RENEWED HOPE

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by NumbAndLost, May 4, 2019.

  1. NumbAndLost

    NumbAndLost New Member

    Well, today is the day I took the plunge and decided to sign up as a member of this format. I've been on this site multiple times, over many many months and all of you have uplifted me with comfort and strength at moments when I was particularly vulnerable. Last night was another one of those times. Then this morning I realized I actually needed to interact, potentially being able to give comfort to others with similar circumstances as mine. More of my story will come soon, when I'm able to dedicate enough time to writing it out. Right now I'd like to urge others who, like myself, have simply read as "guests" to also start to share. Just signing up today has given me a feeling of empowerment and it's eased my overwhelming feelings of being so alone. I'm empty, feeling everything good has been sucked out of my life. I've been emotionally unable and unwilling to work on myself. I'm stuck in an endless loop of going through the motions of life and reliving motherhood and what I might have been done differently over and over and over. How do I enjoy a sunny day, my son is homeless, Which friend wants to spend time with me, my son is homeless. How do I give my daughter the normal mom she deserves, my son is homeless. Why brush my teeth, my son is homeless. The frustrations, fear and guilt are enormous, draining and NEVER go away. I know with all my heart that I'm powerless over my son's life, but true love is unconditional and, as you of all know, can and does sometimes hurt like hell. I'm hoping this step may change some of that. I feel all your pain, thank you for your stories. God bless you all.
     
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  2. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the club no one ever wanted to need to join, but so glad I did. It helps to realize that we are not alone in what we are going through. Ksm
     
  3. elizabrary

    elizabrary Active Member

    Welcome! We all understand what you're going through. I found it a relief to find this space because people who haven't had experience with difficult adult children do not understand the issues we face. They frequently give useless advice like, "Just tell her to stop drinking." As if we haven't tried that and everything else. I also find it rewarding when I am able to give some small bit of advice or comfort to someone when I have gone through a similar situation. It's like all the bad I have gone through can be used for some amount of good, however small. It helps me stay focused on myself too! Glad you are here.
     
  4. SeekingStrength

    SeekingStrength Well-Known Member

    Welcome,

    so glad you joined us. This forum was truly a God-send for husband and myself. The members here provided 99% of any of the sane thinking we could hang onto.

    It will get better for you.

    Stick close.

    SS
     
  5. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your post Numb. My son is homeless and I am suffering, too. Welcome.
     
  6. BusynMember

    BusynMember Active Member

    I am surprised at the hope everyone has. I am also happy you carry that hope.

    I am determined to live a good life for me and my husband, and am doing tons to make their current crisis not my problem, however I have little to no hope for my daughter and even less hope for my grandson.

    For years I was in denial at how dysfunctional and sick my daughter and her husband are. I enabled her and told myself she is doing well. Him, I never liked. They have a very bad effect on one another.

    They believe sick conspiracy theories so my grandson will never be vaccinated, go to school (homeschooling by my daughter who never liked school), and legal pot smoking around this little boy. Not to mention some domestic violence that he sees. Neither call the cops. I did once when I was there, but my daughter would not press charges. The police warned her to leave him. She never will.

    I cant fool me anymore. My daughter is not a kid and I do not feel hopeful that she will ever assimilate to a normal way of thinking and living. This affects my grandson. She is threatening to cut my husband and me out of her life for an insane reason.

    We are the grandson's only sanity. Well, so are the other grandparents, but they are already mostly ostracized. Poor baby. A victim of his parent's crazy conspiracy theories. CPS says so far they cant do anything. God help us, if Daughter knew we called CPS! It was a wasted call.

    I envy those of you with hope. I am on the cusp of giving up. I have handed them over to God. Only He can help at this point.

    Keep up your hope. Wish I could.
     
    Last edited: May 4, 2019
  7. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    Busynmember
    I have known of granpatents who have sought and won custody of their grandchildren if you want to take on that responsiblity. Maybe you could talk to a lawyer and see if you have enough to take it to court.
     
  8. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I just looked up the definition of hope. A word I use often, and may not fully understand.

    Hope is "a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen" and "a feeling of trust." Wow.

    Who knew? How in the world can I control what happens outside of me (which I barely control)? Desire. Yearning. Want. This is all of it, inside of me. But over anybody or anything outside of me? How in the world can I (safely) attach my wanting or yearning to anybody else? They control them.

    They do and say and want what they want. Not what I want them to want. I can (safely) only want what I control. What I can do. What I can be.

    In terms of "trust" I am learning that I have very, very little of this precious thing. And it is with this fragile hope (to learn to trust) that I turn to 12 step groups.
    How very hard. I am here, right here, with you, in the same place. I have mixed feelings about where I am (with you). Sometimes I feel great loss of the life I had and great loss of the illusion I had that I was safe. But sometimes I believe that there is great possibility in this place. That I can fill it with reality, with a real person, with real strength, with real confidence. Beyond illusion.
     
    Last edited: May 5, 2019
  9. BusynMember

    BusynMember Active Member

    Interesting definition.

    I believe deeply in God, but people have free will. I dont hope or trust Kay will hear God's loving direction. Not anymore. Even so, i gave her to Him. He is more powerful than me.

    Of course she is an atheist so she isn't looking for His loving guidance. Lee is her Higher Power.
     
  10. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Never stop praying. Really that is all we have.

    This world is a scary place and if I would not want to live in it without my faith.
     
  11. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Welcome NumbAndLost, I'm so glad you decided to post. There is something very healing about sharing on this site with others that "get it" and "know" what you are going through. My son is also homeless, it's a lifestyle that he chooses and manages to navigate through it. I don't think I will ever like it but I accept it.

    As for having hope, I allow myself 1% of hope that my son will decide to live a more conventional life. There is always hope but we cannot allow ourselves to be consumed by "hopeful, wishful thinking".

    We best serve ourselves and those around us by living our lives the very best we can.

    ((HUGS)) to you all.................
     
  12. BusynMember

    BusynMember Active Member

    Thanks.

    I function best if I drop expectations completely and do day to day living. I have become very involved very quickly in Al Anon and am practicing things like mindfulness.

    I am doing all I can to live a good life each day.

    But I dont think in terms of hope when it comes to my daughter who has been dysfunctional and with the same bad man for twenty years. I do have times I grieve, but I am working hard on minimizing that time. Keeping busy, being social helps a lot.