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My daughter wants to talk-Feeling horrible
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 754119" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>Well, I feel for you. But you didn't abandon your daughter. She and her alcoholism, that is pervasive even to her soul, left YOU. And she is not willing to feel better, to stop drinking. She has abandoned herself most of all and there is nothing you or I or anyone can do to save an addict. Our troubled kids. We can do nothing. It feels horrible but we have no power over another adult, even a beloved one.</p><p></p><p>What will she do after you are gone? Who will she call? Who will give her money?</p><p></p><p>Nobody.</p><p></p><p>We all take a personal life walk only with God, if we believe. There is nobody who can fix us as we try to fix others. But we can lean on others to learn to cope. In our cases, husband and I decided to let Al Anon and a therapist, who is an uninvolved third party, keep us in Sanity Lane. We have decided to take the advice we get. N</p><p></p><p>Not everyone does take advice. Most of our adult children refuse outside help to get better. But parents who are suffering due to their kids often also refuse to get any outside help.</p><p></p><p>Are you in Al Anon faithfully, or with a therapist you feel is safe? Do you have strong circles of support,even tiny ones? Family? Friends? A church family? Another type?</p><p></p><p>We walk our life path, but we can have support systems that let us know they care. in my opinion doing this completely alone is not healthy. You deserve to enjoy your golden years. So do we all.</p><p></p><p>Story that is sadly true: A man I know was an addict who is decades clean. His drug was heroin and he quit. Is that the end?</p><p></p><p> No. Now his son is the same age as he was when he decided to quit. But his son won't quit. Won't even try. He is homeless under a bridge and recently almost died of drugs.</p><p></p><p>The father flew down to comfort him in case he woke up and he did wake up, although he was on a breathing machine.</p><p></p><p> Almost dying and having failing organs and now Multiple Schlerosis has not convinced the young man to do anything about his addiction. He is doing the same things as before. He denies he is sick or addicted. His sober brother bought him a tent. He gives his brother money. But he won't let him into his house. The brother has kids. He can't allow a heroin addict in his house, no matter how much he loves him.</p><p></p><p>His father will not give him a dime. As an addict himself he told me that giving an addict anything makes them worse. He said he did not quit until his parents cut him off. Then he went into rehab for the 20th time and did it for good. Not until.</p><p></p><p>I take an addicts advice seriously. Who knows better? This man is very active in Narcotics Ananymous AND Nar Anon. He tries to help others without enabling. Even his child who doesn't listen to him.</p><p></p><p>I hope you can find some way that is positive to handle this atrocity. It is so hard to watch our kids circle the drain. I no longer watch. Not even social media. If she won't do better, I can't know what she is doing at all. I have to stay healthy for my sane loved ones. It's not all about Kay.</p><p></p><p>I pray that you find peace in your own life even if you can't do anything to change your daughter. Hugs to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 754119, member: 23706"] Well, I feel for you. But you didn't abandon your daughter. She and her alcoholism, that is pervasive even to her soul, left YOU. And she is not willing to feel better, to stop drinking. She has abandoned herself most of all and there is nothing you or I or anyone can do to save an addict. Our troubled kids. We can do nothing. It feels horrible but we have no power over another adult, even a beloved one. What will she do after you are gone? Who will she call? Who will give her money? Nobody. We all take a personal life walk only with God, if we believe. There is nobody who can fix us as we try to fix others. But we can lean on others to learn to cope. In our cases, husband and I decided to let Al Anon and a therapist, who is an uninvolved third party, keep us in Sanity Lane. We have decided to take the advice we get. N Not everyone does take advice. Most of our adult children refuse outside help to get better. But parents who are suffering due to their kids often also refuse to get any outside help. Are you in Al Anon faithfully, or with a therapist you feel is safe? Do you have strong circles of support,even tiny ones? Family? Friends? A church family? Another type? We walk our life path, but we can have support systems that let us know they care. in my opinion doing this completely alone is not healthy. You deserve to enjoy your golden years. So do we all. Story that is sadly true: A man I know was an addict who is decades clean. His drug was heroin and he quit. Is that the end? No. Now his son is the same age as he was when he decided to quit. But his son won't quit. Won't even try. He is homeless under a bridge and recently almost died of drugs. The father flew down to comfort him in case he woke up and he did wake up, although he was on a breathing machine. Almost dying and having failing organs and now Multiple Schlerosis has not convinced the young man to do anything about his addiction. He is doing the same things as before. He denies he is sick or addicted. His sober brother bought him a tent. He gives his brother money. But he won't let him into his house. The brother has kids. He can't allow a heroin addict in his house, no matter how much he loves him. His father will not give him a dime. As an addict himself he told me that giving an addict anything makes them worse. He said he did not quit until his parents cut him off. Then he went into rehab for the 20th time and did it for good. Not until. I take an addicts advice seriously. Who knows better? This man is very active in Narcotics Ananymous AND Nar Anon. He tries to help others without enabling. Even his child who doesn't listen to him. I hope you can find some way that is positive to handle this atrocity. It is so hard to watch our kids circle the drain. I no longer watch. Not even social media. If she won't do better, I can't know what she is doing at all. I have to stay healthy for my sane loved ones. It's not all about Kay. I pray that you find peace in your own life even if you can't do anything to change your daughter. Hugs to you. [/QUOTE]
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