Oh, the irony of it all (Jaden)

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
So Amy took Jaden for a complete neuropsychological evaluation at a top medical school. If Kay knew she would yank him back, but she won't know. Jaden can't talk and did not understand he was being tested. Amy said he had fun!

Amy has an appointment with the neuropsychologist next week after he studies all the testing, but off to the side he told her he strongly suspects autistic spectrum disorder.

This is the disorder anti vaxers fear so much. So they don't vaccinate. Jaden has never had a vaccine. But he has autism. I am sure of it.

Ask me how disgusted I am with Kay. It's hard to explain. I want to call her and tell her off but she can't know about this and telling Kay off is a bad idea always. I learned that less is more.

Amy plans on paying for full services at home for Jaden. Until /unless her guardianship is more permanent we don't want to do anything too drastic...yet.

I trust Amy. Apparently Jaden is difficult but very happy with her and his cousins and their cats. His cousins are a few years older and love him very much.

Color me red as in angry though. This anti vax garbage is so irrational and dangerous.

I give this to God. Pointless to stay angry. Best to move on. Kay is sick and maybe can't help how she thinks.
 

Crayola13

Well-Known Member
Kay probably couldn't be convinced he has autism. I'm thankful that Jaden is with Amy.

I've been suspicious of the MMR vaccine because of all the parents who say their kids changed about a month after getting it.
 

New Leaf

Well-Known Member
How blessed Jaden is to have such a loving Aunty and Grandmother to look after his needs. I have seen children on the spectrum with proper care blossom and grow into amazing people. I hope that things progress with guardianship so that Jaden is able to remain in Amy’s stable home, with his cousins. I agree that it is pointless to stay angry. Hope you can rest well knowing Jaden is where he needs to be.
(((Hugs)))
Leafy
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Congratulations on this progress!

I agree, nothing good will come out of arguing with her.

Maybe you could journal or write her a letter and never mail it...
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
Thank you, RN. Sounds like a great idea. I will never confront her. Crayola is right about how Kay will deny the autism. She called him a "late bloomer." When anyone suggested she take him for an evaluation she said "I don't trust these head doctors. They don't have a clue. All they do is make things up and give drugs to kids."

Talking directly to irrational people goes nowhere and in my opinion is a waste of time.

Thank you all for helping me process this. Blessings to all.
 

ahhjeez

Active Member
As a parent of a son on the spectrum I am so, so glad that Jaden is with Amy and will receive the proper supports that he needs to grow and flourish. I agree that Kay would most likely deny the autism diagnosis because it goes against her ingrained belief system and she is going to seek out information that confirms her bias. Autism symptoms tend to present right around the time kids get their MMR because that is a time of developmental mileststones in children. Autism is a developmental disorder. There is zero scientific evidence that vaccines cause autism.
 

Blindsided

Face the Sun
Thank you, RN. Sounds like a great idea. I will never confront her. Crayola is right about how Kay will deny the autism. She called him a "late bloomer." When anyone suggested she take him for an evaluation she said "I don't trust these head doctors. They don't have a clue. All they do is make things up and give drugs to kids."

Talking directly to irrational people goes nowhere and in my opinion is a waste of time.

Thank you all for helping me process this. Blessings to all.
Such a blessing that Jaden is where he is. Amy is sure following through. God bless you all!
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
I want to again thank everyone for making me feel less awful for helping Amy find a way to take Kay's son from him (and in such a way that Kay believes it was her decision,). I am not like this...deceitful. Amy isn't either. We both feel badly that it came to this. And I feel a little guilty. I don't think Amy feels guilty. She adores her cute little dimpled nephew and has scorn for how Kay has treated him.

In no way is this a done deal. We have to hope that the legal world is good to us as we step into it and with Lee and Kay driving out to California to be homeless in their camper, I'm not even sure HOW we will make it legal. Where to file. Right now Kay can decide to come back and swipe Jaden legally.

We are hoping that Kay starts to really like California, which is farrrr away, and also realize that she was very inconvenienced taking even minimal care of Jaden. She, at heart, is not a motherly person.

Amy works full time, grueling, hours, but our relative who will be sitting for Jaden is a retired teacher, not that familiar with autism, but she will listen to the professionals who will come to work with Jaden. So she will try to follow what they tell her to do. Dear Auntie. Never married, no kids, but her nieces and nephews adore her, as did her students. We are fortunate to have a large, loving family with many talented and kind relatives and we try to help one another.

Today I am counting my blessings and giving the entire situation to God. I look forward to Sunday. Church and then we are all going to Amy's for dinner so I get to see ALL the grands.

For now, things are good. Of course, Kay could ruin that at any time. We are working in the background to see if we can stop that threat.

Honestly, Jaden is a mess. He is four and can't say much. He has meltdowns. He sleeps poorly. Eats with his hands! He is more like a two year old. Lots will need to be done to help him. But he is sweet and cuddly too. Kay was never sweet or cuddly. His little heart is in the right place! He says "Gug oo" all the time. That means love you! And his smile lights a room. He is beautiful, like Kay.

Blessings to everyone!
 
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Nandina

Member
My goodness, I can identify so much with what Amy is going through right now! Fifteen years ago, I took legal guardianship of my nephew, then nearly four years old. He had the speech and social skills of about a two year old. He had meltdowns, he was a mess! A couple of differences were he had already been removed from the mother due to her drug usage while pregnant with a subsequent child. His birth father, my half-brother, was in prison.

My son was being raised by his grandparents, who are my father and step-mother and at that time, they had legal custody. My father was in his mid-80s, step-mother late 60s, but both in poor health and it was agreed by all that I would take him. We moved him from the midwest to the southeast where I lived and still do with my husband, and at the time had two teenaged children in the home.

The good news is the meltdowns eventually stopped, pretty much typically as they do for many children. He was a sweet, loving child but he needed so very much intervention and I was diligent just as Amy is about seeing that he got proper treatment.

It was tough in the beginning—his social skills were extremely lacking. He had never been around other children and had no idea how to behave. He was like a little animal! If he wanted a toy or something another child had, he would just snatch it from them. I was working at the time and got called several times a week to come and get him. He nearly got kicked out of a home-based Christian daycare until the woman who ran it, I believe, prayed about it and decided to give him another chance. But it was still rocky. He was very hard to manage (has since been diagnosed with ADHD).

Then came kindergarten. Again, I got constant reports on his unusual behaviors. I did not realize he was on the autism spectrum at that time, though I suspected it. He would “bump up” against other children in line or squeeze in between two children who were sitting next to each other. He would put inappropriate things in his mouth. Well, let’s just say the teachers in this public school had ZERO experience with a child like mine. They talked to me about him as if he were an alien!

I later learned that he had sensory processing disorder, common in children on the spectrum. His particular “disorder” was sensory-seeking, where he sought various stimuli, such as bumping, touching, tasting etc., as opposed to some children who are sensory averse and don’t like certain clothes touching them, textures in foods, bright lights and such.

I was told he wouldn’t stay in his seat, he wouldn’t stand still for the Pledge of Allegiance or morning announcements, he didn’t like to transition, share his toys, play nicely with others...blah, blah, blah! I spent a lot of time crying, searching for answers, and eventually got him into another school for children with non-violent behavioral issues out of his school zone, and the best thing I ever did for him.

Through the years he has had every kind of therapy possible, starting with occupational (Occupational Therapist (OT)) and speech therapy, where after just a couple of weeks of Occupational Therapist (OT), he could walk down steps one foot after another, where before, at age 7, he had been taking steps one step at a time. He became better coordinated, learned his abc’s, slightly later than the school expected but he learned to read pretty much on schedule. By fourth grade he was reading Harry Potter, writing his own stories and drawing beautiful artwork.

He still had some issues with behavior, but with the loving guidance of the teachers and therapists in his special school, he made great progress in school behavior and social skills. By 8th grade, his teacher said he had what it takes to be an author, his writing was so creative. In high school he was in regular ed classes with occasional management with a wonderful Special Education teacher. His art teacher said he had “it,” and that he could be real successful if he would just apply what he was teaching. (My son had a mind of his own and wanted to draw whatever he wanted, not the class assignment.)

Things are far from perfect today though they are somewhat stable. We’ve had many ups and downs with behavior in the home. After graduation, my son chose not to pursue art or writing. He had difficulty with learning in school and decided against any further education but has a steady part-time, though minimum wage job. I have accepted this and no longer try to impose my desires of a further education on him as he currently just cannot see it. When he turned 18, things changed and he felt like he was an adult and could do whatever he wanted. Unfortunately, he is incredibly naive, even more than a typical 18 year old and he learned some life lessons the hard way, often the only way he learns.

I wouldn’t be on this site if I didn’t have issues with my difficult child. I had to use some tough love, which absolutely broke my heart, but two weeks after his 18th birthday, he left home and I disengaged from him for a period of a few months during which he became homeless. Eventually he resumed contact, but no longer lives in the home and probably will not be allowed to due to lifestyle choices I disagree with and a tendency to disregard rules.

He is still sweet and loving and for the most part our relationship is good, but I have to overlook a great deal, yet at the same time provide a lot of guidance, if that makes sense. He participates in a transitional housing program and is no longer homeless. Fortunately, my community has very good support systems in place for the homeless if they seek help. I am grateful for that.

Busy, I truly hope that Amy will be granted permanent custody of this lovely child who I know will thrive under her watchful eye and loving heart. And I’m sure she is wise enough to know that it won’t be easy but so worth it when you look back and see the progress that just putting these children in the right environment makes.

I know where my son would be today if he had stayed with his drug abusing birth mother, who went on to have two more children who have been removed from the home as well. And though there are some issues I wish would change, I do take into account that he is a very young 18 (almost 19) and the fact that he still loves me and looks to me for guidance is encouraging. And right now, that is what we have, and I will hold onto that.

Many blessing to you and your loving family.
 
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