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<blockquote data-quote="Sam3" data-source="post: 719135" data-attributes="member: 19290"><p>I suspected my husband too felt he needed to be the stronger one, but I realized at the end of the day that it deprived us both, to accept such roles. He couldn't even pretend for a minute that someone's "got this" -- like a wiser or stronger or more experienced soul could manage it for a while. And of course, I never got to pretend I was the manager for a minute -- that I could bring my husband some relief and take the rowing oar. So he got pretend stronger and I felt even more like a victim, when in reality I'm not. For us it was theater around something that was largely out of our control. </p><p></p><p>Even with two whole people this is an ass kicker. It was very liberating to recapture my strength and also to feel like I could help my husband in some way, if not my son. </p><p></p><p>And re the enabling, mom glasses are rose colored and incredibly thick! Sometimes it takes more distance and repetition to be able to see the recurring pattern. It took my mom 8 years to realize that the only consistency was that my brother would again face some intolerable life circumstance setting him back. He was not an unsolvable puzzle. He was an alcoholic.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sam3, post: 719135, member: 19290"] I suspected my husband too felt he needed to be the stronger one, but I realized at the end of the day that it deprived us both, to accept such roles. He couldn't even pretend for a minute that someone's "got this" -- like a wiser or stronger or more experienced soul could manage it for a while. And of course, I never got to pretend I was the manager for a minute -- that I could bring my husband some relief and take the rowing oar. So he got pretend stronger and I felt even more like a victim, when in reality I'm not. For us it was theater around something that was largely out of our control. Even with two whole people this is an ass kicker. It was very liberating to recapture my strength and also to feel like I could help my husband in some way, if not my son. And re the enabling, mom glasses are rose colored and incredibly thick! Sometimes it takes more distance and repetition to be able to see the recurring pattern. It took my mom 8 years to realize that the only consistency was that my brother would again face some intolerable life circumstance setting him back. He was not an unsolvable puzzle. He was an alcoholic. [/QUOTE]
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