I completely agree. My mother had me intentionally disinherited from, first, her husband's will (2004) and then their trust (2017). I discovered this when I was helping them move into an ALF. I had taken three weeks out of my life, traveled across the country and spent thousands of dollars to help them. She had lied to me for all of those years, saying that whatever they had would be left to my brother and me equally. When I talked to their wealth manager, I made it clear that the most important thing was that they lived in a healthy and safe enviroment - that it made no difference to me if all of their money was spent on their care for the last yers of their lives, as long as they were happy and taken care of. The only reason I found out that I had been disinherited was because I found their will when I was clearing out their paperwork and shredding it so that their identities couldn't been stolen through peronal information. I didn't confront her but I couldn't help but cry, thinking that she must ahve really hated/resented me to have me intentially disinherited. (My brother married into a wealthy family andhis wife made bank, so I know it wasn't based on him being in more financial need.) She obviously realized I was upset and somehow guessed because she then showed me their trust paperwork where it said that there was no provision for me in the trust. It was like salt in the wound. Even though my mother was abusive to us when we were childre, I only ever did the best I could by her. As her adult child, she never respected my boudaries and was extrmemly toxic. I still spend hours every week doing stuff for her like online shopping and setting up doctor's appointments (before and during Covid). My brother can have any money that's left over when she passes. It's just so hurtful that she still lies to me, telling me that we are both equla beneficiaries. It's hard to believe her when she tells me how grateful they are for all I do for them and that she loves me. I don't believe her. I just think she's afraid I'll stop doing things to help them.Its not about the money. Your child will always feel like you never loved him or her and you wont be alive to explain. Although I doubt my mother would have ever wanted to explain. It was her slap from the grave.
I radically accept it but it has caused tons of pain.
A thread on PE prompted this short post. I think its important for us not to be as mean as our parents. Our children may not be perfect (although I think mine are...haha) but we love them and they need to forever feel that we loved them. Disinheriting is sadistic unless your child stole all your money or beat you. Special needs trust funds are different than disinheriting a child. I am not talking about that.
Just my heartfelt thoughts.