can i help him with prescriptions.
I think our kids do need us. We are their parents. In most cases we represent security, love, protection, care, the right thing to do.
I think what happens for us here, is our kids overlay this normal parental relationship with all of their wants and needs. And one thing that needs to happen is that they need to learn how to walk this back, to grow into people who want to take responsibility for themselves. To see that they can. And to want to.
But I think we need to learn to shut off the automatic giving function, to block it, so to speak. Which is what you are doing. Good for you.
So. What is son doing here? is he reaching out from his true need for a mother's love and help? Or is he reaching out because he acts from a space of wanting you to (inappropriately) fulfill his needs?
If he needs help with prescriptions, as Busy says, and he is indigent, has he gone through the channels to get his needs met in appropriate ways? Like Medicaid? Or is he putting it on you, inappropriately, because he is living from the sense, that you can and should bear all burdens?
Sometimes in walking this back, walking back what our lives have become with our kids, we have to say no, much more than we would want. Because our kids have come to live with too much yes.
I find it painful that you would have to say no to prescriptions. But is it really prescriptions or does he want money? And is he shirking responsibility by not choosing to do things the right way? If this is the case you would not be helping either him or yourself, to reinforce irresponsible behavior on his part.
I think there is too much unknown about the situation, to know what to do. And finding out would open you up to back and forth that could be difficult. I think the burden of proof is on son to establish himself as safe. He needs to walk towards you, not the reverse.
But that said, you are his mother. And I recognize how deeply difficult is this position. To feel you have to do 20 questions in order to help your child. So. My response is this:
I don't know what you should do. I am sorry. I feel how difficult this is.
I think busy's idea about paying directly for prescriptions or medical care has merit. But has he put into place what he should have, the necessary procedures, benefits, that would pay this expense? Maybe it would be a good idea to put him in touch with services that would help him do for himself.