Next month is my son's death date, it is hard time normally but with my daughters added grief it has been double hard. My husband is sick of the entire thing, he thinks if we don't talk about it and if he keeps real busy and ignores it, it will magically go away. He was raised with a bipolar mother that use to say 'the more the stir it the stinkier it will get'. A problem as big and mighty as what we have going on right now needs to be stirred until all the stink is out of it. My husband and I have been stressed with each other. He keeps saying 'Well I had the talk with her' in his mind it has been handled and it is over with. With a troubled person like my daughter, there is no end, this is an ever flowing river of B.S. that is not over just because you have had one talk. I do understand that he is under a lot of pressure at work and I hate that this latest crisis is going on but I feel it will take us to team up to knock this monster back. After he talks to our daughter he is under the impression that things will move forward, in his mind that is what is suppose to happen. The truth and reality is the less we have to do with her the better. Being lied to on a regular basis is painful and unacceptable. Being lied to and ripped off is horrific and I am fuming mad not just at her but myself for falling in this s*** hole again. I am working towards the tension in my home with my husband..We argue and then come to peace. I feel so ripped off, family is suppose to stand tall with each other, support each other and help each other. This B.S. that I am living is so awful and so against each and every fiber of my being. I do not want to spend the rest of my life feeling such disgust over my own daughter, that is why I know and understand in the depth of my heart that detaching with love is the only thing there is, and I understand that it is a deep process and I have to rethink my natural nature to nurture and help out. I know that I tend to 'baby' my family doing many things for them, I do it because I love them and use to feel I was contributing to their well being but that is really B.S. My daughters awful unacceptable behavior is forcing me to be someone that is so against my nature that it will take a new set of learning but I do believe I can do this, just have to study it a bit more and put it into full practice. When my son was alive, he would list off things that I did for him and thank me for it before he went to sleep, even thanking me for cooking a good meal and he loved when I hung his bed sheets in the sun, that was a special treat for him since he loved how sun dried sheets smelled. My son had a heart full of gratitude, even thanking his dad for working hard to provide for him. One of the last things my son said to his dad before he died was thanking him for making the best pancakes on Saturday morning. During therapy my daughter was asked if she thought I favored her brother. She said no, she always felt she was the favorite one, my son always told me he thought he was the favorite one. My daughter will say that even as an adult. I loved both equally but differently. Because I am a bereaved mother I have a constant ache in my heart. I miss my son terribly. My daughter knows this and yet she continues to harm our family. She knows and has seen how devastated her dad and I are yet is so selfish that she causes us continued grief. I think that is on the level of psychopath. In my studies I found an article entitled 'almost psychopath', it is very interesting to read because I know for sure my daughter was not born a psychopath, she was actually a very kind, loving, sweet child. I saw bits and pieces of ugly around 4th grade and then she developed full blown adult bipolar around age 19. I think that not having her borderline/bipolar treated it has turned into psychopathy. She will not take medications. She does try to eat right and exercise. I do know that no matter what I study, what I say, what I do at this point it does not matter, I just have to type this stuff out of my system so I can think clearly on what the next thing I need to do is and I know it is detaching with love, in reality it is the only thing that will help my sanity, no way would I allow another person treating me as ugly as my daughter in my life in a full time way. Actually I would avoid a person like her, walk 100 miles the other way to avoid being treated so badly. I have noticed that since I am actively giving it up to God and putting into action my plan to detach, I am feeling bits and pieces of peace at night. I lay in bed at night and say 'Here God you take the reins, I am hurt, worn out, sad beyond measure, broken in a million pieces, I admit this to God and all of you now it is time to worm myself back up and have a peaceful, tranquil life that is full of fun, excitement, laughter, surrounded by kind loving people. This goodness and peace is what will be coming into my future and I will make damn sure it happens. I will not have room or time to listen to lies and other draining BS and from now on it will be pleasant. I think my troubled 35 year old daughter will sense and see this change in me and have no other choice than to grow, and if she decides to stay stagnant then that is where she will be and I will be where I will be and I choose peace.