Let's have a discussion.
I know that the suggestion that our children have behavioral issues because of our parenting skills makes us all crazy. Virtually all of us have been accused of being the cause of our children's behavioral problems because of our lack of parenting skills. My son insisted we fire his psychiatrist when he learned she believed all his problems were my fault. As it turned out, his most severe problems were her treatment and the rest seem to be genetic. Only when he was most psychotic did he even suggest that his problems were my fault.
But that's what the psychological field has taught for decades, though less so lately. When I first started studying psychology, autism was caused by cold mothers, homosexuality was caused by controlling mothers and schizophrenia was learned behavior usually taught to the child by the mother. Do we see a pattern here?
That said, I believe that we need to get past the idea that our choice of parenting options or lack of some parenting techniques is never a factor in our children's behavior. There are techniques that work with all children, even ours, as well as techniques that work with children with specific disabilites. What is The Explosive Child if not a book about parenting? Don't we all appreciate Marg's tips on parenting techniques? Haven't some of us benefited from switching from authoritarian to authoritative style of parenting? Or from permissive to one of the more controlled styles?
I think we need to stop our knee jerk reaction to any suggestion that we might be able to change or fine tune our parenting skills. After all, being the parents of disabled children doesn't make us parenting authorities and assure us we have expert skills. Suggesting that someone could change her parenting techniques should never be taken as a statement that someone's parenting style caused a disability. While I've run into a few professionals who think that way, I don't think anyone here thinks that.
I know that the suggestion that our children have behavioral issues because of our parenting skills makes us all crazy. Virtually all of us have been accused of being the cause of our children's behavioral problems because of our lack of parenting skills. My son insisted we fire his psychiatrist when he learned she believed all his problems were my fault. As it turned out, his most severe problems were her treatment and the rest seem to be genetic. Only when he was most psychotic did he even suggest that his problems were my fault.
But that's what the psychological field has taught for decades, though less so lately. When I first started studying psychology, autism was caused by cold mothers, homosexuality was caused by controlling mothers and schizophrenia was learned behavior usually taught to the child by the mother. Do we see a pattern here?
That said, I believe that we need to get past the idea that our choice of parenting options or lack of some parenting techniques is never a factor in our children's behavior. There are techniques that work with all children, even ours, as well as techniques that work with children with specific disabilites. What is The Explosive Child if not a book about parenting? Don't we all appreciate Marg's tips on parenting techniques? Haven't some of us benefited from switching from authoritarian to authoritative style of parenting? Or from permissive to one of the more controlled styles?
I think we need to stop our knee jerk reaction to any suggestion that we might be able to change or fine tune our parenting skills. After all, being the parents of disabled children doesn't make us parenting authorities and assure us we have expert skills. Suggesting that someone could change her parenting techniques should never be taken as a statement that someone's parenting style caused a disability. While I've run into a few professionals who think that way, I don't think anyone here thinks that.