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Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Not to much to update on son, just need to vent.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 758148" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear Helpless</p><p></p><p>I am sorry you're going through this but pleased for you that you feel stronger. I would only say this: Your son is mentally still a child, and a wayward child at that. And now he's strategizing and maneuvering to achieve his aim, which is to be out. His sense of what's possible is completely out of synch with his actual situation. He feels empowered when he's actually quite vulnerable. There is NOTHING logical or rational about how he's going about anything.</p><p></p><p>Your best bet now is to leave him to stew in his juices. Nearly everything he's done lately has been motivated by his skewed thinking. The only thing that will (eventually) help him do better is maturity and consequences. The maturity may not come for a while. Years, in fact. But consequences can start to come now. I would try to recognize that he's put himself in a situation where all of the control now rest in the "system." Not in you or any family. </p><p></p><p>I think you are best served by NOT being in a situation where he can target you as somebody who can get him what he wants. You can't. You won't. End of story. Maybe you need to set a limit for phone calls. Some parents decide to only accept a phone call every week or every other week, or not at all. Letters. </p><p></p><p>If you choose to continue to accept calls, expect them to be either abusive, angry, pressuring, manipulative, etc. That's the reality of the situation he has put himself in.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 758148, member: 18958"] Dear Helpless I am sorry you're going through this but pleased for you that you feel stronger. I would only say this: Your son is mentally still a child, and a wayward child at that. And now he's strategizing and maneuvering to achieve his aim, which is to be out. His sense of what's possible is completely out of synch with his actual situation. He feels empowered when he's actually quite vulnerable. There is NOTHING logical or rational about how he's going about anything. Your best bet now is to leave him to stew in his juices. Nearly everything he's done lately has been motivated by his skewed thinking. The only thing that will (eventually) help him do better is maturity and consequences. The maturity may not come for a while. Years, in fact. But consequences can start to come now. I would try to recognize that he's put himself in a situation where all of the control now rest in the "system." Not in you or any family. I think you are best served by NOT being in a situation where he can target you as somebody who can get him what he wants. You can't. You won't. End of story. Maybe you need to set a limit for phone calls. Some parents decide to only accept a phone call every week or every other week, or not at all. Letters. If you choose to continue to accept calls, expect them to be either abusive, angry, pressuring, manipulative, etc. That's the reality of the situation he has put himself in. I am sorry. [/QUOTE]
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Substance Abuse
Not to much to update on son, just need to vent.
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