My son has passed away…

lovemysons

Well-Known Member
Our dear precious son passed away early Thanksgiving morning. He was likely on drugs. He was homeless and was hit by a vehicle In California.

I have been a member of the Board since he was around 13 years old. No more suffering, pain, depression, hunger or cold for him. He has been lifted up with G-d and his Savior Jesus Christ. I know he is finally happy without the use of drugs.

He loved his family and most especially his 3 children with all of his heart. I will miss him very deeply for the rest of my life until I die and we see each other again.
Telling his children was the hardest thing my husband and I have ever done. They were in shock and then she’d deep sorrowful tears.

He had a chance in March to come home with a bus ticket paid for and a $100 in his hands…he chose drugs. More recently, a week and a half ago he got out of another hospital after an episode on the streets. The first day he got out he used…as he did the second day too. He had a phone a special girl had given him. The last text he sent me was a song called, “Where feet may fail” by Oceans. I think I will play this at his funeral with a slideshow. He also was waiting on a $1,000 that was due to him so that he could this time come back home and be with our family and his children at Christmas time. The money arrived yesterday…a day too late. Apparently G-d needed him more.

Since our son was a pedestrian hit by a vehicle, there is an investigation. We will not be able to bring his body back to Oklahoma for probably close to two weeks.
Tomorrow we go to the funeral home and start the process.

I wanted to tell you a little about our son…he was born in Germany while husband was in the Army. His first word was “fooba” for football. As a toddler he was my sleepy baby…he would even put himself in his own crib. As he got older he loved art. He also played soccer, baseball and football…was even coached by his dad in football. He loved the weather…it was beautiful to him. He was a dreamer, a thinker…about profound stuff, yet as an adult it was the mundane…the 9-5 job that he couldn’t handle.
He loved legos. He loved guacamole. As he got older, he loved to write long eloquent texts about G-d and deep mysteries.
At 13 he started drinking and smoking. When he was 18 he joined the Army while his new wife was pregnant…this only last around 16 months. He was given an honorable discharge thank goodness but he was discharged for substance abuse.
A few years later while chasing a storm in another town, he had a suicidal episode and up in the ER room where he ended up spitting at 2 police officers. He was charged and went to prison for a year and half. The drug use was getting worse..opioids and then Meth. The streets were his home when things would stop working at our house. He liked California.
This is just a little about him…Oh and he was so handsome but never acted like he knew it. He also had a great sense of humor.
I am so glad G-d gave him to me. He taught me patience and expanded my capacity to love exponentially. He was complicated…I remember hearing the song Simple Man by Lynard Skinard when he was a teenager and crying with him in the car beside me on the way too school. I wanted him to be happy and have his own kind of success whatever that may be.
He was a good son…loved his mama SO much!

I know the way addiction works and I know it will seek to destroy me too if I let it. I must keep moving forward…holding my son in my heart always.

LMS
 

Estherfromjerusalem

Well-Known Member
Very very dear LMS, I am so dreadfully sorry. You have been an amazing mother to your son, time and again supporting him and bailing him out, and trying again, and again, to help him. Thank heavens you have a wonderful family, and you are so close to his three children. I pray that God will give you the strength you need. Sending you all a strong hug. Love, Esther
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
Dear LovemySons

Thank you for sharing with us a little bit of your son and his gifts, especially his great sensitivity.

I am so sorry for your loss. Through reading your posts I know of the great love you and he shared and how you were always there for him. I believe his children will know and feel always his deep and enduring love for them. I send love and prayers to you and your family.

Love, Copa
 
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BusynMember

Well-Known Member
God is with your precious son now and you have all my prayers and love. Your son was lovely with a bad disease. I know he will look after you until you meet again. He is your angel now.
 

ksm

Well-Known Member
I am so sorry. Thanks for sharing about your amazing son. He was well loved...and loved well...

Ksm
 

Crayola13

Well-Known Member
I’m so sorry. How terrible for his children. Your son sounds like a talented, wonderful, smart person. He’s not addicted to drugs anymore, and he’s no longer homeless.
 

newstart

Well-Known Member
Our dear precious son passed away early Thanksgiving morning. He was likely on drugs. He was homeless and was hit by a vehicle In California.

I have been a member of the Board since he was around 13 years old. No more suffering, pain, depression, hunger or cold for him. He has been lifted up with G-d and his Savior Jesus Christ. I know he is finally happy without the use of drugs.

He loved his family and most especially his 3 children with all of his heart. I will miss him very deeply for the rest of my life until I die and we see each other again.
Telling his children was the hardest thing my husband and I have ever done. They were in shock and then she’d deep sorrowful tears.

He had a chance in March to come home with a bus ticket paid for and a $100 in his hands…he chose drugs. More recently, a week and a half ago he got out of another hospital after an episode on the streets. The first day he got out he used…as he did the second day too. He had a phone a special girl had given him. The last text he sent me was a song called, “Where feet may fail” by Oceans. I think I will play this at his funeral with a slideshow. He also was waiting on a $1,000 that was due to him so that he could this time come back home and be with our family and his children at Christmas time. The money arrived yesterday…a day too late. Apparently G-d needed him more.

Since our son was a pedestrian hit by a vehicle, there is an investigation. We will not be able to bring his body back to Oklahoma for probably close to two weeks.
Tomorrow we go to the funeral home and start the process.

I wanted to tell you a little about our son…he was born in Germany while husband was in the Army. His first word was “fooba” for football. As a toddler he was my sleepy baby…he would even put himself in his own crib. As he got older he loved art. He also played soccer, baseball and football…was even coached by his dad in football. He loved the weather…it was beautiful to him. He was a dreamer, a thinker…about profound stuff, yet as an adult it was the mundane…the 9-5 job that he couldn’t handle.
He loved legos. He loved guacamole. As he got older, he loved to write long eloquent texts about G-d and deep mysteries.
At 13 he started drinking and smoking. When he was 18 he joined the Army while his new wife was pregnant…this only last around 16 months. He was given an honorable discharge thank goodness but he was discharged for substance abuse.
A few years later while chasing a storm in another town, he had a suicidal episode and up in the ER room where he ended up spitting at 2 police officers. He was charged and went to prison for a year and half. The drug use was getting worse..opioids and then Meth. The streets were his home when things would stop working at our house. He liked California.
This is just a little about him…Oh and he was so handsome but never acted like he knew it. He also had a great sense of humor.
I am so glad G-d gave him to me. He taught me patience and expanded my capacity to love exponentially. He was complicated…I remember hearing the song Simple Man by Lynard Skinard when he was a teenager and crying with him in the car beside me on the way too school. I wanted him to be happy and have his own kind of success whatever that may be.
He was a good son…loved his mama SO much!

I know the way addiction works and I know it will seek to destroy me too if I let it. I must keep moving forward…holding my son in my heart always.

LMS
Lovemysons, I am asking God to hold your broken heart. Your son will enjoy all the guacamole in heaven.. There is a wonderful support group called The Compassionate Friends nation wide, just google your area. They are a wonderful group of parents that help each other through the death of a child, all ages, all causes. They were wonderful and helpful to me when my son died. Love, support, comfort and peace of mind is prayed for you.
 

MissLulu

Well-Known Member
I’m so sorry to read this terrible news. My heart is breaking for you LMS. Thank you for sharing something about your son’s life with us. I’m sure he knew how much he was loved. He can rest peacefully now.
 

lovemysons

Well-Known Member
Thank you all SO much for your loving hugs prayers and care.

I have been texting a lot with my sons daughter. She is a sweetie just like her daddy. She wishes she could hear him tell her one more time how much he loves her and that it’s going to be okay.

Last week while his phone was still working he texted me this…
”Mama I have this wonderful book that I read last night and I want to bring this home with me and read this to my children I want to do this in a loving and safe environment happily and cheerfully I want you and dad to be there when I read this book to them to be able to express their hearts feelings with full acknowledgment by us together and I want to discuss openly how we all feel about their amazing answers and mom and dad please teach me I want to spend quality time together we have had so much distant time together I can’t leave my family ever again I can’t walk away when things get too hard for me to express I have to try to just listen”

I don’t know the name of the book my son was referring to but I hope it is in his belongings that get shipped back to us.
I sent this text her daddy wrote to me to her today. I told her if we get the book I will give it to her…she was happy about that but then texted me a short while ago and said, “I want dad back so badly.” I wish I could take away all of her pain.

LMS
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
Dear Lovemysons

That is so beautiful!!!

I did not know your son (of course) at least in this world, but I miss so much who he is and was. What a marvel.
I feel so sad I did not know him.

In reality, I haven't known anybody who could so openly express his or her great depth, love and longing.

It's almost as if he was too perfect for this world. Too heartfelt. Too open. Too deep and real and honest.

I feel so deeply with you and your family this loss. He has gone with the other great souls. Thank G-d for the children! I hope so much the book returns.
 

lovemysons

Well-Known Member
Thank you Copa…he was a beautiful soul. And you are a very dear soul as well. I have always loved reading your posts.
Everyone around me is hurting tonight. His wife just told me she was too depressed to get out of bed today.
Here was my response to her…

”You will be strong and you will be okay. The disease of addiction seeks to take all of us. We can’t let it destroy us…it has already taken J. We must continue to move forward and respect the life G-d gives each one of us. You have a very important role…you are the mother of 5 souls. They will need to see how you respond to great pain and anguish. I know how much you are hurting. I miss J immensely but I know he is still with me. He is still with you and the kids too. Please let God comfort you in knowing that J is finally happy and at peace.”

For me at the moment, I am doing okay. The pain comes in waves. One thing I have learned this week in going through this experience is that each parent of an addict has to go their own distance and be satisfied with their own efforts in trying to help their child. I live with no regrets as I know I did everything humanly possible to help J. Ultimately G-d was ready to take him home.

LMS
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
Your son was truly a marvelous soul, a special and very loving person and, yes, he is still with you. And his dear kids....he left a legacy you can cherish. I have tears in my eyes, feeling his sweetness. I am going to pray for all of you tonight. Addiction is such an ugly disease. But it did not take your sons humanity and loving nature from him.

Love and blessings.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
Dear Lovemysons:

There was so much hurt and loss in these years for each of us, for so many of us. So much fear and helplessness.

I too often closed down. Or became angry and rejecting. Too often I tried to control what I could not. I imposed conditions and rules, and none of them worked. The great love I have for my own son became eclipsed by my helplessness and fear.

I am not comparing here. I am only communicating that you love him and loved your son with all of your heart and soul. You rode the crest of that wave, even though you could have become submerged in the wave of fear and helplessness that I have given into all too often. You lived your love and so did he.

As much as this is the story of a man who was too perfect for this world, this is a heroes story: A heroic Mom who never ever lost touch with her love under the most difficult, tragic and trying circumstances. This is a great love story.

I am so very honored and grateful that you came back here to us.
 

rjrodgersblue

New Member
I so admire your spirit of love and kindness and forgiveness. I too have a son that is handsome, smart, caring -- but he can't stay sober longer than 3 months. I am blessed, though to be able to learn and grow emotionally through sharing with folks on this website that are struggling too with their loved ones. May God continue to hold you close.
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Lovemysons:

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

God's Will will always prevail.

I believe that with all my heart.

He is in a better place.

Hugs and prayers to your family at this time of loss.

His soul has been set free.
 

JayPee

Sending good vibes...
Lovemysons,

My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry for your loss and pray you will have healing and feel God's strength carrying you through all this. So tragic and so very sorrowful.

Sending prayers.
 

in a daze

Well-Known Member
I remember you, LMS. I am so sorry to hear you lost your son. My deepest sympathy to you.

I haven’t posted for a long time.

it just so happens that our nephew also passed away last week. Basically, he drank himself to death.

it’s just awful.
 
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