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Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
My daughter Is refusing help/relapses almost immediately
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 760458" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I am concerned along with you. If it was me, I would not give her one penny towards college if she is not doing her part. Her part as a prospective college student does not include drugging, and couch-surfing and living like a vagabond. </p><p></p><p>A person's capacity and potential are not only determined by IQ and other tests. My son is tri-lingual and very smart. He's homeless unless i help him. There seems to be something missing from his personality, so far at least, and as the years go by without change, it's looking more and more bleak. </p><p></p><p>I have been very resistant to seeing reality. It's much easier to see it in other people's situations. Your daughter is not ready for college, and she knows it. She doesn't want the structure. She doesn't want the responsibility. She wants other things right now. Which are bad for her. </p><p></p><p>All of our love and concern cannot avert this train if they decide to live this way. We only need to see the train coming, and get out of the way.</p><p></p><p>You have offered her help repeatedly. She refuses it. The change here needs to come from you. YOU are the one who is not accepting reality. You have no control here. She has to want a better life. Right now she doesn't. The best thing you can do is not only to SEE what is happening but ACCEPT it, too. That has been the hardest thing of all for me to do. And I still struggle with it. To the extent I have trouble even being with my child, as to have to see him how he really is.</p><p></p><p>I have the greatest compassion for you. It's not that I don't understand the fear and agony of this. I do. I live it. You can keep offering to help her, but accept that as she is she is incompatible with college. She is choosing a completely different lifestyle. She's not even ambivalent, it seems. She's in it with both feet. That's what is true, I fear.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 760458, member: 18958"] I am concerned along with you. If it was me, I would not give her one penny towards college if she is not doing her part. Her part as a prospective college student does not include drugging, and couch-surfing and living like a vagabond. A person's capacity and potential are not only determined by IQ and other tests. My son is tri-lingual and very smart. He's homeless unless i help him. There seems to be something missing from his personality, so far at least, and as the years go by without change, it's looking more and more bleak. I have been very resistant to seeing reality. It's much easier to see it in other people's situations. Your daughter is not ready for college, and she knows it. She doesn't want the structure. She doesn't want the responsibility. She wants other things right now. Which are bad for her. All of our love and concern cannot avert this train if they decide to live this way. We only need to see the train coming, and get out of the way. You have offered her help repeatedly. She refuses it. The change here needs to come from you. YOU are the one who is not accepting reality. You have no control here. She has to want a better life. Right now she doesn't. The best thing you can do is not only to SEE what is happening but ACCEPT it, too. That has been the hardest thing of all for me to do. And I still struggle with it. To the extent I have trouble even being with my child, as to have to see him how he really is. I have the greatest compassion for you. It's not that I don't understand the fear and agony of this. I do. I live it. You can keep offering to help her, but accept that as she is she is incompatible with college. She is choosing a completely different lifestyle. She's not even ambivalent, it seems. She's in it with both feet. That's what is true, I fear. [/QUOTE]
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Substance Abuse
My daughter Is refusing help/relapses almost immediately
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