I'm seeing a therapist tomorrow afternoon. I'll probably only go once a month because even at a hugely discounted fee, I really can't go more often. But I am struggling with depression, anxiety, sometimes wanting to just go to sleep and not wake up. Josh is still at my sisters (!), which is amazing. I really thought he'd be put out by now. But he has lost yet another job just in the last two weeks due to not going to work. I don't know how long they will allow him to stay. Over the last week and a half, I have not responded to his texts and calls until yesterday. Oh my...they have been so, so evil and hateful. He is so scary to me now. Here are some of what he has said to me: "I want to strangle u. I want to put my hands around your old wrinkly neck and choke you." "Your the devil, you and your husband. Evil white people just like the rest. Ur the devil and your a whore. It makes me sick what the two of you do under the name of religion." "Evil ." "Your a whore. I know that you get this and I know you see this. Your a foul white and a whore and if I saw you right now I would f**cking hurt you and take whatever I could from you and ruin anything you had." "I will kill you for saying that sh*t." "Die in your sleep." Whew. He called my husband yesterday, and my husband answered the phone so that he could tell Josh that if Josh is not willing to get help and he's not willing to come here, that we want him to leave us alone and not contact us. My husband couldn't even get a word in. Josh would talk over him, telling him that we "owed" him what we "promised" (a car or money for one). He became foulmouthed, and my husband hung up on him. I texted him and told him the same thing. I also told him that he has until Monday afternoon to make a choice to speak to us respectfully and after that I'm blocking him. (I want to have his text messages until then to show the therapist what I'm dealing with). I begged him (again) to see that he is ill and needs to get help but as usual he denies that he is "crazy" as he puts it. I told him we have never said he is crazy and that he has a medical condition that affects the chemicals in his brain. I told him that he is destroying his life and that things are not going to get better until he gets help. I am at the end of my rope. He is killing my soul. I am begging God to intervene, to cause him to see that he is sick, but it doesn't seem to be happening. I can't keep doing this though. It's too much.