Off his medications...

[witzend]

husband and I both got a text from M last night that said he had quit taking his bi-polar medications because they caused him "periods of pronounced mania" and he "was acting the fool". I texted back that he needed to find something that didn't give him such bad side effects, and that he can't just go on and off the drugs as it can be bad for his health...

Sigh....

 

[TeDo]

Sounds soooo much like my difficult child's biodad only his made him impotent?? LOL Really!?!

Hope difficult child comes to his senses before he gets into BIG trouble.

 

[Hound dog]

Actually many of them will make a person impotent. But that is when you weigh the benefit against the side effect.

Oh, boy! I certainly hope he tries for something else that works better. Going on and off them like that is dangerous, not to mention it makes you feel utterly horrid for several days at least.

Scarey! Not uncommon, but still.

Hugs

 

[TeDo]

Actually many of them will make a person impotent. But that is when you weigh the benefit against the side effect.

The reason I said Really?? is that he was taking his medications the whole time we were together and I have the proof (2 kids) that he had no issues in this dept. He left me high and dry and 5 months pregnant when/after he went off his medications. In this case, it was just an lie he thought I was dumb enough to believe to stop taking them. I know there are many that do have this issue. My ex just isn't one of them.

 

[KTMom91]

I'm sorry, Witz. Hope he goes in and gets something that will work for him. Hugs.

 

[Hound dog]

oooOOOOoohhhh. Sorry. A tad overtired and I think I read that wrong the first time around. lol

 

[DammitJanet]

I seriously dont think his bipolar medications would make him have mania unless he is on AD's. Acting the fool might just be his normal personality. medications arent miracle workers.

I really hate that people go off and on medications when they feel like they feel better or something because it truly makes it harder to treat them. If something isnt working well, go to the doctor and discuss it. That shouldnt be such a hard concept for a person over 21.

 

[Hound dog]

That shouldnt be such a hard concept for a person over 21.

No, it shouldn't be, Janet. But that is one of the reasons that bipolar and a few other mental illnesses are so hard to treat. As soon as a person feels better......or say has a side effect, or think they do.....they stop taking their medications which create a whole new mess of issues and make them more unstable than ever.

My mom won't seek treatment because the time or two I DID manage to talk her into it, she hated the way the medications made her feel.......or they didn't work fast enough. Now? phht She won't even consider it.

 

[witzend]

I think he was expecting the pills to be a miracle and life would be better. More of that grandiose "there's nothing really wrong with me" thinking. Then when he still was living on crazy grandma's sofa and he did something stupid that he figured we'd hear about he blamed the medications and blamed it on them. I don't even want to know. I would move across the country and never even tell him where we went if I could. I know that sounds awful but we invested decades in trying to get him help for NOTHING because he's never going to admit that there's anything about himself that he wants to change.

 

[CrazyinVA]

Ugh... that must leave you with a bit of dread as to what might happens next. I'd agree that it's unfortunately common with bipolar, though. I have a "Facebook friend" who went off his bipolar medications because of the side effects. He made a very public deal about it on FB . He also doesn't seem to think they help (I also suspect he's Borderline (BPD)). Then just the other day he posted about how he doesn't understand why he's so up one day, and so down the next. Duh.

 

[FlowerGarden]

My difficult child won't take medications for bipolar anymore...sigh. He says they make him feel funny. When he was hospitalized years ago, a doctor asked us if we ever took a medication for a cold and it made us sleepy or had taken any medication that gave us a side effect. Both husband and I said yes. The doctor proceeded to tell us that the way a person with bipolar feels is normal to them and when they take medications it generally makes them feel weird, even though they seem so much better to us.

 

[DammitJanet]

flowergarden..I so disagree with that doctors explanation. I am bipolar and I lived without a diagnosis or medication for decades. I knew that there was something wrong with me but I didnt know what it was. I knew I didnt feel right and that I just felt wrong so to speak. I finally found out what was wrong with me when I was trying to get help for my son and I read The Bipolar Child.

When I am on my medications...the right ones...I feel fine. I dont feel medicated or loopy or drugged. Yes it took me some time to find what worked for me but I went through the trials. I know that I can never not be on medication for bipolar. This is a terminal illness.

 

[lovemysons]

Witz,
I don't know what bipolar medication your son was taking but I take Abilify 10mgs and it works beautifully for me...no more anxiety mania one minute depression the next.

I hope your son will reconsider and see his Dr again soon.
Hugs,
LMS

 

[witzend]

LMS, I hope that he will too. The thing is, I don't think he wants to get "better" because then he would have to admit there is something not perfect about him and as unhappy as he is he just can't admit any imperfection in himself. Even when he knows it's wrong he feels the virtue of his own being justifies his behavior. He terrifies me. And so long as someone keeps feeding him and giving him a warm place to sleep he will continue to feel that.

Honestly, his apparent lack of empathy and belief in his own perfection leave me wondering how safe anyone in the world would be if people stopped feeding him and giving him a place to sleep. I assume he will just take what he wants, and what will he want? And what will he do to get it?

I had the worst nightmare about him last night. You know how nightmares jump around from time and place and don't make sense. It ended with husband and I in a parking garage that seemed to be a police station or something and M was a small child and he had been murdered and torn to bits by a teacher, and I was awoken by my wailing in the dream because a teacher had done this to him. Now, mind you, we saw Harry Potter last night so that may have played into the theme, but my god these things never leave you as a parent, regardless of how far away from them you are.

 

[Hound dog]

The thing is, I don't think he wants to get "better" because then he would have to admit there is something not perfect about him and as unhappy as he is he just can't admit any imperfection in himself. Even when he knows it's wrong he feels the virtue of his own being justifies his behavior.

This is why, I believe, my Mom won't stick to treatment. Even though she knows her sister did and also did quite well when she stuck to her treatment.

Wow. Your nitemare reminded me of one I had about Travis.......I won't give details, but it was bad enough I still remember it vividly some oh 8-9 yrs later.

(((hugs)))

 

[Fran]

I'm sorry. It's disappointing Witz.
I can't say I have heard of impotence as a side effect. Sheesh. What a horrid side effect.

 

[lovemysons]

Witz,
I hear the fear and dread in your "voice" and can certainly relate.
My young difficult child was dxd at 13/14 with Bipolar Disorder. He did briefly take medications as a teen and did not like the way they made him feel...plus weight gain.

I have tried many times over the past few yrs to get him to have a dr prescribe my Abilify to him. A few months ago he was at a psychiatric ward and they DID prescribe the Abilify to him. He did not get the prescription filled...said it would have adverse affects on his heart.

The past several weeks we tried to get him to admit himself into a Rehab/Sub Abuse program. He told us that he went "for a couple of days"...but he had no "proof" of that with him and husband and I do not believe him.

Now, he is locked up. I do have to wonder if a Mood Stabilizer could have helped to prevent all of this.

I am sorry you are going through worry and having fearful thoughts.
Hugs,
LMS

 

[witzend]

LMS, I'm sorry to hear about your difficult child. It's so hard to reconcile our feelings of what we hoped for our kids with what they have become. I hate to say how depressing it is to me because it seems so selfish. But this is not the man my child could have been. It's not the man he could be. It's heart wrenching.

 

[lovemysons]

I so understand the heartbreak Witz.

Mine was going to be lets see...A Meteorolgist (loves the weather, would watch the weather channel over cartoons as a child and teen), A baseball player (not a team player though), A master Lego Builder (he and I spent many Saturday mornings with the Legos all scattered out on the living room floor going over directions and making "masterpieces").
Or even, lol, a Mad Scientist...He loves the Discovery Channel and magazines about outer space and how things work etc.
When he was very very little he told me he was going to grow up someday and build me a "green house" with pretty flowers all around it, makes me smile...But then, I am left with what is now.

He is an abusive felon. This is not what I what I dreamt for my young difficult child who is so very sensitive in his nature and particularly craves mamma love.

I digress...
Anyway, I understand.
LMS

 

[Star*]

Witz,

I think you need a huge hug first of all. I read about your dream and that was about one of the worst dreams/nightmares I think anyone has ever posted here about their child. I have no clue what it's deeper meaning is, but I can tell you that HP movies ALWAYS give me nightmares for days after I watch them. Even re-runs on TV. Little comfort I know. I'm so sorry this has affected you, but I understand the heartbreak of watching your child fall apart, year after year thinking they're pulling it together, hoping, dreaming, almost there - taking just a small breath and then they make an announcement like this and it IS a nightmare. You start questioning what it ALL was for. The years of work, all the help, all the time. I too have thought this, then I think - without ALL that we had done - exactly where would they HAVE been? And I must answer - WAY worse off than they are, in prison or perhaps dead. I know what dead child feels like, I used to think it would be better - it is not. Even bad day, worst day is better than that. So despite having setbacks? He's doing better than he would have without no help.
With regards to BiPolarism? I know so many people that are. With medication or rather with the RIGHT medication I would hardly EVER, ever know. When I'm told? It's always a shock. Without? It's never a question, but I think the dog nose to tail of the disorder is as others have said - When I feel good? I think why take this? Then I don't and I'm bad again and hardly know I need it. It has got to be hell. I think Janets statement of finding the right medications and balancing it out knowing you have it, need medications and staying on it - is the key. So M just needs to find the key.

I don't think your depression is selfish either. Death of dreams is harder sometimes than death period, but having to constantly readjust our perceptions is hardest of all. We think our kids have it in reach and then it's not - they do, they don't they do, they don't. It's a constant struggle watching them ALMOST reach a goal. IT never gets easier for them or us. WE will always love them -no matter what, no matter how much we detach. Love does not detach. Enabling detaches.

Just know you're in my thoughts.
Hugs & Love
Star