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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 758782" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Newstart,</p><p></p><p>I feel for the emotional pain and longing in your heart. Wishing and hoping for things that have not happened. It hurts. I've been there too (not very long ago). I used to cringe when people started talking about how well their children were doing...college, families, buying new homes. I felt so ashamed at the failures I felt my two sons were. So many horrible, hurtful things have happened in the past that have ripped my heart in two. It is very tough going through this and I think I've said this before but pray for yourself. Pray that God changes YOU...and when you pray, relax when you pray so you are open to what He has to give. I read somewhere before that said if your fist is clenched, how can you be open to what someone has to give you?</p><p></p><p>I truly think the only way my situation improved was because I changed. Even amidst the sorrow and despair, the wishing and the hoping I had the courage to say to myself, well...let me work on myself while my sons are in such a pitiful state in their lives. It felt very selfish at first. I would go out to eat with my sister or spend time with her and other family while my two sons were living in their cars, often freezing in the wintertime in New England. It's not that I abandoned them because the Lord knows I tried and tried to fix their lives but nothing ever really started to change for them until they were ready. I had to push myself through moments like this often times not really being present but knowing it's what I needed to do. They have a very long way to go but they both live under a roof now and both are working. That is nothing short of a miracle. It's not perfect but compared to where they were at a few years ago, I'll take it. </p><p></p><p>I also went to a therapist and maybe that's something you might consider. There's so much anxiety and guilt that we experience as we are trying to maneuver through these situations with our children. It's not a wonder when you try to sleep you have these horrible dreams. It's part of the fear, obligation and guilt that you experiencing. </p><p></p><p>Practice self-care and pray for yourself to change in whatever "healthy" way is necessary to help you get through this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 758782, member: 23405"] Newstart, I feel for the emotional pain and longing in your heart. Wishing and hoping for things that have not happened. It hurts. I've been there too (not very long ago). I used to cringe when people started talking about how well their children were doing...college, families, buying new homes. I felt so ashamed at the failures I felt my two sons were. So many horrible, hurtful things have happened in the past that have ripped my heart in two. It is very tough going through this and I think I've said this before but pray for yourself. Pray that God changes YOU...and when you pray, relax when you pray so you are open to what He has to give. I read somewhere before that said if your fist is clenched, how can you be open to what someone has to give you? I truly think the only way my situation improved was because I changed. Even amidst the sorrow and despair, the wishing and the hoping I had the courage to say to myself, well...let me work on myself while my sons are in such a pitiful state in their lives. It felt very selfish at first. I would go out to eat with my sister or spend time with her and other family while my two sons were living in their cars, often freezing in the wintertime in New England. It's not that I abandoned them because the Lord knows I tried and tried to fix their lives but nothing ever really started to change for them until they were ready. I had to push myself through moments like this often times not really being present but knowing it's what I needed to do. They have a very long way to go but they both live under a roof now and both are working. That is nothing short of a miracle. It's not perfect but compared to where they were at a few years ago, I'll take it. I also went to a therapist and maybe that's something you might consider. There's so much anxiety and guilt that we experience as we are trying to maneuver through these situations with our children. It's not a wonder when you try to sleep you have these horrible dreams. It's part of the fear, obligation and guilt that you experiencing. Practice self-care and pray for yourself to change in whatever "healthy" way is necessary to help you get through this. [/QUOTE]
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