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My daughter is a prostitute
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 687222" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>One thing I had to learn, and it shocked me at first, is thst our grown children's accomplishments and perceived bad choices have nothing to do with us. We can be proud or ashamed of what they fo because we love them, but we are not them. We didnt achieve what they may have achieved, nor does high achievement mean we were superior parents, and we never choose for thrm to fail or to to do things we consider immoral or harmful. We are not responsible for the deeds of another adult. Society may make is seem as if we are who our kids become, but its a myth.</p><p></p><p>We can choose to be ashamed of a choice we didnt make or we can tell ourselves the truth...we had nothing to do with it and dont own it nor do we own their selfishness. Each adult chooses his/her reaction to a bad decision or flawed character of a love one. If one chooses to walk away, thst is fair. If one strikes an uneasy relationdhip that is what THEY live with. If one chooses devestation and to become ill over it, that is a choice too... not a healthy one, but a choice. In years of therapy I learned not to own what somebody else does, nor can we change another person, even a grown child. And we can choose to feel unwarranted guilt or let it go.</p><p></p><p>Easy? Took years of therapy here but it makes sense. More sense than owning a deed we didnt do. At least to me.</p><p></p><p>Is it possible for you to maybe grieve this decision then make plans with your husband for your own life?</p><p></p><p>Lastly, on a different note, doctors here are willing and even eager to test for disorders. Yet it took from age 12 until relative got sepsis in college for him to get taken to a good hospital where he was finally diagnosed. He has chosen excellent doctors now, but it is still a bad disease. He has always worked responsibly though and does not feel sorry for himself. This way of seeing his disorder is his choice. Everything we do about every obstacle is a choice. We dont own another persons choices. They do.</p><p></p><p>Hoping for better days ahead for you..</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 687222, member: 1550"] One thing I had to learn, and it shocked me at first, is thst our grown children's accomplishments and perceived bad choices have nothing to do with us. We can be proud or ashamed of what they fo because we love them, but we are not them. We didnt achieve what they may have achieved, nor does high achievement mean we were superior parents, and we never choose for thrm to fail or to to do things we consider immoral or harmful. We are not responsible for the deeds of another adult. Society may make is seem as if we are who our kids become, but its a myth. We can choose to be ashamed of a choice we didnt make or we can tell ourselves the truth...we had nothing to do with it and dont own it nor do we own their selfishness. Each adult chooses his/her reaction to a bad decision or flawed character of a love one. If one chooses to walk away, thst is fair. If one strikes an uneasy relationdhip that is what THEY live with. If one chooses devestation and to become ill over it, that is a choice too... not a healthy one, but a choice. In years of therapy I learned not to own what somebody else does, nor can we change another person, even a grown child. And we can choose to feel unwarranted guilt or let it go. Easy? Took years of therapy here but it makes sense. More sense than owning a deed we didnt do. At least to me. Is it possible for you to maybe grieve this decision then make plans with your husband for your own life? Lastly, on a different note, doctors here are willing and even eager to test for disorders. Yet it took from age 12 until relative got sepsis in college for him to get taken to a good hospital where he was finally diagnosed. He has chosen excellent doctors now, but it is still a bad disease. He has always worked responsibly though and does not feel sorry for himself. This way of seeing his disorder is his choice. Everything we do about every obstacle is a choice. We dont own another persons choices. They do. Hoping for better days ahead for you.. [/QUOTE]
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