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Never disinherit your kid
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 731315" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You were the Scapegoat. I was too. You had no chance of winning. Sometimes scapegoats over try to show we are good people by being extra kind. I tried sending my mom love letters and apologizing for all I ever did that was wrong to her although I had no idea what I had done that was so bad (and she NEVER apologized to me for anything) and I called her monthly and was overly kind. So she told my sister I just called to annoy her....lol. I was the Scapegoat. To a parent with a personality disorder, like my mom had, I was always bad, my motives were always bad and she was never going to think otherwise. Eventually, I quit trying.</p><p></p><p>My mother loathed me. Even if I had nursed her in my own home at the end, she would have put it down to wanting her money. She would have still slapped me from the grave. Everything good I ever did she demeaned as a bad motive. That would have been no different.</p><p></p><p>By the time she got brain cancer I knew it was best for me to let my siblings handle her. I never visited. At one time, earlier on, when she had a brain tumor she told everyone not to tell me about it and they didn't. She didn't really want me around. So I didn't go. I didn't feel bad about not going to visit her since she never ever asked for me the last time either.</p><p></p><p>When I went to her funeral I felt no grief. I had grieved her years before. She wouldn't let me love her and didn't see my kids at all. She disinherited me. It didn't surprise me but it hurt. My siblings didn't even call to tell me and never tried to find out if it hurt me or to console me. I needed them then but they plain didn't care enough to even listen to my hurt and pain. They never called to ask if I was okay. I sure would have if one of them had been left out!</p><p></p><p> Eff them. It was not about the money, there was little. It was that my mother loathed me so much she punished from the grave. And my sibling's cared nothing about my angst. It's not like I went after the money. I did not. It was the rejection from all of them.</p><p></p><p>Due to this and and my siblings enabling her abuse of me I won't see them again. My dear father recently passed and after the estate is done, I plan on sticking with only my beloved family of choice. My siblings can't hurt me ever again now that my father is no longer around to wish we can all get along. So I am free. I don't have to try to act friendly for his sake. Actually I think my brother is nice but he wasn't there for me either. And my sister has been a long-standing nightmare who lacks compassion. I will walk away. I don't believe my brother will get to know me again (we were once close) with my sister and me not talking. But I have to keep my sister away at any cost. The stuff she did to me you can read on the Water Cooler. I am too old to put up with that level of crazy anymore.</p><p></p><p>Try to do the same with your brother. You did your best. A family scapegoat can do no right. Roles are a family disease and not your fault. There is an appointed Golden Child and a Scapegoat to a parent who is narcicistc or borderline. These roles don't occur in healthy families.</p><p></p><p> Much love! Also listen to YouTube videos on family scapegoats and narc parents and their dysfunctional families they produce. . You will learn a lot and hopefully feel better. They greatly helped me.</p><p></p><p>Prayers and light!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 731315, member: 1550"] You were the Scapegoat. I was too. You had no chance of winning. Sometimes scapegoats over try to show we are good people by being extra kind. I tried sending my mom love letters and apologizing for all I ever did that was wrong to her although I had no idea what I had done that was so bad (and she NEVER apologized to me for anything) and I called her monthly and was overly kind. So she told my sister I just called to annoy her....lol. I was the Scapegoat. To a parent with a personality disorder, like my mom had, I was always bad, my motives were always bad and she was never going to think otherwise. Eventually, I quit trying. My mother loathed me. Even if I had nursed her in my own home at the end, she would have put it down to wanting her money. She would have still slapped me from the grave. Everything good I ever did she demeaned as a bad motive. That would have been no different. By the time she got brain cancer I knew it was best for me to let my siblings handle her. I never visited. At one time, earlier on, when she had a brain tumor she told everyone not to tell me about it and they didn't. She didn't really want me around. So I didn't go. I didn't feel bad about not going to visit her since she never ever asked for me the last time either. When I went to her funeral I felt no grief. I had grieved her years before. She wouldn't let me love her and didn't see my kids at all. She disinherited me. It didn't surprise me but it hurt. My siblings didn't even call to tell me and never tried to find out if it hurt me or to console me. I needed them then but they plain didn't care enough to even listen to my hurt and pain. They never called to ask if I was okay. I sure would have if one of them had been left out! Eff them. It was not about the money, there was little. It was that my mother loathed me so much she punished from the grave. And my sibling's cared nothing about my angst. It's not like I went after the money. I did not. It was the rejection from all of them. Due to this and and my siblings enabling her abuse of me I won't see them again. My dear father recently passed and after the estate is done, I plan on sticking with only my beloved family of choice. My siblings can't hurt me ever again now that my father is no longer around to wish we can all get along. So I am free. I don't have to try to act friendly for his sake. Actually I think my brother is nice but he wasn't there for me either. And my sister has been a long-standing nightmare who lacks compassion. I will walk away. I don't believe my brother will get to know me again (we were once close) with my sister and me not talking. But I have to keep my sister away at any cost. The stuff she did to me you can read on the Water Cooler. I am too old to put up with that level of crazy anymore. Try to do the same with your brother. You did your best. A family scapegoat can do no right. Roles are a family disease and not your fault. There is an appointed Golden Child and a Scapegoat to a parent who is narcicistc or borderline. These roles don't occur in healthy families. Much love! Also listen to YouTube videos on family scapegoats and narc parents and their dysfunctional families they produce. . You will learn a lot and hopefully feel better. They greatly helped me. Prayers and light! [/QUOTE]
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