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My 20 yr old clinically depressed son refuses help
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 618839" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I have had depression problems most of my life. Severe ones. And I never had family to depend on. So you may not like my advice...from one who knew I needed help and did something about it, such as medication and serious therapy.</p><p></p><p>There is absolutely nothing, zilch, zero you can do to help your son. In fact, the more you baby him, the less he is motivated to help himself. I had to live on my own and support myself, even though I could barely stand getting up in the morning. But that forced me to find the best help I could, eventually become hospitalized, and work very hard my entire life to do better. I certainly wouldn't have discarded medication after four weeks. That is your son's decision. He is choosing not to keep trying and you, not being him, can't make him try to help himself.</p><p></p><p>There are a few things you can do that I think will force him to get off the pity pot and try to help himself. This is my opinion only, as one who has a mood disorder.</p><p></p><p>You can cut off any money you give him making him have to get a job or be broke. Yes, he will say "woe is me, I don't want to live." But, although there is always a chance he means it, he more likely will curse you for forcing him to move when he feels rotten, but he won't kill himself. Secondly, I think it is fair that he need to at least work a good twenty hours and pay some rent to stay in your house. Nothing fuels depression like sitting on the couch all day, doing nothing. Exercise, moving around, forced activity is GOOD for depression. You can cut off his toys that he probably sits in front of, just staring at them. If this were my kid, knowing what I know about living with depression, I would:</p><p></p><p>1/Insist on medications and therapy</p><p></p><p>2/Insist on at least part time work so there is less time to wallow in self-pity, which is a byproduct of depression.</p><p></p><p>3/Pay part of his own bills.</p><p></p><p>Yes, he will whine and say you're mean and maybe leave for a few days because you dared to challenge him to try to get well. When you feel as lousy as you do while depressed, he may get angry at you...I used to get angry as a way to mask my depression...I found it was hard to feel angry and depressed together. So he may pout and stay out all night just to give you a good scare so that you will do what he wants. So it probably won't be pretty because you have pampered him, understandably, since you are worried about his state of mind.</p><p></p><p>But he isn't doing anything to help himself and it's been two years. It's time he take control of his illness and get better and the only one capable of doing that for him is himself.</p><p></p><p>Are you 100% sure he doesn't use recreational drugs? Pot is the living hello for depression or any mental illness so that counts too as does drinking. That just makes everything worse. That's one thing I decided to never do. I knew I had mood issues way before they were diagnosed formally and I knew that drinking and drugs would only make things worse...make sure he isn't using, say, pot as his "medication" of choice.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 618839, member: 1550"] I have had depression problems most of my life. Severe ones. And I never had family to depend on. So you may not like my advice...from one who knew I needed help and did something about it, such as medication and serious therapy. There is absolutely nothing, zilch, zero you can do to help your son. In fact, the more you baby him, the less he is motivated to help himself. I had to live on my own and support myself, even though I could barely stand getting up in the morning. But that forced me to find the best help I could, eventually become hospitalized, and work very hard my entire life to do better. I certainly wouldn't have discarded medication after four weeks. That is your son's decision. He is choosing not to keep trying and you, not being him, can't make him try to help himself. There are a few things you can do that I think will force him to get off the pity pot and try to help himself. This is my opinion only, as one who has a mood disorder. You can cut off any money you give him making him have to get a job or be broke. Yes, he will say "woe is me, I don't want to live." But, although there is always a chance he means it, he more likely will curse you for forcing him to move when he feels rotten, but he won't kill himself. Secondly, I think it is fair that he need to at least work a good twenty hours and pay some rent to stay in your house. Nothing fuels depression like sitting on the couch all day, doing nothing. Exercise, moving around, forced activity is GOOD for depression. You can cut off his toys that he probably sits in front of, just staring at them. If this were my kid, knowing what I know about living with depression, I would: 1/Insist on medications and therapy 2/Insist on at least part time work so there is less time to wallow in self-pity, which is a byproduct of depression. 3/Pay part of his own bills. Yes, he will whine and say you're mean and maybe leave for a few days because you dared to challenge him to try to get well. When you feel as lousy as you do while depressed, he may get angry at you...I used to get angry as a way to mask my depression...I found it was hard to feel angry and depressed together. So he may pout and stay out all night just to give you a good scare so that you will do what he wants. So it probably won't be pretty because you have pampered him, understandably, since you are worried about his state of mind. But he isn't doing anything to help himself and it's been two years. It's time he take control of his illness and get better and the only one capable of doing that for him is himself. Are you 100% sure he doesn't use recreational drugs? Pot is the living hello for depression or any mental illness so that counts too as does drinking. That just makes everything worse. That's one thing I decided to never do. I knew I had mood issues way before they were diagnosed formally and I knew that drinking and drugs would only make things worse...make sure he isn't using, say, pot as his "medication" of choice. [/QUOTE]
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My 20 yr old clinically depressed son refuses help
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