Nothing has changed

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Helpless29, Oct 11, 2019.

  1. Helpless29

    Helpless29 Member

    Those you have read my posts know my troubles with my 16 year old son. He did 4 months in Juvenile Detention came out in May & he went back to his old ways & was back in there in June. He spent 4 more months there & was just released last Friday & we are back on the same roller coaster, he lives with his dad & they were getting along ok & things seemed good but he took off a day later & showed back up the next day , now he left again & has been gone for 2 days, we seen FB messages, & looks like now he’s doing cocaine, gang banging & back to robbing people. We reported him missing & contacted PO , we are hoping they can put him back in before he hurts somebody or gets killed on the streets . I don’t know what to do, he just seems like this is the life he wants & one day the streets will take him. I’m so sad & wonder why all the time . He’s a ticking bomb with drugs & without his medication , he can really hurt someone. I don’t think his PO gets the severity of his mental state.
     
  2. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    That is sad.

    I’m glad that he has been reported and will (hopefully) be picked up before he can cause any further problems for himself or others.

    You have tried your best to help him, but he doesn’t want it at this point.

    Take care of yourself and your younger kids.
     
  3. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Helpless

    I'm so sorry and I know the worry that you feel because I have felt it also.

    My son was out of control at that age also and DID NOT CARE what happened to him. I could not wrap my brain around that. If they do not care what happens to them, then it is almost impossible for us to parent them in any way. At least it was for us.

    I wish there was a quick fix for you and your son but like us, there may not be.

    I wish I could predict the future and tell you that your son will outgrow and outlive this like our son did, but no one can predict the future.

    If you believe in your higher power I would pray hard and BIG for your son and also for yourself to have the strength to get through this. I saw a therapist also which helped me create firm but loving boundaries and helped me with detachment so I could save myself.

    That is all that I can recommend for you to do other than what you are already doing.
     
  4. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Dear Helpless

    I am so very sorry that you have this worry and sadness about your child. You have suffered so much in these months that we have known you.

    I wish I had something to say that could lessen your pain.

    Everybody here understands what you are going through. Powerlessness. Frustration. Anger. Love. Fear.

    Your task now is like ours. How to live with purpose and contentment with our kids out there. I am in the same, exact place, with a child almost twice as old as is your own.

    Let's pray that they stay safe. Meanwhile, I hope you can find a way to focus on your own well-being and that of your younger children. I am sorry.

    He will have to run the course of this. Clearly, nobody can stop him. I pray with you that he stays safe.
     
  5. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    I too have been there and my son can get violent. We worry both for them and for the people who they encounter. We pray they don't hurt anyone. We pray no one hurts them. Most of all we pray!
     
  6. JayPee

    JayPee Sending good vibes...

    My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry for all your pain and suffering.

    For myself, I fooled myself for a very long time thinking that I had the situation under control with my adult sons. When I finally realized that I never really did have control is when I was able to begin to step aside. I say begin, because for me I've stepped aside and then stepped right in front of God again. I'm a work in progress.

    I would really steep myself in prayer if I were you. What happens with prayer is that God not only is working on our children He is working on changing us too. Really, we are in need of change as much as our children. I know that's what I want for myself. I want to change my controlling and enabling, then the fear and the guilt and pain that goes with letting them learn life's lessons. So, so very hard.

    I was recently reminded that "fear" is not an emotion it is a "spirit". When I look at it that way I want all the more to be "rid" of it! It is no good and controls us, makes us doubt our decisions, takes away our joy. All our focus is on the survival or non-survival of our children. We in essence turn our lives over to them. We begin to devalue ourselves and I speak for myself, at times I would wish I really wasn't alive because I couldn't take worrying about if they were hungry, cold or in danger, any longer. That is definitely not a good thing and not how we should think.

    I will keep you and your son in my prayers.
     
  7. BusynMember

    BusynMember Active Member

    I learned that the opposite of love is not hate. It is fear. I want to love, not be afraid. Fear does block love.

    This is at least in the Christian religion. May be part of Judaism and Buddhism too plus to me it makes sense.
     
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  8. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    I'm really sorry about your son's latest shenanigans. It might help for the probation officer to have your son meet with a former gangster who is much older and rehabilitated to tell him this life isn't the life he wants.
     
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