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Parent Emeritus
Narcissistic Personality-Bipolar
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 760523" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I don't think it's possible to stay strong. I think this is an impossibly difficult thing for a parent to accept. It would break down anybody with a heart. Turning to something that is always whole and unbroken, which is faith, for me, has been the only thing that has given me moments of peace. I was not much of a believer before I came to this site. I echo what RN writes:</p><p></p><p>This is a true thing:</p><p></p><p>As a parent, I found it unbearable that my son lives badly. I still do. I struggle between helping and being forced to acknowledge the reality which is my son is impossible for normal people to be around. Maybe this is the best my son can do, and what that means is that his options in life will be very limited. Or maybe he can do better but needs to learn from the consequences. In either case, there is nothing at all that I have experienced, that leads me to think that parents can help with this. My son does not allow me to help him unless he is in control--it's what he wants when he wants it. And we really can't ethically take away bad consequences from another adult. This is to deny them the opportunity to learn, which is the cornerstone of human life.</p><p></p><p>The upshot is that we have to sit with the grief, frustration, pain, and worry. For me, it's always there. I can have a few weeks of respite, (an illusion that it is better for a while) but it's always followed by reality returning.)</p><p></p><p>And the reality is always painful. I am sorry you're going through this too. </p><p></p><p>One thing I would say is that your son should not mistreat you, and you should not allow this. If this means he cannot be around you, so be it. That is his choice. Not yours. You tried to protect him. He was the one who decided to become mean. And he's the one who can decide to change. But he won't do so, as long as everything stays the way it is. </p><p></p><p>There are many of us here with you. Welcome.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 760523, member: 18958"] I don't think it's possible to stay strong. I think this is an impossibly difficult thing for a parent to accept. It would break down anybody with a heart. Turning to something that is always whole and unbroken, which is faith, for me, has been the only thing that has given me moments of peace. I was not much of a believer before I came to this site. I echo what RN writes: This is a true thing: As a parent, I found it unbearable that my son lives badly. I still do. I struggle between helping and being forced to acknowledge the reality which is my son is impossible for normal people to be around. Maybe this is the best my son can do, and what that means is that his options in life will be very limited. Or maybe he can do better but needs to learn from the consequences. In either case, there is nothing at all that I have experienced, that leads me to think that parents can help with this. My son does not allow me to help him unless he is in control--it's what he wants when he wants it. And we really can't ethically take away bad consequences from another adult. This is to deny them the opportunity to learn, which is the cornerstone of human life. The upshot is that we have to sit with the grief, frustration, pain, and worry. For me, it's always there. I can have a few weeks of respite, (an illusion that it is better for a while) but it's always followed by reality returning.) And the reality is always painful. I am sorry you're going through this too. One thing I would say is that your son should not mistreat you, and you should not allow this. If this means he cannot be around you, so be it. That is his choice. Not yours. You tried to protect him. He was the one who decided to become mean. And he's the one who can decide to change. But he won't do so, as long as everything stays the way it is. There are many of us here with you. Welcome. [/QUOTE]
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