Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
My son doesn't want to live here anymore. I'm devastated
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 709107" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>My understanding is that after age 12 or so the child can choose the parent to live with (failing some sort of abuse or danger in the situation) and their decision is likely to be upheld by the court.</p><p></p><p>Is there a custody mediator involved?</p><p></p><p>I think your story does bring up the possibility that full-time residential custody by Dad could be unsafe based upon the access to the prescription drugs and the binge drinking.</p><p></p><p>I disagree with others that his liking you, or hating you has any real importance in this situation. You are his parent, not his friend.</p><p></p><p>However difficult it is that our children reject us is secondary to their welfare and our role to parent them in a way that they grow up and thrive as responsible and healthy people. That role does not end at 18, from my perspective.</p><p></p><p>Do you feel that your son's best interests are served by his full-time residency with his father? Can you feel fairly certain that he will be safe, that his mental health issues and his substance use will be addressed? Do you believe it is in his interests that he continue to see his father binge drinking? Do you believe that letting your son decide to live there without your resistance, and sticking up for his welfare is in his best interests?</p><p></p><p>Whether or not we can successfully impose our own will and point of view is not the single important thing. It is equally or more important that our children see us as taking a stand for them, their best interests and their doing right for themselves.</p><p></p><p>I would want to be heard as the voice for self-care, for getting treatment, for setting limits, and the model of an adult who is not out of control drunk, self-indulgent, shirking parental responsibilities, etc. I do not know if I have been such a parent always. Maybe, maybe not. So I am not claiming here any moral authority. What I am saying is that there is a "right thing" to do. That I need to strive for. (After all, none of us, really, knows each other or really, each others' situations. We can only speak about who we are and strive to be.)</p><p></p><p>Who I am now, would want to decide based upon what is best for my child. I would want to know I tried one hundred percent to set an example by my own conduct, and choices--to do what is right for my son--that he see that I made those choices, and fought for him. Even by letting him go. That there would be limits. If he insisted in harming himself, repeatedly, which means not choosing according to his own best interests. But I would not let go without a fight. And I would not let go without real clarity about why I was letting go. Because this could be construed by our kids as indifference and abandonment.</p><p></p><p>Is there the possibility of getting therapy with your son, so that you can clarify and communicate what it is you need to see for him and for your relationship?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 709107, member: 18958"] My understanding is that after age 12 or so the child can choose the parent to live with (failing some sort of abuse or danger in the situation) and their decision is likely to be upheld by the court. Is there a custody mediator involved? I think your story does bring up the possibility that full-time residential custody by Dad could be unsafe based upon the access to the prescription drugs and the binge drinking. I disagree with others that his liking you, or hating you has any real importance in this situation. You are his parent, not his friend. However difficult it is that our children reject us is secondary to their welfare and our role to parent them in a way that they grow up and thrive as responsible and healthy people. That role does not end at 18, from my perspective. Do you feel that your son's best interests are served by his full-time residency with his father? Can you feel fairly certain that he will be safe, that his mental health issues and his substance use will be addressed? Do you believe it is in his interests that he continue to see his father binge drinking? Do you believe that letting your son decide to live there without your resistance, and sticking up for his welfare is in his best interests? Whether or not we can successfully impose our own will and point of view is not the single important thing. It is equally or more important that our children see us as taking a stand for them, their best interests and their doing right for themselves. I would want to be heard as the voice for self-care, for getting treatment, for setting limits, and the model of an adult who is not out of control drunk, self-indulgent, shirking parental responsibilities, etc. I do not know if I have been such a parent always. Maybe, maybe not. So I am not claiming here any moral authority. What I am saying is that there is a "right thing" to do. That I need to strive for. (After all, none of us, really, knows each other or really, each others' situations. We can only speak about who we are and strive to be.) Who I am now, would want to decide based upon what is best for my child. I would want to know I tried one hundred percent to set an example by my own conduct, and choices--to do what is right for my son--that he see that I made those choices, and fought for him. Even by letting him go. That there would be limits. If he insisted in harming himself, repeatedly, which means not choosing according to his own best interests. But I would not let go without a fight. And I would not let go without real clarity about why I was letting go. Because this could be construed by our kids as indifference and abandonment. Is there the possibility of getting therapy with your son, so that you can clarify and communicate what it is you need to see for him and for your relationship? [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
My son doesn't want to live here anymore. I'm devastated
Top