My Claws Are Out

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JKF, Jan 7, 2013.

  1. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Uggggh! I'm so anrgy/frustrated/annoyed right now!

    easy child/difficult child is currently diagnosis'd with ADHD. We are exploring other diagnosis's but for now that's the one he has. He sees a therapist weekly and a psychiatrist monthly. He started taking Intuniv a few weeks ago in addition to his Vyvanse and so far I feel that he's doing pretty well.

    He has an IEP in place and he's in mainstream classes but has an in class support teacher to help him with things like staying organized, remembering assignments, etc. That's one of his biggest problems - he's extremely unorganized and forgetful. He's super smart but gets bad grades because he's never prepared and forgets to hand in or do assignments. One of the reasons we have the damn IEP!

    Lately this ICS teacher has been a real b**ch. She was his ICS teacher last year as well and was wonderful. This year is a different story. She knows how he is and what his issues/triggers are. She knows he needs help in certain areas. However, she's not helping much at all anymore.

    Over the weekend we went through his backpack and organized things. I noticed he was missing a bunch of things for Math class that he'll need for a quiz this Friday. I went through it with him and we put the ones he had in order and I told him to ask for the ones he's missing today. After I dropped him off I sent her a text letting her know that he was missing some of the Do Now sheets but I didn't know exactly which ones he needs and if she could help him figure it out and get the sheets I'd help him get organized for the quiz. I got a text back from her saying "that's his responsibliity but thanks for letting me know". Ummmm ok?? So that instantly pi**ed me off! I sent a text back saying "Ok, well he was going to ask you for help but going forward I'll make sure he doesn't ask you for help anymore - no problem." I probably shouldn't have sent a reply while I was so angry but it is what it is. Isn't she supposed to help him with things like that?? Isn't that one of the reasons she's with him?

    I just don't understand what her problem is. I get that she wants him to be more responsible and organized (we ALL do - trust me) but he has a problem that prevents him from doing so and she's supposed to help him with that. Am I being unreasonable?? Maybe it's me?? What do you think??
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    No, it's not just you. IF it's written in the IEP that the ICS worker will work with difficult child on organization, remembering homework, etc then that is what she is supposed to be doing unless it was changed at an IEP meeting. I would show her supervisor the first text you sent and her response. Personally, I would do it in person so I could "read" supervisor's reaction. Find out supervisor's opinion and go from there. Yea, you probably shouldn't have sent the second text.
  3. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I had something similar happen with difficult child earlier in the school year. For the first week of school his locker was painted shut and he was unable to open it. The janitors said that there were alot of lockers like that, difficult child was not the only one, and they were working on getting the prolem fixed. After three days of him having to carry every single school supply and book around all day long and back and forth to school he was getting a little cranky, so I called and office and asked when the problem would be fixed. I was told that he needed to come in and tell them that there was a problem. I told them that he had already done that on the first day of school and now I was stepping in ask for help. Apparently, going once to tell them was not enough and they did not want to hear about it from me.

    Good luck. I understand that she wants him to be the one to ask her for the papers, but if he has a history of not remembering to do so, I think she should cut you and him a break.
  4. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    I probably shouldn't have sent the text but I'm ok with the fact that I did. I don't feel like I was nasty to her in my reply (compared to what I WANTED to say!) because she was making it clear that she wasn't going to help him and all I said was ok then I'll make sure he doesn't ask you anymore. Plain and simple. However, I do need to know WHO he can go to for help if it's not her. I am going to send an email to her supervisor and let her know I'd like to request a meeting ASAP. I have a copy of his IEP and it clearly states he needs help with organization.

    I'm frustrated because it's her job to help him while he's at school yet she's saying no, that it's HIS responsibility. It should be - for a typical 12 year old - but he's not a typical 12 year old! I know it's a constant challenge to keep him organized but he needs the help and it's HER job to help him while he's at school!
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Without the additional dxes... we found this reaction was typical.
    They don't want to put in the effort unless they have to - because there are lots more kids who are "in more need of help than your kid". (yes, that was the principal's words to us.)

    Come up with additional dxes, and it becomes harder to make that case.
    Especially if there is something along the lines of Aspie or Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD).
    Even schools are starting to recognize that these spectrum kids "think different".
    (starting... we still have a long way to go!)

    "Just" ADHD is... well, kind of normal. There's lots of kids with ADHD dxes that get NO accommodations. Why should yours be different? (putting words in their mouths... not MY feelings, of course)
  6. JKF - I am so frustrated for you. That is her job. It is in his IEP. Maybe she could come up with some strategies for helping him remember (also her job). Ex. Write everything in your agenda and then set an alarm on your watch to remind you to get the agenda out and ask for help with whatever is written in there... at least give him something or brainstorm with him as to what might work.

    I would definitely be sending an email or making a phone call to the supervisor. Good luck and I hope that you get this resolved quickly.
  7. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    IC - that's pretty much their attitude and it makes me want to screm!!! She's told me numerous times that this year he's one of her best students in the sense that he doesn't need as much help as some of the other kids she has. Ok that's great - but that doesn't mean that he doesn't need any help at all! I feel like they are pushing aside his needs - and trust me, he has needs - in order to accommodate other kids. Last year she was much better with him and helped him a lot. This year not so much and I don't understand the "about face". She knows him quite well - she's had him for two years as his ICS teacher and she also runs the summer camp he attends each summer so it's not like she doesn't know his issues. She seems like a completely different person from the one we've worked with all this time and I don't understand why.
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    It may not be her... she may have been "told". Its probably a funding issue
  9. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Well, whatever it is I'm not having it! I will fight this tooth and nail! I'm not letting him slip through the cracks. No way no how!
  10. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I'm not in the US... others know the details better than I do. But from what I understand, you probably need to start a re-evaluation through the school system - not just an IEP update - in parallel with your own separate testing (neuropsychologist or whatever).

    Might want to also post this question over on the Special Education forum.
  11. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Thanks IC - I will do that. She just text me and said that he will do what all 6th graders are required to do - no special treatment. I just called her supervisor and left a message because I need to know what's going on. He has an IEP in place and we haven't had our yearly meeting yet so why the sudden change? How can they even do that??

    I'm not trying to make excuses for easy child/difficult child but I KNOW he has a hard time with the organization aspect of every day life. I get that she wants him to be more responsible. I really do. I just don't think she's going about it the right way.
  12. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Call an IEP review meeting? or... call an advocate? (I'd vote for the latter, if you can... it helps to have someone who really knows there stuff, who the school can't do a "snow job" on...)
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh dear.

    I feel for you.

    How did you get an IEP when he's got ADHD and no other diagnosis?

    My son has ADHD, Asperger's and bipolar. I meet with-the school tomorrow and am calling for a Child Study. I plan to get more out of it than a 504, because he has an auditory processing disorder.

    Good luck, JKF!
  14. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    He meets their criteria for the IEP. He's had it in place since 2nd grade. He was diagnosis'd with ADHD by 2 psychiatrists and a neuropsychologist. He's had extensive testing done and he gets evaluated yearly and so far the diagnosis is ADHD only.

    I spoke to the teacher and her supervisor. Apparently the teacher's goal is to help him become more organized, responsible and independent by the end of this school year. I think that's more than fantastic but I think she went about it wrong. However after actually speaking to them both I feel much better. Text messaging is so hard bc it doesn't convey tone or feeling. It's just words which are very easy to misinterpret. He's going to be working more with the behaviorist at school and she will help him with organization skills and the ICS teacher will support and reinforce those skills daily. Hopefully it all eventually clicks and he "gets it".
  15. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    In ONE year?
    JMO, but... not likely.
    3 years, maybe.
    It takes a LOT of repetition for an ADHDer to "get it" when it comes to organization!
  16. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    LOL - I agree!!! We have our yearly IEP meeting at the beginning of next month and I will be bringing this up again then. I have a few other concerns as well but this one tops the list!
  17. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I would send her a certified letter and a copy to the principal stating that his IEP requires XYZ and that you expect him to be provided with the support as detailed in his IEP. Mention that you are sending the letter due to the text from ICS saying that she would not be providing the services as detailed in his IEP.

    Then document how much he is struggling without the support. Use that at the IEP meeting to strengthen his supports.