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New and pretty hopeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Deni D" data-source="post: 760795" data-attributes="member: 22840"><p>Justrose, oh, boy, and considering it's a really bad plan she will most likely go through with it. Both of your questions, how will she survive and how do you, are really good ones. </p><p></p><p>I don't know what I would have done if a mental health organization had not stepped in to help my son after many hospital stays. He can't live here, I couldn't take it any longer. They provide housing for him and take him to social services, food banks and such. You probably know she will be calling you from Cali looking for a ride back home. If I were you, I'd provide a bus ticket for her but not him. But then she needs services, services that might have already been offered to her but seen as beneath her at the time. My son is happy he has a place to stay now, is grateful for it and loves it, but blames me still for his past homeless situations. Situations I felt forced to not rescue him from after so many rescues and years of chaos created by him. The jury is still out on my son but he's been waffling between apologizing to me and anger towards me lately. One thing I do know is I couldn't continue the wash, rinse, repeat for myself and mostly for him if he is going to have a chance of living somewhat successfully on his own at some point. </p><p></p><p>I won't go on about how to continue with what you have been trying for yourself. I know there are times when you feel like there's nothing you have tried already that will help when things to upside down like now for you. All I can suggest is something that works for me, but maybe not for you ~ I go outside, wherever I am, in my bare feet and feel the earth, that makes me then notice my surroundings, makes me take deep breaths, feel my self grounding to the earth. It doesn't fix anything but it takes me outside of myself to realize I'm not in charge of making everything right for those around me, I'm only a small speck in the universe and not in charge. Which gives me a little comfort. </p><p></p><p>I also know what it's like dealing with that alternate world compared to what we experience. I have a couple of very close friends who I don't mention my son to anymore because they either get angry with him or angry with me and want me to to just exit him from my life. These are otherwise normal people who wouldn't think of disowning their own children, but then their children don't have the issues ours have. I'm 100% positive they wouldn't appreciate the same advice from me if their children were (non)functioning as ours are, but, well, it is what it is. So over the years I've become really good at stepping away from them to take a call from him, getting off of the phone after a sizzling blast from my son, taking a breath and going back and acting like nothing happened. I don't know how I even do it when I think about it, but I know it's something called compartmentalizing. And I know I'm not going to get any kind of support so I no longer look for it. If I'm really upset I find an innocuous excuse for ending my time with them and go lick my wounds by myself. No one seems to ever notice. I figure that's what therapists and our special space here is for, only those who can relate, can relate. </p><p></p><p>As far as "fakebook" being full of other people's functioning kids, my take is normally if someone is proud of their kid for whatever, they tell them in person. If they have to go to fakebook to acclaim that kind of stuff to me it seems either their kids don't have time for them or they don't have the relationship they show online. I'm old school, as in you do the important stuff in person, so I could be off, but too much online just seems contrived to me. For example ~ one of my neighbors is kind of loud and bit*hes his twenty something daughter out on the regular, very loud, and very nasty, which I hear across the street from my home if my windows are open. Then after one of those crazy sessions he puts a picture of her and some proclamation of how great she is on fakebook and she responds with a heart emoji. I'm sure not all are like that but there are enough who's "real" lives I'm very familiar with who's fakebook stuff I know is just that, fake.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Deni D, post: 760795, member: 22840"] Justrose, oh, boy, and considering it's a really bad plan she will most likely go through with it. Both of your questions, how will she survive and how do you, are really good ones. I don't know what I would have done if a mental health organization had not stepped in to help my son after many hospital stays. He can't live here, I couldn't take it any longer. They provide housing for him and take him to social services, food banks and such. You probably know she will be calling you from Cali looking for a ride back home. If I were you, I'd provide a bus ticket for her but not him. But then she needs services, services that might have already been offered to her but seen as beneath her at the time. My son is happy he has a place to stay now, is grateful for it and loves it, but blames me still for his past homeless situations. Situations I felt forced to not rescue him from after so many rescues and years of chaos created by him. The jury is still out on my son but he's been waffling between apologizing to me and anger towards me lately. One thing I do know is I couldn't continue the wash, rinse, repeat for myself and mostly for him if he is going to have a chance of living somewhat successfully on his own at some point. I won't go on about how to continue with what you have been trying for yourself. I know there are times when you feel like there's nothing you have tried already that will help when things to upside down like now for you. All I can suggest is something that works for me, but maybe not for you ~ I go outside, wherever I am, in my bare feet and feel the earth, that makes me then notice my surroundings, makes me take deep breaths, feel my self grounding to the earth. It doesn't fix anything but it takes me outside of myself to realize I'm not in charge of making everything right for those around me, I'm only a small speck in the universe and not in charge. Which gives me a little comfort. I also know what it's like dealing with that alternate world compared to what we experience. I have a couple of very close friends who I don't mention my son to anymore because they either get angry with him or angry with me and want me to to just exit him from my life. These are otherwise normal people who wouldn't think of disowning their own children, but then their children don't have the issues ours have. I'm 100% positive they wouldn't appreciate the same advice from me if their children were (non)functioning as ours are, but, well, it is what it is. So over the years I've become really good at stepping away from them to take a call from him, getting off of the phone after a sizzling blast from my son, taking a breath and going back and acting like nothing happened. I don't know how I even do it when I think about it, but I know it's something called compartmentalizing. And I know I'm not going to get any kind of support so I no longer look for it. If I'm really upset I find an innocuous excuse for ending my time with them and go lick my wounds by myself. No one seems to ever notice. I figure that's what therapists and our special space here is for, only those who can relate, can relate. As far as "fakebook" being full of other people's functioning kids, my take is normally if someone is proud of their kid for whatever, they tell them in person. If they have to go to fakebook to acclaim that kind of stuff to me it seems either their kids don't have time for them or they don't have the relationship they show online. I'm old school, as in you do the important stuff in person, so I could be off, but too much online just seems contrived to me. For example ~ one of my neighbors is kind of loud and bit*hes his twenty something daughter out on the regular, very loud, and very nasty, which I hear across the street from my home if my windows are open. Then after one of those crazy sessions he puts a picture of her and some proclamation of how great she is on fakebook and she responds with a heart emoji. I'm sure not all are like that but there are enough who's "real" lives I'm very familiar with who's fakebook stuff I know is just that, fake. [/QUOTE]
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