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Substance Abuse
My son entered rehab yesterday
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 763551" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I have done this too. About my need for my son to accept treatment (for a chronic and potentially fatal illness, as well as for mental illness, mainly delusions, that so trouble me.) My son listens respectfully. It does in one ear and out the other. He does not want what I want for him. He wants what he wants. The work here is my own to do. Accepting that what I want for him, is my problem, not his. Accepting who he is, what he does, and how he lives, is also my problem. These things are his rights.</p><p></p><p>Yes. My son has suffered so many indignities and so much abuse. I find it unbearable.</p><p></p><p>This is fantastic. Yet I read this and I feel torn. Are you reading helpless' thread? And RN's threads (and my own) of 4 or 5 years back. Yes. Recovery can take. And we mothers feel this is heaven-sent, when we see our children living with self-care and dignity and well-being. And it can continue. Yet at the same time our children can tire of this and return to the pattern and condition of their underbelly lives. And what happens, unless we work very, very hard (as you are now doing) to make ourselves and our lives our center, is that we crash with them, when they return to prior behaviors. It is very important to make this distinction, that their actions and well-being DO NOT CONDITION OUR OWN.</p><p></p><p>Well. My son has many things in common with your son in how they live. As far as I know, he has not been arrested, and so far has not died. We are in one of the areas of CA where there have been relentless atmospheric river storms, back-to-back, flooding, and mandatory evacuations. My son is homeless. I don't know where. We've searched for him and cannot find him. </p><p></p><p>What I am trying to say here is that they have the resources to survive. Yes, their numbers may come up. But mostly they don't. That life-or-death narrative comes from us. It is not helpful. It creates all sorts of havoc both internally for us, and how we become desperate, out of control and take on behaviors and roles and attitudes that are un-helpful for our children and families. I know this. I live it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 763551, member: 18958"] I have done this too. About my need for my son to accept treatment (for a chronic and potentially fatal illness, as well as for mental illness, mainly delusions, that so trouble me.) My son listens respectfully. It does in one ear and out the other. He does not want what I want for him. He wants what he wants. The work here is my own to do. Accepting that what I want for him, is my problem, not his. Accepting who he is, what he does, and how he lives, is also my problem. These things are his rights. Yes. My son has suffered so many indignities and so much abuse. I find it unbearable. This is fantastic. Yet I read this and I feel torn. Are you reading helpless' thread? And RN's threads (and my own) of 4 or 5 years back. Yes. Recovery can take. And we mothers feel this is heaven-sent, when we see our children living with self-care and dignity and well-being. And it can continue. Yet at the same time our children can tire of this and return to the pattern and condition of their underbelly lives. And what happens, unless we work very, very hard (as you are now doing) to make ourselves and our lives our center, is that we crash with them, when they return to prior behaviors. It is very important to make this distinction, that their actions and well-being DO NOT CONDITION OUR OWN. Well. My son has many things in common with your son in how they live. As far as I know, he has not been arrested, and so far has not died. We are in one of the areas of CA where there have been relentless atmospheric river storms, back-to-back, flooding, and mandatory evacuations. My son is homeless. I don't know where. We've searched for him and cannot find him. What I am trying to say here is that they have the resources to survive. Yes, their numbers may come up. But mostly they don't. That life-or-death narrative comes from us. It is not helpful. It creates all sorts of havoc both internally for us, and how we become desperate, out of control and take on behaviors and roles and attitudes that are un-helpful for our children and families. I know this. I live it. [/QUOTE]
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My son entered rehab yesterday
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