Not to much to update on son, just need to vent.


Active Member
My son’s court case had been continued twice already. He did call me & acourse it was begging me to get him out & trying to find ways to manipulate me. He said if he can’t come with me , then I can lie to the Judge to get him released to me & then he can go stay with a friend. I don’t know what it was but I felt just triggered by this, I was so angry , how selfish to think I would lie to a Judge & risk getting in trouble . I told him he’s selfish & all he is doing is thinking of himself & not anyone that he has hurt . He was mad I said that & his attitude changed quickly & he got mad. We went back & forth but it went no where , I usually don’t waste my energy arguing with him but there was a lot I needed to get off my chest. He said he will call Sunday but I told him I’m going on a mini getaway with kids & I probably won’t get to the phone because we will be in the Waterpark & again he got mad , like if I shouldn’t be enjoying myself cuz he’s locked up , once again being selfish, not thinking of everything he put me through. All I know is for the first time I’m not feeling guilty, I did everything to help him. I’m looking forward to a drama free getaway with my husband & kids. I feel stronger emotionally & I don’t know how long this will last but I actually feel like I’m in control , not consumed by his actions.


Well-Known Member
Dear Helpless

I am sorry you're going through this but pleased for you that you feel stronger. I would only say this: Your son is mentally still a child, and a wayward child at that. And now he's strategizing and maneuvering to achieve his aim, which is to be out. His sense of what's possible is completely out of synch with his actual situation. He feels empowered when he's actually quite vulnerable. There is NOTHING logical or rational about how he's going about anything.

Your best bet now is to leave him to stew in his juices. Nearly everything he's done lately has been motivated by his skewed thinking. The only thing that will (eventually) help him do better is maturity and consequences. The maturity may not come for a while. Years, in fact. But consequences can start to come now. I would try to recognize that he's put himself in a situation where all of the control now rest in the "system." Not in you or any family.

I think you are best served by NOT being in a situation where he can target you as somebody who can get him what he wants. You can't. You won't. End of story. Maybe you need to set a limit for phone calls. Some parents decide to only accept a phone call every week or every other week, or not at all. Letters.

If you choose to continue to accept calls, expect them to be either abusive, angry, pressuring, manipulative, etc. That's the reality of the situation he has put himself in.

I am sorry.