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Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Not to much to update on son, just need to vent.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 758209" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>What is he saying on the calls? What is his attitude? Is he continuing to harangue you to get him out? Does he continue to not take any responsibility for what happened? I would think it would be hard for any mother to detach completely from a child his age, in his circumstances. </p><p></p><p>I have a suggestion. First, what do you feel are your options? Do you feel that you can do what he is requesting? Have you clearly told him "no"? </p><p></p><p>To me, if you've already told him no. it's masochistic to keep enduring this battering from him. If you keep enduring this, it sounds like you feel guilty for something. And believe on some level that you deserve this mistreatment. I can see how somebody could say to themselves on some level<em>, all of the family was at the waterpark except son... </em></p><p></p><p>This is not your bad. There may have been things before, that happened, that you feel bad about. But this is now. That was then. Right now, he needs to accept "no." And you need to accept it too. Unless I am missing something I don't see how you have the ability to rescue him from this situation, given his choices. There is nothing I have seen written by you that indicates to me he would do anything different, should he come back to your house. </p><p></p><p>Every single call that you accept from him to me is hurtful. It is hurtful to you and it is hurtful to him. He needs to stew in the juices of what his actions and choices and attitudes have wrought. Every single call that you answer allows him to escape from taking responsibility. There is a reason for "no." He needs to face it.</p><p></p><p>I would try to set a limit on calls. For support only. Not for begging and battering. I think a couple of times a week is enough. But if he persists with this same behavior, I would rethink even that.</p><p></p><p>I know I sound hard. I don't mean to be. I am thinking of him and his welfare. He needs a limit.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 758209, member: 18958"] What is he saying on the calls? What is his attitude? Is he continuing to harangue you to get him out? Does he continue to not take any responsibility for what happened? I would think it would be hard for any mother to detach completely from a child his age, in his circumstances. I have a suggestion. First, what do you feel are your options? Do you feel that you can do what he is requesting? Have you clearly told him "no"? To me, if you've already told him no. it's masochistic to keep enduring this battering from him. If you keep enduring this, it sounds like you feel guilty for something. And believe on some level that you deserve this mistreatment. I can see how somebody could say to themselves on some level[I], all of the family was at the waterpark except son... [/I] This is not your bad. There may have been things before, that happened, that you feel bad about. But this is now. That was then. Right now, he needs to accept "no." And you need to accept it too. Unless I am missing something I don't see how you have the ability to rescue him from this situation, given his choices. There is nothing I have seen written by you that indicates to me he would do anything different, should he come back to your house. Every single call that you accept from him to me is hurtful. It is hurtful to you and it is hurtful to him. He needs to stew in the juices of what his actions and choices and attitudes have wrought. Every single call that you answer allows him to escape from taking responsibility. There is a reason for "no." He needs to face it. I would try to set a limit on calls. For support only. Not for begging and battering. I think a couple of times a week is enough. But if he persists with this same behavior, I would rethink even that. I know I sound hard. I don't mean to be. I am thinking of him and his welfare. He needs a limit. [/QUOTE]
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Substance Abuse
Not to much to update on son, just need to vent.
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