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Substance Abuse
My son went crazy ten years ago
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<blockquote data-quote="RN0441" data-source="post: 758371" data-attributes="member: 15032"><p>Thanks Ladies.</p><p></p><p>Yes Copa you are right I pulled very far away to protect myself. My son was not valuing his life and making dangerous choices over and over again and I came to the realization that we could lose him so I think I started breaking away for my own emotional survival. I have had several losses in my life but I felt nothing could compare or prepare me for the loss that may very well be coming our way.</p><p></p><p>When my husband took my son to Florida to sober living I told my husband to promise me that I’d never have to live with our son again. How sad is that. Fast forward 2-1/2 years later and he wasn’t better, actually much worse, and my husband promised him that he could return home if and only if he finished the 13 month program in Memphis. I was not sure how I felt about that promise. We were at the end of our ropes.</p><p></p><p>The love I have for my sons is so very deep and I have tried so hard to teach them things that they will need to help them get through life and be good people, and to be good to themselves and to each other. I always wanted to hold them close as mothers do.</p><p></p><p>I had to learn to push my son away and let him sink or swim because being close to me was destroying me and wasn’t helping him. I guess that is what I mean by “a new way of parenting”. That is the only way that I can explain it. It’s very hard to do that when they are minors or barely no longer minors. It went against every fiber of my being and I cannot imagine anything harder to rationalize yourself to do.</p><p></p><p>While my son was away I worked on myself too and on my marriage. It was such a gift of time.</p><p></p><p>I also have to add that when my son was almost 16 and we were about a year into this, one night he asked me to lay down with him to talk because it was night time and he was having extreme anxiety (probably due to pill abuse) and he told me that he wished he could fast forward ten years. I didn’t really know what he meant but I said that I thought he was wishing he was older and more mature so he could better deal with whatever it was he was dealing with. He agreed. I remember thinking good LORD do we have to wait ten years for some reprieve?? Maybe that is why the ten year mark is a focus for me.</p><p></p><p>Miss Lulu I think that your son is doing pretty well from what you say but of course we never really know what they are truly doing. My son still drinks but it seems like the worst is over and his maturity has kicked in. We have had a few rough patches in the 2 years that he’s been home and a few times I was terrified but thankfully he redirected and is seeming to finally “get” life. It is still hard to not have the “waiting for the other shoe to drop” feeling. I think it will be many years for me before I honestly don’t feel that way anymore. I cannot wait!</p><p></p><p>I recently heard on a radio program that God lets us go through bad things so that we can help others with what we learn. That makes so much sense to me now. That is really my purpose of staying on the site.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RN0441, post: 758371, member: 15032"] Thanks Ladies. Yes Copa you are right I pulled very far away to protect myself. My son was not valuing his life and making dangerous choices over and over again and I came to the realization that we could lose him so I think I started breaking away for my own emotional survival. I have had several losses in my life but I felt nothing could compare or prepare me for the loss that may very well be coming our way. When my husband took my son to Florida to sober living I told my husband to promise me that I’d never have to live with our son again. How sad is that. Fast forward 2-1/2 years later and he wasn’t better, actually much worse, and my husband promised him that he could return home if and only if he finished the 13 month program in Memphis. I was not sure how I felt about that promise. We were at the end of our ropes. The love I have for my sons is so very deep and I have tried so hard to teach them things that they will need to help them get through life and be good people, and to be good to themselves and to each other. I always wanted to hold them close as mothers do. I had to learn to push my son away and let him sink or swim because being close to me was destroying me and wasn’t helping him. I guess that is what I mean by “a new way of parenting”. That is the only way that I can explain it. It’s very hard to do that when they are minors or barely no longer minors. It went against every fiber of my being and I cannot imagine anything harder to rationalize yourself to do. While my son was away I worked on myself too and on my marriage. It was such a gift of time. I also have to add that when my son was almost 16 and we were about a year into this, one night he asked me to lay down with him to talk because it was night time and he was having extreme anxiety (probably due to pill abuse) and he told me that he wished he could fast forward ten years. I didn’t really know what he meant but I said that I thought he was wishing he was older and more mature so he could better deal with whatever it was he was dealing with. He agreed. I remember thinking good LORD do we have to wait ten years for some reprieve?? Maybe that is why the ten year mark is a focus for me. Miss Lulu I think that your son is doing pretty well from what you say but of course we never really know what they are truly doing. My son still drinks but it seems like the worst is over and his maturity has kicked in. We have had a few rough patches in the 2 years that he’s been home and a few times I was terrified but thankfully he redirected and is seeming to finally “get” life. It is still hard to not have the “waiting for the other shoe to drop” feeling. I think it will be many years for me before I honestly don’t feel that way anymore. I cannot wait! I recently heard on a radio program that God lets us go through bad things so that we can help others with what we learn. That makes so much sense to me now. That is really my purpose of staying on the site. [/QUOTE]
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My son went crazy ten years ago
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