Question regarding homeless son

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by JayPee, Sep 12, 2019.

  1. JayPee

    JayPee Sending good vibes...

    My 26 yr. old homeless son that I literally stopped enabling about 6 months ago only because his father took over just contacted me. He's been homeless off and on for about three years.

    He said he went down to the State health and human services where he obtained a $15 gas card and some food assistance. He's telling me that they also told him that they have the right to pull my finances as well as his father's finances and income to see if we are financially capable of helping him rather than the State.

    I am off the charts about this. Can this be true? I finally stop giving him money and now the government can say that I still have to while he does nothing to get a job or take care of himself?

    I just tried calling their offices but they closed for the day. I will call again tomorrow.

    Anyone else ever heard of this?
     
  2. tryingtobreathe

    tryingtobreathe New Member

    I have rarely posted, but I read the forums often. As a disclaimer - I can only speak in regards to Wisconsin benefits. I have 13 years of experience (Wisconsin) assisting individuals/families with receiving food share and medical assistance (Badger Care in the state of Wisconsin). In your example, 26 year old who lives outside of the home, we would NOT look at your income for his Food Share or Badger Care. We would only look at your income for Food Share if you were living together and sharing food. We would only look at your income for Badger Care (Medicaid) if you were living together and you were claiming him on your taxes). I am not sure if he was given the wrong information (sorry to say that with turnover, etc, this does happen) OR if he is giving you a line....OR a combination of the two. I would recommend that you call in to the office again tomorrow just to make sure that you are hearing the correct information for your state.
    It is so hard to know, with our adult children, what is the truth or their version of the truth

    God bless
     
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  3. Beta

    Beta Active Member

    That doesn't sound true, JayPee. He's an adult so you are not legally responsible for him so I can't imagine anything like this could be true. It's beyond absurd to me.
     
  4. JayPee

    JayPee Sending good vibes...

    Thank you for that information. He has not lived with me in 3 years and I also refused to allow him to use my mailing address for any reason. I remembered when we were trying to have him removed from our home years ago, at one point the police said if any mail of his came to our home that was his than it was his residence. So since then I’ve been very careful about that.

    I will call them in the morning when the office opens up.
     
  5. BusynMember

    BusynMember Active Member

    I know this is false in our state unless you are the guardian. You would know if you were the guardian. You have to go to court to become one over an adult.

    Sounds like your son is trying to bully you into paying again.
     
  6. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    It sounds highly unlikely to me. Is your son incapable of supporting himself and attempting to collect on some sort of disability? And is he your dependent and residing with you? If no to either or both, I cannot imagine the state would find you financially responsible for your adult offspring.
     
  7. JayPee

    JayPee Sending good vibes...

    He only recently reopened his SSDI case and will meet with them in October. He has PTSD and ADHD and hasn’t worked in a while. He can never hold down a job due to one reason or another largely due to social anxiety issues.

    He is not my dependent and does not reside with me.

    This just seems so ridiculous. I’ll be anxious to speak with them tomorrow.
     
  8. tryingtobreathe

    tryingtobreathe New Member

    One of the saddest things that I have found, as a parent of an adult child with untreated substance abuse and untreated mental health issues, is that I never know whether or not he is lying to me. It is possible that he was given the wrong information. But, the constant lying and manipulation always puts that thought in my head that he is lying to me. I should be able to believe what my son says...at face value, but I can't. That always saddens me.
     
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  9. BusynMember

    BusynMember Active Member

    My daughter lies so much, often about the trivial. We don't wonder. Sadly we know. If her lips move, its a lie.
     
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  10. JayPee

    JayPee Sending good vibes...

    I’m trying to remember that he’s feeling desperate. No gas etc. He may have misunderstood but you’re right he could just want to set me off because I didn’t say yes to $.
     
  11. BusynMember

    BusynMember Active Member

    If he got a job he would not be desperate. He could make pizza or be a restaurant host. As it is he doesn't need gas. Where will he go? Partying?

    Think about it. I nevet met anyone unemployed who blew through gas like your kids. It doesn't make sense.

    Don't feel too badly. They are not inintelligent. They know how to scare us. It is tiring.

    Be well.
     
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  12. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    JP. There is no earthly way this could be true. Either he misunderstood (greatly) or he was trying to coerce you.
     
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  13. JayPee

    JayPee Sending good vibes...

    I just contacted the Dept. of Health and Human Services in our State to ask my question I posed yesterday. The representative said, she's not sure why someone would have told him that but unless he is under the age of 22 and/or living with me they would not request my finances/income or my ex-husband's to determine if we could assist him instead of the State. At 26 yrs. old, she said he's an adult.

    Crazy how these adult kids send us into a tailspin. Manipulation, threats, entitlement etc.

    Exhausting.
     
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  14. Deni D

    Deni D Member

    Just wondering, what address is on his drivers license? If it's yours or your ex's maybe that caused the confusion.
     
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  15. BusynMember

    BusynMember Active Member

    It doesn't matter where they live, even if they live with us. We are never legally responsible for adult children. That is even if they are disabled and need total care. Many kids in foster care are disabled. The state takes care of them.

    I personally don't think there was confusion.

    It is insane to think that parents of kids age 26, 36, or 56 are ever being forced supported by even rich parents. Some parents support their disabled kids by choice, but it isn't able to be legally forced.

    Your son was pretty smart to think that up. Im serious. That was clever and would have scared me to death if Kay had come up with that.
     
  16. EarthIsHard

    EarthIsHard Member

    JayPee, I believe the only way they would use your income is if you claim them on your taxes as a dependent, which is sometimes done when they have a disability. Glad you found your answer and you're not responsible. Relief.
     
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  17. JayPee

    JayPee Sending good vibes...

    Gosh, I really don't know what he currently has on the driver's license but that's potentially a good point. I know he uses a different mailing address than where we used to all live but whether or not he updated it with the DMV I'm not sure.
     
  18. Deni D

    Deni D Member

    I remembered looking up SSI information for a friend of mine a couple of years ago where it talked about household income. I was just thinking if JP's son's address on his license showed her or her ex's residence then maybe the social worker brought something like the following info to his attention. Who knows with these adult children, the things that are actually said to them verses what they hear...
    ~~
    SSI Benefits and the Financial Guidelines
    While SSI is awarded for disability and you must meet the same medical criteria that are required to receive SSDI, there are specific financial requirements that must be met in order to get approved for SSI benefits. SSI is funded by general tax revenues and not by Social Security taxes, so it's only available for the most needy.

    A program specifically designed to help elderly, disabled or blind workers who have little or no income. The nominal monthly benefit is designed to provide finances to help with the basic needs for clothing, shelter, food and other living expenses. Because of the program’s design and funding, you cannot exceed specific income guidelines to qualify for benefits. Because of this, your eligibility can be impacted by the income of family members.
     
  19. BusynMember

    BusynMember Active Member

    SSDI is given to people who are too disabled to work at a sustainable job from what I know. It is not about the family, just the person. Unless a minor, the persons salary is all that is taken into account. This is regardless of where he lives.

    If a person with a severe disability can still make a living wage, he will not get Disability. In fact if one gets a job and makes too much he is deemed able to work and will not get government assistance.

    Income matters, but not original family income. This is what I understand. A spouse may make a difference. Not sure.
     
  20. JayPee

    JayPee Sending good vibes...

    Keep in mind although he's got an appointment for SSDI in October this situation that prompted his comment to me was only when he went to apply for emergency fuel/gas and food assistance.

    I agree with the comment "Who knows with these adult children, the things that are actually said to them verses what they hear..."

    He was so matter of fact about it and just said, "I'm just telling you what they said, not to alarm you or anything." I wonder if it was actually a thought going through his mind and his strange sense of reality made him think "they" said it. Who knows.