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Never disinherit your kid
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 691475" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Cop a, thanks for your thoughts. If you had not seen or spoken to your son for over ten years and knew he wanted nothing to do with you and did not introduce you to his own children, the love could dim. Not one person knows how they would feel before it happens.</p><p></p><p>Many estranged parents just move on. We have no choice. It is hard to love a memory of somebody who is alive but loathes you too much to even call you if you are grievously ill. In my case, I have many other kids whom he has also hurt. I do love the child and young man I knew, but I don't kn o w this middle age man. Who is he???</p><p></p><p>I have no conditions on loving anyone, but shockingly I have found that love itself can disappear if the person us gone and clearly isn't coming back.I guess after a time, the person sort of dies in your heart or you die figuratively. I refuse. In the end, I can't control him. I can turn my attention to myself and love myself enough to let go forever and to place my love in loving hands.</p><p></p><p>It is hard to explain to those who haven't gone through it, but a common feeling on the estranged boards is exactly this. Eventually...five, seven, ten years of estrangement later, we have rebuilt our lives without them. It is hard for anyone who has never been there to understand or to imagine. It's the old saying, "you had to be there."</p><p></p><p>Also, he didn't just hurt me. Many times these types of adult kids "divorce" the entire family. I am protective of my kids he hurt. They did nothing to him. They were collateral damage. At any rate, he burned his bridges with all of them. Princess was close to him and he dumped herbivores hot potato. Once in a blue moon they run into one another shopping and exchangevawkward words, but Princess has no use for him and he is aloof and unfriendly to her. It is hi and good bye.</p><p></p><p>After a while, if somebody is gone with irrational anger toward you your constant recent memory (not just words but deeds) you move on. In my case, I am blessed with many loved ones. I see and talk to them all the time. I choose not to be a wounded victim. That would be letting myself and my other loved ones down. I do think it's harder if you only have had one kid but many estranged parents have their only children or all of their children divorce them and eventually they too get tired of the games and abuse and move on</p><p>I say gently that you do not know this dynamic so it's impossible to judge it. I felt like you once, even five years ago and certainl ybefore it happened I felt that way. I also never dreamed it could happen and did not see it coming.</p><p></p><p>At any rate, I let time take its course rand immersed myself in my life and that of the family and friends who do love me and want me around. I am very much at peace now. I don't do abuse or estrangement and allow others to destroy me. Not happening.</p><p></p><p>Please don't judge what you don't understand. I don't think it will, but it can happen to anyone. In my case, my son acted normal almost up until the cut off. There was no warning. Sometimes it is like that.</p><p></p><p>This is painful to me so if you wish to comment further please first read at least twenty stories on an estrangement sight. I likeb"Daiky Strength Estrange Parents if Adult Children." That will give you more of a feel for the incredible abuse such adult kids heap on us just for loving them. Until then, I feel I explained this enough. I don't wish to explain it more to people who have not yet gone through it. I did love him dearly and tried to fix whatever it was....but nobody is worth ones own life.</p><p></p><p> One person does not a relationship make. It could never be the same between us even if he wanted to come back. I don't trust him and he is still with devil wife, as I call her. No, I never called her that,was always nice to her the few times until met her.</p><p></p><p>I often wake in the middle of night and enjoy the solitude, but don't keyboard the best when I'm tired. Please excuse any of my tablets letters. Thanks.</p><p></p><p>This is not killing me. To not face the truth would kill me. One can not protect somebody if the police would be called on us for going to see them AND if we don't know what they are even doing. They block Facebook, our numbers usually. We are not able to do anything. Do read other stories. Estrangement is not out faults. We don't choose it.</p><p></p><p>Ok, have a stupendous day!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 691475, member: 1550"] Cop a, thanks for your thoughts. If you had not seen or spoken to your son for over ten years and knew he wanted nothing to do with you and did not introduce you to his own children, the love could dim. Not one person knows how they would feel before it happens. Many estranged parents just move on. We have no choice. It is hard to love a memory of somebody who is alive but loathes you too much to even call you if you are grievously ill. In my case, I have many other kids whom he has also hurt. I do love the child and young man I knew, but I don't kn o w this middle age man. Who is he??? I have no conditions on loving anyone, but shockingly I have found that love itself can disappear if the person us gone and clearly isn't coming back.I guess after a time, the person sort of dies in your heart or you die figuratively. I refuse. In the end, I can't control him. I can turn my attention to myself and love myself enough to let go forever and to place my love in loving hands. It is hard to explain to those who haven't gone through it, but a common feeling on the estranged boards is exactly this. Eventually...five, seven, ten years of estrangement later, we have rebuilt our lives without them. It is hard for anyone who has never been there to understand or to imagine. It's the old saying, "you had to be there." Also, he didn't just hurt me. Many times these types of adult kids "divorce" the entire family. I am protective of my kids he hurt. They did nothing to him. They were collateral damage. At any rate, he burned his bridges with all of them. Princess was close to him and he dumped herbivores hot potato. Once in a blue moon they run into one another shopping and exchangevawkward words, but Princess has no use for him and he is aloof and unfriendly to her. It is hi and good bye. After a while, if somebody is gone with irrational anger toward you your constant recent memory (not just words but deeds) you move on. In my case, I am blessed with many loved ones. I see and talk to them all the time. I choose not to be a wounded victim. That would be letting myself and my other loved ones down. I do think it's harder if you only have had one kid but many estranged parents have their only children or all of their children divorce them and eventually they too get tired of the games and abuse and move on I say gently that you do not know this dynamic so it's impossible to judge it. I felt like you once, even five years ago and certainl ybefore it happened I felt that way. I also never dreamed it could happen and did not see it coming. At any rate, I let time take its course rand immersed myself in my life and that of the family and friends who do love me and want me around. I am very much at peace now. I don't do abuse or estrangement and allow others to destroy me. Not happening. Please don't judge what you don't understand. I don't think it will, but it can happen to anyone. In my case, my son acted normal almost up until the cut off. There was no warning. Sometimes it is like that. This is painful to me so if you wish to comment further please first read at least twenty stories on an estrangement sight. I likeb"Daiky Strength Estrange Parents if Adult Children." That will give you more of a feel for the incredible abuse such adult kids heap on us just for loving them. Until then, I feel I explained this enough. I don't wish to explain it more to people who have not yet gone through it. I did love him dearly and tried to fix whatever it was....but nobody is worth ones own life. One person does not a relationship make. It could never be the same between us even if he wanted to come back. I don't trust him and he is still with devil wife, as I call her. No, I never called her that,was always nice to her the few times until met her. I often wake in the middle of night and enjoy the solitude, but don't keyboard the best when I'm tired. Please excuse any of my tablets letters. Thanks. This is not killing me. To not face the truth would kill me. One can not protect somebody if the police would be called on us for going to see them AND if we don't know what they are even doing. They block Facebook, our numbers usually. We are not able to do anything. Do read other stories. Estrangement is not out faults. We don't choose it. Ok, have a stupendous day!!! [/QUOTE]
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