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Motivating pot addicted 18yr old son to get & hold a job + care about future
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 750578" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Welcome to our little corner of the world. I'm glad you found us here.</p><p></p><p></p><p>This is very concerning. If the cops were to come and search your house and find pot, you would be the one going to jail not your son. If your son was driving moms car and had an accident your son would have to deal with the issue of causing an accident but you and your wife would be responsible and possibly sued.</p><p></p><p></p><p>This is very concerning. Your son is putting himself in a very dangerous situation where he could be arrested. Sadly, there is nothing you can do, he's an adult and is making his choices of how he wants to live.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I think you made the best choice you could for you, your wife and the safety of your home and your sanity.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Perfect!!! This is a loving but stern message to him. You are being honest with him and you have already shown that you will no longer enable him. </p><p></p><p>It's not easy having an adult child who makes poor life choices but please know and understand that this is nothing you did or didn't do, it just is what it is. Many parents get stuck in what we call the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) I too was once stuck in it. It's very easy to go there as our adult children are quite proficient at using our emotions against us. </p><p>You have set some very clear boundaries which is exactly what you needed to do. Now, you just have to stick to them. Once we "liberate" our adult children from our homes they can really ramp it up. Don't be surprised if you get calls or texts begging or demanding you help him. I've heard it all from my son, everything from "I'm going to starve to death, I'm going to freeze to death, I need medical attention, I might as well not be living" Hearing these kind of things can tear at your heart and mess with your mind. It's okay to tell them no. It's okay to direct them to a shelter. It's NOT okay to allow them to manipulate us.</p><p>One strategy that worked well for me and has worked well for many here is to have some canned, standard answers at the ready. This way you don't get sucked into a debate or argument.</p><p>Son: Dad, I really need some money for food.</p><p>Dad: I'm sorry you are having a tough time but I cannot help you.</p><p>Son: What do you mean you can't help me, I know you have money!!!</p><p>Dad: I'm sorry you are having a tough time but I cannot help you.</p><p>Son: If you loved me you would help me!! I'm going to die out here!!</p><p>Dad: I'm sorry you are having a tough time but I cannot help you. I have to go now, I love you. Goodbye. </p><p></p><p>You get the idea. Always remember, you do not owe your son an explanation for anything.</p><p></p><p>You are on the right track!</p><p></p><p>Hang in there. Keep posting and let us know how things are going.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 750578, member: 18516"] Welcome to our little corner of the world. I'm glad you found us here. This is very concerning. If the cops were to come and search your house and find pot, you would be the one going to jail not your son. If your son was driving moms car and had an accident your son would have to deal with the issue of causing an accident but you and your wife would be responsible and possibly sued. This is very concerning. Your son is putting himself in a very dangerous situation where he could be arrested. Sadly, there is nothing you can do, he's an adult and is making his choices of how he wants to live. I think you made the best choice you could for you, your wife and the safety of your home and your sanity. Perfect!!! This is a loving but stern message to him. You are being honest with him and you have already shown that you will no longer enable him. It's not easy having an adult child who makes poor life choices but please know and understand that this is nothing you did or didn't do, it just is what it is. Many parents get stuck in what we call the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) I too was once stuck in it. It's very easy to go there as our adult children are quite proficient at using our emotions against us. You have set some very clear boundaries which is exactly what you needed to do. Now, you just have to stick to them. Once we "liberate" our adult children from our homes they can really ramp it up. Don't be surprised if you get calls or texts begging or demanding you help him. I've heard it all from my son, everything from "I'm going to starve to death, I'm going to freeze to death, I need medical attention, I might as well not be living" Hearing these kind of things can tear at your heart and mess with your mind. It's okay to tell them no. It's okay to direct them to a shelter. It's NOT okay to allow them to manipulate us. One strategy that worked well for me and has worked well for many here is to have some canned, standard answers at the ready. This way you don't get sucked into a debate or argument. Son: Dad, I really need some money for food. Dad: I'm sorry you are having a tough time but I cannot help you. Son: What do you mean you can't help me, I know you have money!!! Dad: I'm sorry you are having a tough time but I cannot help you. Son: If you loved me you would help me!! I'm going to die out here!! Dad: I'm sorry you are having a tough time but I cannot help you. I have to go now, I love you. Goodbye. You get the idea. Always remember, you do not owe your son an explanation for anything. You are on the right track! Hang in there. Keep posting and let us know how things are going. [/QUOTE]
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Motivating pot addicted 18yr old son to get & hold a job + care about future
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