Out of control 11 year old, I'm now at breaking point and need help

[LisaH2017]

Hi this is my first time on here after spending years searching the internet for a reason why my 11 year old daughter is so horrible and nasty where I came across this forum.
Her behaviour has been out of control really from the age of 2 she started off swearing then hitting and scratching her older sister who she hates for some reason!
She's never been happy in school or able to keep friends, she holds grudges, she wishes she was dead there's even been times where she's gone to the window and threatened to throw herself out! She wishes us all dead on a regular basis, she's nasty to her brother who is only 2, she's seeing a councillor with a place called younger minds but they are no help what so ever I believe she's got something wrong with her mentally but no one is taking me seriously.
Tonight she came downstairs at 11pm and asked for a biscuit obviously I said no as she should be asleep now but she doesn't accept the word no very well and refused to go to bed so I took her upstairs where she screamed the place down spat on me called me every name under the sun and I'm sat trying to get my scared 2 year old back to sleep thinking for the sake of my 2year old and 15 year old she can't be here anymore I just can't cope, she's going to mess the other 2 up and I'm just at my whits end I really am

 

[Wiped Out]

Welcome Lisa,

I'm sorry things are so rough right now. I'm sorry things are so rough right now! I remember well the days my son would spit on me and it was no horrible. I'm surprised that they haven't suggested evaluation by a psychiatrist and neuro-psychologist. It does sound like sh needs more help. Stick around and others will be around soon to offer more support. Sending hugs your way.

 

[crazygram]

I'm always surprised when I hear anger is a form of depression, just have trouble wrapping my mind around it.

 

[Littleboylost]

I feel your pain. Try to get support and therapy for you and your other children. If she is a hrm to herself and others, can she be place in hospital for assessment and care?
Stay strong and get some help.

 

[pigless in VA]

Welcome, Lisa. We all google something in desperation which leads us here. Are you in the UK or Canada? In the U.S. we would suggest that you find a developmental pediatrician. I found one at a Children's Hospital. They do a thorough evaluation.

 

[Unhappymom]

Hi Lisa,
My son was exactly like your.daughter. His behavior began in nursery school and followed him through high school. I tried to get help for him, we saw counselors,.psychologists, psychiatrists, he was non compliant with medication, resisitant to therapy..there was name calling, anti social behavior, violence and he was threatening to kill is. He was a danger to our younger son. School counselors had him evaluated and he was placed in Spec. Ed where he continued his behavior..we called child protective services for help...they did nothing as my son wasnt in danger.....just us. Finally while going after his younger brother with a hard weapon, I tried to protect the younger son and ended up with a broken ankle. I finally pressed charges on my son. He was only 15 at the time and life had been pure hell up till this point. Defiant behavior, lying and stealing as well. I suspected there was drug use but other than his behavior, none was ever found. Drug screens were negative..They would make an appointment to do a drug screen a week in advance....what good is that, other than thc, most benzos and opiates are out of your system in 3 to 5 days. So he just didnt use! Idiots....When we got in front of a judge and i told my story standing there in a cast....he ordered DYFS (child services) to remove him from the home and get him properly evaluated. We finally felt safe in our home....my story doesnt end here (it never got better, as an adult hes just sucked the happiness right out of me) but i will stop at this point as i wanted to focus on the various challenges and what didnt work for us. We set limits, made him responsible for things he broke in our home. Wed take away his bike or another item he enjoyed until he'd pay for something hed damaged..well that didnt work, he just damaged more.....an "I'll show you whose boss" attitude. Tough tough tough. Good for you realizing your child has a problem thats the first step..there are parents out there that always think its the others fault and they were provoked. Next...shes already in counseling. Not everyone finds a counselor that works for them the first time..please request your daughter try another....not all personalities click. Your child needs to feel comfortable and trusting...she needs to feel its safe to discuss her feelings. Not that its you and them against her. If she has a barrior with this counselor, try another....and another...until you find the right one..perhaps a different therapy practice..have you had her medically tested/blood draw to make sure she is not lacking a certain element? I feel for you. Finally, you must protect your younger children. If you feel they are in danger then an inpatient psychiatric hospitalization is in order especially with her history of threats. Get her school counselors, your family doctor, her current counselor involved....in the meantime enlist the help of any family or friends nearby to watch your daughter while u have alone time with your other children who may need some mommie time about now. Good luck to you.