Mothers and fathers

Discussion in 'Family of Origin' started by SomewhereOutThere, Jul 29, 2018.

  1. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I have no idea if anyone wants ro discuss this. I am just doing it for myself right now. I welcome involvement, but this is a board primarily about our children...so maybe I am in the wrong place. And I get it.

    My mother in her interactuon with me was in my mind as bad as it gets unless there is physical abuse. She did not do that. She belittled me, called me horrible, untrue names as a child, and allowed her heinous brother to do the same (sometimes I have weird flashbacks about uncle that verge on the worst but I will give him the benefit of the doubt and say I have no CLEAR image of anything more than his vicious teasing and stories meant to scare me)....I always loathed him. I digress.

    My mother was probably a narc/ borderline, if either are real things....or she bordered on evil, which I believe in more, at least ro me. She assigned roles to her children. I was the scapegoat. My brother was the Golden Child. My sis was the Lost Child, barely acknowledged. I envied her role. My mothjer didnt carry us or hug or kiss us. She spent most of the time on the phone, pacing back and forth and scratching her head, as she spoke to her owm mother, whom she also sometimes abused. She treated my dad like a nothing. I used to ferl sorry for him when they fought. She didnt drive, didnt work, barely left the house. She was always there. She dud not cook much or clean. I dont really know how she used up her time. With brother a lot. It seemed he was her child husband to me. I could be wrong.

    My father had little interest in any of us but he did love us and did not play favorites. He was gone a lot so that allowed Mother to rule the roost. I never had any animosity toward my father. I only cared that I knew he loved me, although attempts to change his mind happened. I will always love him for loving me. He was not always a nice man but strangely I never doubted his love. I felt as if both of us werr The Outsiders.

    My mother left him. I dont know if he ever got over it but he was able to live more fully without her.

    I made a successful attempt to make sure I never parented like my mother. My kids didnt know her, per her choice. They were better off.

    Thats it ! Life is good in the present. Has been for a few decades. I have forgiven my mother...she had no idea how to love children as their primary caretaker. I dont know why though. I adored her mother,my sweet grandma, and she loved a lot!
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2018