Not sure how I survived

stillhopeful

New Member
I just officially joined this forum, but the warrior parents on this site have been guiding and helping me for the past 7 years. I won't write out the whole, long heartbreaking saga that has kept me glued to this site. However, I will give a brief summary of the past 14 years on son that was adopted at age 4 from foster care. He has two brothers and a sister who are launched and doing ok.
Mental health evaluations and counselling until age 26 when insurance no longer available.
Bipolar, ADHD, Reactive attachment disorder, major depression, drug addiction
Jail X 4
Prison X 1
suicidal ideation - one almost successful attempt resulting in intensive care 7 days
Inability to hold a job
Homeless X 3 years
Rehabs - X 7 - completed only one but relapsed 7 months later. All were short term 30 - 60 days. Not enought to really get clean
Graduated high school and complete one year of college.
Currently living with a friend over 200 miles away
On the positive side - he does not call me names or abuse me in that way. Always says "I love you" when he calls - but is usually asking for something.
Husband - his father and my soul mate has been constant strength in dealing with this and was the first to detach. I turned him over to God in 2015 on the advice of some wonderful people on this forum.
Also learned about radical acceptance on this site and I pracitice it daily.
I have accepted also from this forum that a miracle is not likely. It is his life to live even though I am so very sad he chose this path. So I am living my life, hoping and praying for a change for him and on a very small scale, I am stillhopeful.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
Welcome Stillhopeful. I am glad you're now formally here.

I adopted my son from foster care too. He was 22 months. He is now 32. What can I say?

My son also completed a year of college. Honestly, I would never ever have imagined he would take the path he did. But now that we are here I kind of see it as inevitable. He lives marginally. He will live as he is able. My son can't hold a job or won't.

I am not helping anymore. It's not my problem. I recognize now and accept that all lives don't go on an upswing. It's hard but way less hard than it used to be.

I used to put myself at the center. It's like I acted as the punching bag in his life. I felt all of the blows. I felt them when he didn't.

Finally, when I had allowed myself to be almost destroyed, I began to take myself out of the ring. I had to make a choice between life and death. I chose to live.

You are not alone. You know that.

I think there is room for hope. But the only way that can work, is as you say, letting go. Acceptance, that we are out of it. Getting out of the ring.
 
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BusynMember

Well-Known Member
Hi. I am so sorry for your.pain.

My daughter is adopted and very young but she acts as if she is not attached to any of us. She has chosen not to get help and to be homeless. We don't talk to her, even on holidays. Her choice because we no longer give her money.

I have no hope and have let go with love. Whatever happens just does. We are doing better now. Kay is not.

All we can do is pray for them and take care of ourselves. Like you,I have other loved ones, including kids. I choose to focus on my husband, my kids, grands and myself. I can not do anything for Kay....we tried and tried.

Prayers and hugs.
 

Nomad

Well-Known Member
Welcome. I see you have been through a lot. My heart aches for you. I / we well understand. Our daughter is adopted. She has the adhd/ bipolar diagnosis. It’s been VERY difficult starting around 18 months. Mind boggling. She is 30 plus years now. The teen years were frightening. There has been a lot of cumulative damage. There have been teeny tiny improvements and n recent years. She can not work due to mood swings and little to no understanding of cause and effect. She is no longer abusive. Often ungrateful (big time) at times a bit mean ...but nothing truly abusive. My heart still hurts some days...for what it might have been had she been a healthy individual. She does seem to have a good heart. Some days I ache in my soul..but fortunately not nearly as much as in the past. Life moves on. I no longer ask why and so forth. Because there simply is no answer. I still have some hope that things might improve. It might be another “teeny tiny” step...but I’ll be grateful.
 

JMom

Well-Known Member
Still hopeful,

yes,indeed, there is always hope. You have been through a lot. I am glad you’re here!
 
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