My strange in law family ...weird concern

Nomad

Well-Known Member
One of our adult children is married and his in laws often do odd things, especially on FB.
one thing is brag to the point that it is noticeably strange. One time a post about a birthday was mistaken for a eulogy because it was so long winded and far reaching listing every accomplishment of the person.
Today I was dumbfounded to see another very long post with photos about how another family member , the father, was the best father in the world. It was many many paragraphs long and went into minute detail listing all the niceties of this man like he was a saint or on his death bed. These are ordinary people at best.We are talking about the same two folks...the mother and father who seem to expect their two adult children to laud them publicly and excessively. they often literally refer to them as “the best” mother, father, teacher, painter...whatever skill they have...they are the best at it.
Then the father typically replies thanking the daughter publicly fir the kind remarks in a verbose rehash of his own accomplishments. It’s bizarre and has a definite creepy self serving twist to it.
it’s always bugged me as I’ve never seen anything on FB this strange and can’t help but wonder “what’s up with this??” It would be embarrassing for me to see such a display.
Repeated big life stories going into details the best at everything...it’s over the top. I’m
beginning now to wonder if these parents, especially the father, are badly depressed and the daughters are trying to help them? Boost their morale? Or if the parents have even threatened suicide. It’s that creepy and over the top.I hope not...but I’m beginning to wonder. Do I dare ask my son, who is likely to know?
Thank you.
due to the personal nature of this post, there is a small chance I might ask for its removal.
 
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BusynMember

Well-Known Member
in my opinion it's none of your business. What will knowing do?

Maybe it would be a good idea not to look at their FB page if it upsets you. Love and blessings.
 

Nomad

Well-Known Member
I agree. I’m even a little embarsssed. It’s not their page technically. It’s the daughter. And she shares it. I’m friends with these people so it shows up on my Feed. I have been thinking of snoozing this main person Doing these really strange posts for thirty days.
I showed it to someone close to me who agrees that it’s all been over the top and strange. BUT this latest Interaction (Exchange) pushed the envelope out so far as to be a bit alarming as indicating perhaps a very deep depression.
BUT this doesn’t change much.
there have been other odd going’s on.
But Again, your response does still apply.
 

AppleCori

Well-Known Member
Self-serving, over-the-top behavior on social media? Say it ain’t so, Nomad!

All joking aside, I see a woman (your daughter in law) who deeply loves her family and wants to publicly acknowledge them in a way that they obviously appreciate. To her, they are the best parents in the world, and they did the best they could to raise her and she is undoubtedly grateful for them.

Your daughter in law is extremely close to her loving family. You are lucky. I bet she is a great wife to your son and mother to their children.

I don’t see anything here that points to depression or suicide, but even if it does, I don’t think it would be a good idea to say anything to your son. Nothing good can come of that conversation.
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
I agree that some people truly go over the top on Facebook. A distant relative had her young son pass due to an illness and actually posted a picture of her hand on his dead hand. I think it was just not in good taste. I think it cheapens everything.

I actually did a post for my husband for Father's Day because so many other people did one for their husband/father etc. I hadn't planned to do it.

If these people are already kind of weird it just makes sense that everything they do is a bit weird. I love FaceBook for many things like helping remember good times by getting to see the pics pop up that were previously posted but I think that many things should not be posted. Of course everyone's dad/mom/husband/child/dog is the BEST to them!! That is just plain silly.
 

Nomad

Well-Known Member
Good points guys. Thank you. Yes...the eulogy thing was very funny (and revealing). I totally get you RN.

I’ll spare you how one relative posted themselves “live” crying on FB. Even my Difficult Child wouldn’t tend to do that. I’m often gobsmacked. Things I have NEVER EVER seen on FB elsewhere.

blessings.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
There are some people and I am not one, who can let everything go over their heads. The reasoning is what I don't know won't hurt me. I think this is one of those situations where you'd be best served by not seeing. If they make fools of themselves, what's it to you? If this is pure love and admiration, what's it to you? If there is underlying depression or resentment or manipulation, what's it to you? This is only indirectly your family, but not really. It's your son's family, and the relationship is his to negotiate. There's no role for you here Nomad. YOu only stress yourself out by going there. Let it go over your head, by not seeing it. . Don't chase trouble.
 
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Deni D

Well-Known Member
This situation had me thinking about the five love languages. One of them is words of affirmation. When I read a couple of people's posts on fb in my mind I think, "Can't you say this stuff right to them? Why say it to the world? You're probably sitting right next to them." But I think making it public for folks gives it more of a kick, in their minds, shows the love even more, because they are telling the world. It's not something I'd go for and kind of creeps me out at the thought of it, but then I'm sure there are things I like that would creep someone else out.
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
I think that I have toughened up a lot after what I went through with my son. I don't let things affect me as much as I used to. Probably due to years of therapy. Sometimes I have a setback and let things bother me that shouldn't but then I realize it and I'm zapped back to my safe place.

A man I worked with in Chicago just passed on Monday. He was a great guy and very friendly. His first wife cheated and after a decade of being single, three years ago he remarried a lady and they were so very happy. He turned 60 a few months ago and retired because he just wanted to fish more than anything in this world. In mid March he wasn't feeling well so went to the doctor at his family's urging. Maybe he had COVID? Nope he was full of cancer.

Don't sweat the small stuff!
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
Why say it to the world? You're probably sitting right next to them." But I think making it public for folks gives it more of a kick,
I agree with Deni and with you Nomad. It sure seems that the idea here is to give the appearance and great love, adoration and wonderment. Like a PDA. Public Display of Affection which can have not one thing to do with love, except for it's illusion.

The thing is, it has nothing to do with you and you are not served by spending time in their brains or on their Facebook pages. There is nowhere to go with this that is anywhere good. This family is incompatible with your own, like oil and water. There are opposites that can never be combined. The resolution is to accept that.

That said, there are cultural differences in how people use and relate to Facebook. Just like with everything else. In M's culture, which is Mexican, there are these huge displays of tremendousness, of fantasy, of the moment, and everybody takes it in this way. Nobody believes it is anything more than advertisement. Do advertisements strive to display the truth of their products? Only if they are forced to by the government. But most of us watch ads this way, and we add appropriate filters. Or we don't watch at all. That's all I am saying. Nobody would take the over the top images and statements on an ad, as truth, or react to them based upon that.

There is a bottom line here. This family is different. You will have less stress, pain and frustration by leaving it there, and keeping interaction to a minimum.
 

Nomad

Well-Known Member
Great points. Helpful and wise too.
I unfriended the main person doing the bizarre posts. It’s actually not my daughter in law. It’s too complicated and boring to get into details. But by unfriending, I should miss much of it which is fine by me.
What I do see, I will let go over my head.
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
You can also keep them as a friend but "unfollow" them. I have done that with several people. Then if you want to check in on their page, you still can.
 

ksm

Well-Known Member
I know when my DGD posts "I'm so happy I am with the live of my life" memes... it's usually after the love of her life had been an a**h***. Or they had a big argument. I read those things and wonder what the heck has happened now... ksm
 

susiestar

Roll With It
Nomad, I know this is a late response, but this very much reminded me of a stage Wiz went through. Wiz just would NOT believe that any praise/positive words that he was given were true. He insisted that we were lying and trying to get him to believe us so that we could later tell him it was not true and we could laugh at him over believing us/anyone. He did believe we meant it when we told someone else, as long as we didn't aim any of the conversation to him. Overheard praise meant a LOT to him, esp if we told his grandparents (who lived in another state at the time). I used to go so far as to pretend to dial them and talk to them (usually I just called them, but it got to the point where I was calling multiple times a day, so sometimes I would just pretend to have them on the phone. I always told them about it later, of course.

I wonder if this family just doesn't believe the praise/positivity unless it is shouted to the world?
 
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