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My 20 yr old clinically depressed son refuses help
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 618849" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>OH, Waivering, my heart goes out to you. You've gotten good advice and comments here. Your son is mentally ill...I too would bet he is using drugs (I too was quite sure I was 'all over' my son, and that the people who kept telling me his behavior seemed like it involved drugs just didn't 'get' him like I did...). and I completely agree wtih MWM</p><p></p><p></p><p> Read this again...this is true. There is no key you can turn, no right or wrong decision you can make that will magically turn this ship. He has the control. He is choosing not to take medications, to get therapy, to be hospitalized to get that job dangling in front of him. I do think he is manipulating you, through his illness and with his threats.</p><p></p><p>You are right, you don't deserve to live this way, and your 10 year old definitely does not. The image of you hiding the car keys...that makes me so so so sad. We all tried to hide the car keys metaphorically. It doesn't work. Its like magical thinking on our own parts.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>this made me smile sadly. We had a long discussion on another thread about how our difficult child's pick major holidays to act out...either they can't stand the change in activity, they can't stand the loss of attention, they can't stand...I don't know what. But it is nearly universal that they ruin holidays for everyone. Yours is no different. </p><p></p><p>Sadly, some of the options you are considering are not options. Unless he is smack babbling drooling crazy you most likely can't get guardianship (the affidavit you are talking about) over him. My lawyer told me that 'if he can stack one box on top of another you can't get guardianship against his wishes'. You can't commit him. You have essentially no cards in your box except....to either continue this miserable path that ISN"T HELPING HIM OR YOU, or to let him go. Let him leave. Tell him you love him, and you hope he doesn't just rush out into the cold, but takes advantage of the two weeks you offered him to get things in order. HE is creating the drama out of this, not you. Try not to get drawn in. You love him. You are making healthy decisions for both you and for him. He can stay for the two weeks, but then he must move on.</p><p></p><p>I say this as though it is easy...it took me several rounds and a few years before I could say that to my son. He's been out of the house for over 2 years now, for the most part, and it still isn't easy..but waivering, it is much, much easier. </p><p></p><p>Hugs and hope for you...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 618849, member: 17269"] OH, Waivering, my heart goes out to you. You've gotten good advice and comments here. Your son is mentally ill...I too would bet he is using drugs (I too was quite sure I was 'all over' my son, and that the people who kept telling me his behavior seemed like it involved drugs just didn't 'get' him like I did...). and I completely agree wtih MWM Read this again...this is true. There is no key you can turn, no right or wrong decision you can make that will magically turn this ship. He has the control. He is choosing not to take medications, to get therapy, to be hospitalized to get that job dangling in front of him. I do think he is manipulating you, through his illness and with his threats. You are right, you don't deserve to live this way, and your 10 year old definitely does not. The image of you hiding the car keys...that makes me so so so sad. We all tried to hide the car keys metaphorically. It doesn't work. Its like magical thinking on our own parts. this made me smile sadly. We had a long discussion on another thread about how our difficult child's pick major holidays to act out...either they can't stand the change in activity, they can't stand the loss of attention, they can't stand...I don't know what. But it is nearly universal that they ruin holidays for everyone. Yours is no different. Sadly, some of the options you are considering are not options. Unless he is smack babbling drooling crazy you most likely can't get guardianship (the affidavit you are talking about) over him. My lawyer told me that 'if he can stack one box on top of another you can't get guardianship against his wishes'. You can't commit him. You have essentially no cards in your box except....to either continue this miserable path that ISN"T HELPING HIM OR YOU, or to let him go. Let him leave. Tell him you love him, and you hope he doesn't just rush out into the cold, but takes advantage of the two weeks you offered him to get things in order. HE is creating the drama out of this, not you. Try not to get drawn in. You love him. You are making healthy decisions for both you and for him. He can stay for the two weeks, but then he must move on. I say this as though it is easy...it took me several rounds and a few years before I could say that to my son. He's been out of the house for over 2 years now, for the most part, and it still isn't easy..but waivering, it is much, much easier. Hugs and hope for you... [/QUOTE]
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My 20 yr old clinically depressed son refuses help
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