My stupid husband...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Bearsmom, Feb 15, 2020.

  1. Bearsmom

    Bearsmom New Member

    I am heartsick. My husband's daughter, freaked out chased someone with a stick, is talking to dead people, and filing false reports to the police .

    Police called to the place where she is staying, code compliance, said she has to go. Behavioral health was going out to get her evaluated.
    It was set up my husband talked about the bizarre behavior, and the prior meth abuse. He seemed glad that she would be evaluated.

    He tipped her off, she went somewhere and hid. He totally blew our chance to find out what we are dealing with and get her help.

    I am so angry. I guess he would rather support a grown woman who is mean, steals, lies and begs money all the time. You try to talk to her about anything, and she screams F*** You in your face and I don't F***ing care.

    The electric bill for the place was 1,000 $ cause she left the well pump running for a week. Water running down the ditch. I cannot understand him it's like he is afraid of her. I'm so done.
     
  2. BusynMember

    BusynMember Well-Known Member

    Hi. My heart hurts for you.

    I fear you may be dealing with a meth addict. This causes paranoia and can cause psychosis. I don't really know if a 72 hour psychiatric hold would give you much to go on. As child like as our grown kids can be, we can not be given any medical information without our adult child's consent. Dad sounds as if he is not ready to accept that he can not help his daughter by enabling her choices. That has to come from him but you can certainly take any stance you feel is safest for you. If you feel Daughter is dangerous you can say you will not live with her under any conditions.

    It sounds as if perhaps it would be safer for you not to confront her. People on drugs can have super strength and she is younger and stronger and drug addicts do not hear what we say as much more than an insult to them. That CAN cause violence.

    We can choose compassion toward our sick loved one and.ourselves by not engaging with people who could cause harm under the influence. She is not thinking rationally. Dad is so hurt that he is not either. Don't join the insanity and risk harm. Please. Your welfare matters and if we owe them anything it is to not trigger their illness and make them worse. We are sane. We can leave. It is hard at times but it is safe for us and kind to all if we do not get tangled up in the illnesses of others. This is true of both mental illness, untreated, and drug addiction.

    We have had to do this. Sometimes I hurt deeply but have learned tools in Nar Anon and therapy to let the pain and anger go. Confronting them may feel good for a moment but a fist in the face is not worth getting our inner thoughts out. My daughter is also capable of violence so it has been years since she has been allowed in our home and years since we told her how we felt. She just gets angry when we told her and she scarily plotted to harm. We have only seen her in crowded public places. She does not fight us in public.

    Dear one, take care of your own well being first. That is my two cents. I am sorry this is part of your life.path. if God is in your life, do lean on Him. It helps!

    Prayers and hugs to you.
     
  3. Bearsmom

    Bearsmom New Member

    Hi, thank you for your heartfelt reply. I hate to say this, but I have grown to despise her. I do however pray for her daily.

    Right now I want to shake my husband, it's like he has walled himself and his daughter into a team, against the rest of us.

    His excuse has always been not being able to afford having her evaluated, he purposely sabotaged the chance we had. Sure she would have been angry, but there were people willing to help. Now he is on his own.

    I have already told him I will not shelter her, and if he pushes that boundary, he can leave. My home is my only escape, and I refuse to give in on that.

    I can only focus on keeping myself strong, and balanced. I keep hoping he will finally see the light.
    This forum is a light in the darkness for me.

    (((Hugs))) to all in the trenches.
     
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  4. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry, Bearsmom. How very, very frustrating to be that close to getting her some help.

    It takes a lot to draw that line in the sand and say NO MORE. It sounds like maybe Hubs isn't quite there yet.

    Ultimately you can't MAKE him ready, but hopefully if you stand firm you can help him see that protecting her drug use and the resulting mayhem is only hurting her.

    Boy, do I know how difficult it is to be in different places with your spouse. Difficult children put an incredible strain on any relationship. Throw drugs in the mix and it is crazy-making and had me questioning my sanity AND my marriage. Counseling helped a lot. Are you seeing a therapist or going to any 12-step support?
     
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  5. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Bearsmom:

    This is all so difficult. It takes over ENTIRE LIFE if we let it. It takes every ounce of strength to NOT LET IT.

    You have gotten great advice here. I just wanted to offer my support and prayers.
     
  6. HMBgal

    HMBgal Active Member

    I've had to take the al-anon approach with my meth addicted 43 year old daughter. She's sleeping in her car, has blown through most of her friends, and can't hold a job. I didn't cause her drug abuse, and I can't cure it. I'm raising her children. I get overwhelmed by sadness at times, but I'm learning to let go. She's been in rehab several times, makes promises, goes up and down and would take us all with her if we let her.

    I'm so, so sorry you're going through this.