Place twin boys, age 7 (voluntarily) in foster care?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Cratha, Nov 14, 2017 at 8:25 AM.

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  1. Cratha

    Cratha New Member

    Or in Safe Families for Children? (church run volunteer group finds host family)

    Background. After 10 years of not working, I finally divorced my emotionally abusive, mentally ill ex-husband last April. Our twin boys were age 7. Then, in August, my ex hung himself.

    I am now 100% with the children, always the only financial provider, depleted from the ex-husbands treatment, I am worn out. When the twins are separated, they function okay, behaving like challenging, spirited children. But when together and especially with me, the defiance and acting out is severe. One boys has ADHD and I am now trying to get him on medication. I make too much money to get mass health but will still try to get it. I am way behind in my job although boss is sympathetic for now, because I have downplayed the severity of the home atmosphere and promise I'll catch up with work over thanksgiving and xmas breaks.

    The boys have been very difficult at home these last two weeks as my father was visiting to help me with the current crisis of the twins’ rebellion and defiance at home. My father began cracking down with ‘there must be consequences!’ and the twins escalated their continuous bad behavior. When together, they use the F word, the middle finger, lock me out of the house, ignore adults, refuse to do what asked if it goes against their desires. Every moment is a battle. They have no TV or screen privileges, toys have been boxed away in the basement, but as long as they are together the game of getting to do what they want is more reward than anything we adults can take away.

    Every minute is a battle and I am exhausted after years of this. My parents and sibs live on the west coast, can't help other than short visits. They are now insisting I save myself and regroup by placing children in voluntarily foster care with the state or an organization like safe families for children.

    The fighting and acting out is so severe that it is hard even picking them up from after school in a car because they throw things and refuse to wear seatbelts in the car unless I tell the 10 times. If I say get out, you'll walk home they don't care, if it just an opportunity to defy me more and move the battle to the sidewalk.
     
  2. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    Hello and welcome,

    I am so sorry you have to be here. Your plate is certainly full! You have come to the right place, we all get it and can understand in the way only a "fellow traveler" really can.

    You will definitely want to remove the photo of yourself and your twins from your profile to protect your anonymity, and that of your sons. You can PM a moderator for help with this. You just never know who is lurking around on the Internet and it is safest to conceal your identity as much as possible.

    Has either child been seen by a psychologist, or psychiatrist? How are they in school? Does either child display learning, attention or behavior challenges there?

    It does sound like home life with the two boys is overwhelming and cannot continue as it is. If there has been no therapy as of yet, I might suggest starting there.

    You mention family members living out of state, is relocating to their area even a possibility? Just thinking that it may help you to have family close by so that when needed, the boys can be separated.

    If relocating is not an option, are your family members in a position to take in one of the two boys?
     
  3. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    I think they may have PTSD after what happened with their father.