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My 20 yr old clinically depressed son refuses help
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 623824" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi. I'm so sorry for your hurting mommy heart.</p><p></p><p>You would get more feedback if you started your own thread and I recommend doing it on Parent Emeritus. We are all moms of legal age adult children.</p><p></p><p>I have had a depression problem since childhood.</p><p></p><p>There is nothing, nada, zilch you can do if your son will not get and follow professional advice. It's not that we want to give up, it's just that, realistically, after a child turns eighteen it is 100% up to him to seek and agree to get treatment and it's too bad. Depression IS treatable. It took me a decade to get the right medications, but it was sooooooooo worth it. I also went to self-help groups and I exercise a lot and I never gave up on myself. If your son gives up on himself, no pep talk will help him (although you can try...I suspect you already have tried). Usually severe clinical depression, where you can't even get out of bed, requires medical treatment plus therapy. A lot of medications didn't help me either, but once I found one that did, my life has never been the same. If your son will not keep trying and if his solution is to stay in bed each day, I think, if he lives with you, the best thing you can do is force him to get out of bed by not doing anything for him. He can do it himself, depressed or not. And once he does get out of bed and do chores, get a job of any sort, see people again, he WILL feel better.</p><p></p><p>If your son is unpleasant at family get togethers, the natural consequences are that he won't be invited to them. I would NOT feel sorry for him. He is thirty-three and depression does not make you unpleasant. THAT is his choice. It should not break your heart. You didn't do it and he doesn't have to do it. It is a choice he has made. He is not a young child anymore...he is a middle aged man. He can decide to be nice, depression or not. </p><p></p><p>Do you have a life of your own? Work? A significant other? Other kids/grandkids who give you pleasure? Activities? Groups you enjoy? Hobbies? At this point in time, you need in my opinion to start enjoying t he rest of your life an d to just pray a lot that your son decides that, since you will no longer minister to him like he is a child, he needs to get appropriate help and comply with treatment.</p><p></p><p>Does he have any other issues such as substance abuse or legal issues? Does he threaten you verbally or physically? Does he make monetary demands of you? </p><p></p><p>Depression is horrible. It does not get better if you sit around doing nothing and boss everyone around to get your needs met. It is a hard fought battle that you can win. I don't see what you can do if he refuses to fight other than to refuse to help him be helpless, so to speak.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry you had to find our board, but you have made many caring, supportive friends now and others will come along to give advice too.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 623824, member: 1550"] Hi. I'm so sorry for your hurting mommy heart. You would get more feedback if you started your own thread and I recommend doing it on Parent Emeritus. We are all moms of legal age adult children. I have had a depression problem since childhood. There is nothing, nada, zilch you can do if your son will not get and follow professional advice. It's not that we want to give up, it's just that, realistically, after a child turns eighteen it is 100% up to him to seek and agree to get treatment and it's too bad. Depression IS treatable. It took me a decade to get the right medications, but it was sooooooooo worth it. I also went to self-help groups and I exercise a lot and I never gave up on myself. If your son gives up on himself, no pep talk will help him (although you can try...I suspect you already have tried). Usually severe clinical depression, where you can't even get out of bed, requires medical treatment plus therapy. A lot of medications didn't help me either, but once I found one that did, my life has never been the same. If your son will not keep trying and if his solution is to stay in bed each day, I think, if he lives with you, the best thing you can do is force him to get out of bed by not doing anything for him. He can do it himself, depressed or not. And once he does get out of bed and do chores, get a job of any sort, see people again, he WILL feel better. If your son is unpleasant at family get togethers, the natural consequences are that he won't be invited to them. I would NOT feel sorry for him. He is thirty-three and depression does not make you unpleasant. THAT is his choice. It should not break your heart. You didn't do it and he doesn't have to do it. It is a choice he has made. He is not a young child anymore...he is a middle aged man. He can decide to be nice, depression or not. Do you have a life of your own? Work? A significant other? Other kids/grandkids who give you pleasure? Activities? Groups you enjoy? Hobbies? At this point in time, you need in my opinion to start enjoying t he rest of your life an d to just pray a lot that your son decides that, since you will no longer minister to him like he is a child, he needs to get appropriate help and comply with treatment. Does he have any other issues such as substance abuse or legal issues? Does he threaten you verbally or physically? Does he make monetary demands of you? Depression is horrible. It does not get better if you sit around doing nothing and boss everyone around to get your needs met. It is a hard fought battle that you can win. I don't see what you can do if he refuses to fight other than to refuse to help him be helpless, so to speak. I am so sorry you had to find our board, but you have made many caring, supportive friends now and others will come along to give advice too. [/QUOTE]
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My 20 yr old clinically depressed son refuses help
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