So as I mentioned in a pervious post, me and my sis in law had it out a month before Thanksgiving because I couldn't take how toxic she and my brother. I am totally convinced now that they are both narcissist to the umph degree. They love the drama, to have arrogance , and all that other jazz. Simply could not take it any longer and I tried so hard for many years for the kids sake most of all.
Brother invited me to thanksgiving and i went, for my difficult child and niece and nephews too. Well, we all know how that turned out.
So, as you all may or may not know. I am very attached to my niece and my nephews.
So Christmas is now approaching and I am dreading it, who wouldn't? To make matters even worse, one of my nephews just can't get close to me. He has amazing qualities about him and I love him regardless, but for whatever reason, he doesn't respect me, love me, hug me, etc.. and he is rude and can be mean to me a lot of the time, and it's very hurtful to be honest. One time he almost had me in tears. That is another reason why I didn't want to be around brothers family anymore. My nephew was getting out of control. However, and this is a big however, my other niece and my oldest nephew simply adore me and I adore them. My oldest nephew has made it very clear to me verbally time and time again that he needs me in his life, I choke up as I write this, and he truly wants me around. My oldest nephew is nothing but a pleasure. Niece loves me to pieces too and she is too cute and precious for words. Both the complete contrast of middle nephew. I tried so very hard with him for so many years but he is who he is. I don't know why he is so different, so complicated and so difficult. I strongly suspect some sort of personality disorder with him but for the life of me, can't figure out which one. All I know is, I tried so desperately hard with him for years, no aunt would try as hard as I have, no aunt. I spoiled him, took him everywhere, babysat him, played with him endlessly, just so much. I am just to the point now where I feel why should I treat my nephews equally great when one is really bad to me and the other one is really good to me? I want to do more for my oldest nephew and frankly , he deserves more. However, I would never in a million years mistreat my middle nephew. I would treat him just like my nephew, but I just don't want to do as much for him as my other nephew anymore or until he starts to act better. The parents (brother and girlfriend) are very adamant about them both getting treated equally (because both nephews have two different moms. Oldest nephews belongs to my brothers ex) and of course so am I, but it's becoming BEYOND impossible for me to do that when middle nephew is acting so poorly. Regardless of how he acts, I still love him and would give my life in an instant for him. That will never change.
So now with Christmas coming just around the corner, not only do I have to deal with three major stressors who are brother, his woman and difficult child, but now my nephew is added to the list and he is only six years old (I feel ashamed that I feel like this about a six year old). difficult child has been acting pretty good lately so I don't anticipate any problems with her, but still this is all too much.
The only ones I want to see are difficult child (so long as she is cool), oldest nephew and youngest niece.
If I don't go , oldest nephew will be heartbroken (he's 9 years old by the way) and probably won't forgive me. Niece is still a baby so won't really notice or remember. difficult child doesn't really care because she knows how I feel and wouldn't hold it against me if I didn't want to go.
So in essence, I am only going under this incredible duress for oldest nephew or else I would just skip Christmas for this year. Also, I just feel obligated to go and I really don't want to be alone on Christmas either.
These are my only family members with in 500 square miles folks. There is no going anywhere else. These are the only peeps that I have. I desperately want to move back to my hometown, but I can't leave difficult child just yet. However, I know for a fact if get the hell away from here, the fifth circle of HELL, I will be so much better, even though I am scarred by a lot of memories of this place. There is nothing for me here besides difficult child, oldest nephew and niece.
Ugh. Sorry. I had to vent
Brother invited me to thanksgiving and i went, for my difficult child and niece and nephews too. Well, we all know how that turned out.
So, as you all may or may not know. I am very attached to my niece and my nephews.
So Christmas is now approaching and I am dreading it, who wouldn't? To make matters even worse, one of my nephews just can't get close to me. He has amazing qualities about him and I love him regardless, but for whatever reason, he doesn't respect me, love me, hug me, etc.. and he is rude and can be mean to me a lot of the time, and it's very hurtful to be honest. One time he almost had me in tears. That is another reason why I didn't want to be around brothers family anymore. My nephew was getting out of control. However, and this is a big however, my other niece and my oldest nephew simply adore me and I adore them. My oldest nephew has made it very clear to me verbally time and time again that he needs me in his life, I choke up as I write this, and he truly wants me around. My oldest nephew is nothing but a pleasure. Niece loves me to pieces too and she is too cute and precious for words. Both the complete contrast of middle nephew. I tried so very hard with him for so many years but he is who he is. I don't know why he is so different, so complicated and so difficult. I strongly suspect some sort of personality disorder with him but for the life of me, can't figure out which one. All I know is, I tried so desperately hard with him for years, no aunt would try as hard as I have, no aunt. I spoiled him, took him everywhere, babysat him, played with him endlessly, just so much. I am just to the point now where I feel why should I treat my nephews equally great when one is really bad to me and the other one is really good to me? I want to do more for my oldest nephew and frankly , he deserves more. However, I would never in a million years mistreat my middle nephew. I would treat him just like my nephew, but I just don't want to do as much for him as my other nephew anymore or until he starts to act better. The parents (brother and girlfriend) are very adamant about them both getting treated equally (because both nephews have two different moms. Oldest nephews belongs to my brothers ex) and of course so am I, but it's becoming BEYOND impossible for me to do that when middle nephew is acting so poorly. Regardless of how he acts, I still love him and would give my life in an instant for him. That will never change.
So now with Christmas coming just around the corner, not only do I have to deal with three major stressors who are brother, his woman and difficult child, but now my nephew is added to the list and he is only six years old (I feel ashamed that I feel like this about a six year old). difficult child has been acting pretty good lately so I don't anticipate any problems with her, but still this is all too much.
The only ones I want to see are difficult child (so long as she is cool), oldest nephew and youngest niece.
If I don't go , oldest nephew will be heartbroken (he's 9 years old by the way) and probably won't forgive me. Niece is still a baby so won't really notice or remember. difficult child doesn't really care because she knows how I feel and wouldn't hold it against me if I didn't want to go.
So in essence, I am only going under this incredible duress for oldest nephew or else I would just skip Christmas for this year. Also, I just feel obligated to go and I really don't want to be alone on Christmas either.
These are my only family members with in 500 square miles folks. There is no going anywhere else. These are the only peeps that I have. I desperately want to move back to my hometown, but I can't leave difficult child just yet. However, I know for a fact if get the hell away from here, the fifth circle of HELL, I will be so much better, even though I am scarred by a lot of memories of this place. There is nothing for me here besides difficult child, oldest nephew and niece.
Ugh. Sorry. I had to vent