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My daughter wants to talk-Feeling horrible
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<blockquote data-quote="Acacia" data-source="post: 754129" data-attributes="member: 19832"><p>I don't know how to do the quote thing right, but Blindsided, this really resonates with me. My daughter is 39, undiagnosed mental illness and substance use- won't seek help. She cut me off for the same reasons you speak of - because I set boundaries and won't continue enabling. The truth is, as you said, I don't want to talk to her. It hurts too much because she blames, drags me into the chaos, and the sorrow is too much when I hear how awfully she is doing. </p><p></p><p>It's good to hear that you have set boundaries. You could ask her to communicate to you through letters or emails - she probably won't- but at least that would allow you time to process and respond as you choose.</p><p></p><p>I agree with what others have said about letting her into your home - it is continued enabling. After years of giving money, my home, time, childcare, love, etc., nothing has changed. Nothing will change until our daughters want to change. Even those with mental illness, if they want to get well, must eventually say uncle and seek help. I have two difficult adult children, and sadly, they show little concern for anyone but themselves.</p><p></p><p>I think, too, that the holidays always make things feel sadder when we have loved ones who are adrift - but that's just my opinion.</p><p></p><p>Warm hugs and prayers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Acacia, post: 754129, member: 19832"] I don't know how to do the quote thing right, but Blindsided, this really resonates with me. My daughter is 39, undiagnosed mental illness and substance use- won't seek help. She cut me off for the same reasons you speak of - because I set boundaries and won't continue enabling. The truth is, as you said, I don't want to talk to her. It hurts too much because she blames, drags me into the chaos, and the sorrow is too much when I hear how awfully she is doing. It's good to hear that you have set boundaries. You could ask her to communicate to you through letters or emails - she probably won't- but at least that would allow you time to process and respond as you choose. I agree with what others have said about letting her into your home - it is continued enabling. After years of giving money, my home, time, childcare, love, etc., nothing has changed. Nothing will change until our daughters want to change. Even those with mental illness, if they want to get well, must eventually say uncle and seek help. I have two difficult adult children, and sadly, they show little concern for anyone but themselves. I think, too, that the holidays always make things feel sadder when we have loved ones who are adrift - but that's just my opinion. Warm hugs and prayers. [/QUOTE]
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