I am mad at Tornado. I can imagine how you feel. [/QUOTE]
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