My son & addiction

Lena D

New Member
Hi there. I am new to this forum and would love to receive input from anyone who has gone through a similar situation. Long story short, when my son was 21 years old and in college he came to me (his mom) and told me he was addicted to opioids. I eventually trapped him and stopped giving him money and told him he needed to get a job if he was going to continue spending money like this. He eventually came to me and told me that he could no longer live like this, this was not him and that his next step was heroin. He came home from college during and went to rehab for 5 days and was going to counseling. He has since graduated college and is now 24 years old and has a great job - but it is stressful - where he is the number one sales man nationwide for his company. Since this incident he has been receiving Vivatrol injections for the last 3 years . Before he can receive the Vivatrol he has to take a drug test. There is no opioids in the results but THC. He smokes what I consider to be a tremendous amount of marijuana. I think it's called "waking & baking" He plans on moving to Colorado in January with his job and does not plan on continuing the Vivatrol treatment. I know there are dispenseires everywhere and he will be able to get marijuana at any time. My relationship with my son is good except he hates when I worry about him. While he loves his father, their relationship is VERY strained. Until his move to Colorado, he has been living at at home but rarely talks to us . God forbid you ask him a question - he responds with attitude and just goes to his room and watches TV or plays a video game going out occassionaly with his friends from work on the weekends. I try to talk to him about cutting back on the smoking and he gets angry. If stops the Vivatrol injections, I'm afraid he will relapse and lose everything he worked so hard for. Of course I blame myself for his situation. He is a grown man now and I will worry about him always and forever. But what can I do to stop this worrying and have him listen to me about the dangers of smoking marijauna and go back to therapy? While he says it's nothing, he doesn't realize that eventually he will become immune and will crave something stronger and so on. Thanks! Lena
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Welcome.

You cannot control your son and his choices. He is a grown man and he has to decide what kind of life HE wants to live. There are never any guarantees that they will not relapse or make mistakes BUT they need to suffer the consequences of that, not us as parents.

The fact that he has a good job and is stable is a very positive thing and you should try to focus on that. You're worrying will NOT help him and only hurt your health, mental health etc.

I think that our adult children should be on their own. When they live in our home we normally worry more and ask more questions. My son is 26 and in college and lives with us after a horrible teenage year experience (read some below) and since has turned it around. He will be moving back to our hometown in August. I think it's time my husband and I take our lives back.

All we can give our grown sons at this point is our love and prayers.

Good luck.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
Hi there. I'm sorry about this...been there. I go to Nar Anon and therapy. Took me ten years to accept help and it's much better to accept help ASAP! Trust me!!!!

We have no control over our addicted kids or over anyone but ourselves. These are the Nar Anon three Cs. Very important to remember. We didn't Cause the addiction at all, we have no Control over what they do, and we can not Cure it even if we spend 24/7 trying. I like Nar Anon because it taught me how to let go of Kay with love to my higher power and to move on with my own life. I can't change Kay. But I can change my reaction to Kay and my own life beyond Kay. I am doing well. We all are. Now. Well, not Kay so much, but only Kay can help herself. So far she won't and we can't control that. The rest of us are close and thriving. The rest of us matter too.

Nar Anon sells a book called SESH (forget what it stands for) but I carry it around like a Bible to remind me of what I can and can not do and for daily reassurance. You can get it on Amazon.if you like. You can also try Nar Anon. We have Zoom meetings which are listed on the internet. I love my group. Mine is Thirday night...it says for one area, but anyone from anywhere can go to any meeting. It is not area specific as we are on Zoom.

Between Nar Anon and my therapist I saved my marriage, my relationships with my other kids and family, and I learned to take care of me. I had to learn that caring for me is not selfish.

There is nothing you can say to make your son listen to your fear for him. He will only stop when he is ready. This is frustrating but it's also true. No magic words. Usually they ignore us and even get abusive. Stop trying to make him hear you. He knows he is doing unhealthy things and does not care. Nagging can make them worse.

Sending love and prayers.
 
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Lena D

New Member
THANK YOU so much for your kind words and you are absolutely right. It is so hard to let go and stop worrying but it is very difficult. I have a wonderful daughter that I needs my love and attention as well. All I can do is pray. I believe in the power of prayer and know God will watch over him. I will get the book - I love to read. I hope Kay will help herself soon. Just be her "pillow"
 
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