Repercussions of CPS call

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by elizabrary, Dec 2, 2018.

  1. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    I got an email yesterday from my granddaughter's teacher. KK attends a private Catholic school. My parents pay the tuition. Of course, once I called CPS they contacted the school, and I also emailed KK's teacher letting her know what is going with my daughter- that she's drinking again and it will impact my granddaughter. So the teacher emailed me and it was a very kind gesture. She said the school gives gifts to a few needy kids each year and she and the principal wondered if they should include KK on the list. Don't get me wrong, this was very kind of them to offer and it's good to know they are concerned for KK's welfare and happiness. However, this so goes with the stereotype of abused or neglected children; that they come from homes with no financial resources, which is not always the case. My daughter's financial situation varies from OK to some struggle paying the bills. I'm not rich, but I'm comfortable and always help with KK and make sure she has what she needs and wants. I would never let her go without a nice Christmas or birthday. I pay a majority of the expenses associated with the competitive gymnastics she is involved in, and it is not cheap. My parents are very well off and are generous when it comes to KK. I'm not offended by the offer, but just exasperated that there is still this stigma of poverty with child abuse or neglect. I explained that KK gets 4 Christmases between myself, my ex-husband and his family, my parents and her mom, and that whenever her mom is unable to provide a nice Christmas at home I take care of it. It's never ending, dealing with our kid's addictions. It impacts literally everything.
     
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  2. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I would have found this painful, too.

    Could the teacher have been motivated by wanting to make things a little bit better for KK, to show her kindness and care, that this gesture was not associated with financial "neediness" but with emotional support?
     
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  3. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    That could be. I assumed it was financial. But the staff there is very caring and they have been very supportive to our family. Thanks for providing a different view.
     
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I think she meant nothing but kindness. I worked for Head Start and many many abused children are from financially struggling homes so they didnt know. It is in my opinion not useful to feel insulted by being offered help. It was a nice gesture.

    I am grateful there are caring teachers and very glad that KK does not need the help. Now they can give the gift to somebody else. Bless all of you!
     
  5. Smithmom

    Smithmom Active Member

    In my experience this kind of thing is more common in a school where there are not a lot of disadvantaged kids. That is, while obviously well intentioned in any case, in a school of wealthy families they have to look a little harder to find disadvantaged kids. So try not to be offended.
     
  6. Smithmom

    Smithmom Active Member

    Frankly what bothers me more about this is the lack of privacy. Were I the child's parent the fact that the school is talking to someone other than me about my child would offend me no end. Obviously they've labelled your daughter a villain and you the saving angel. Do they have evidence to that effect? I recognize that this is a private school. I can't imagine this happening in a public school.
     
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My kids were in Catholic School a few years and one year a family from there sponsored us. We didnt ask them to. We were struggling but okay and never asked for anything. We had always been paycheck to paycheck. But no biggie. We knew how to survive.

    On Dec 23rd one year a ton of wrapped gifts were left on our porch. We found out later by accident that a doctors family whose children attended the school had done it. The care and kindness of the gifts made me feel warm and happy. The kind doctor's family meant well and my kids were still little and thrilled and I had NO bad feelings about the goodness that came from their hearts. I just dont get insulted over stuff like someone maybe thinking we were needy.

    Somebody else, a really poor family, could have used the gifts more. We always provided our kids with everything they needed, but I knew this family (although it had supposed to have been anynamous) and I knew how happy they were to be able to "help" and all of us appreciated their thoughtfulness. We werent going to get huffy and return the gifts to the school.

    I suspect we were chosen because most of the kids from that school were from wealthy families and we seemed needy in comparison. The intent was nothing but kind.

    I am a person who cant pass by anyone holding a homeless sign without at least buying food for that person and giving it to the person, even though I know it could be a ruse. But I mean well when I try to help. If it is a ruse then it is....I did what my heart told me to do. I feel good helping others.

    So I understand those who want to help. To me a bigger problem.is that not enough people have giving hearts.

    I appreciate all acts of kindness and that is what this was meant to be. Nobody checked our bank account. They just followed their heart, assuming we could use the gifts. I was warmed by the genorousity and love right before Christmas.

    I do not see this as negative in any way. The intent was very much in the spirit of Christmas.
     
    Last edited: Dec 2, 2018
  8. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    My husband, son and I volunteered through our church on Saturday for Merry Christmas Gulf Coast. It was the first time we had ever done anything like this and I was excited but hated getting up so early on the weekend.

    Bicycles and food were delivered to the school gym we were assigned to. We unloaded the trucks (via human chain which was cool) and then made gift boxes of so many of each item per family. There were 120 families in all helped just from our location and each family received a box of food and a brand new children's bicycle that was built on site by volunteers.

    My husband and son were outside in the parking lot directing traffic (in the pouring but warm rain). They saw many cars come in that were luxury vehicles and much nicer than what we drive. They saw some people come in beat up cars and some that were dropped off by others.

    The way these families were chosen is by contacting the school counselors. Children's families that are on the free lunch program were chosen to receive the food and bicycles. One would assume that those driving luxury vehicles were also on the free lunch program and should not be and then were able to receive the gifts from the church. Of course I am not sure of this but it was a bit upsetting to think that someone misrepresented themselves to get the free lunch which in turn turned into them receiving the food/bike. Whether that prevented someone else that was more in need is not something I know. But either way it was nice to volunteer and help feed a family and it was so wonderful to see the children receive the bicycles.

    I did work as a high school registrar for a few years before reentering the business world and I agree that a counselor should not have spoken to anyone that is not on a confidential list about personal matters.
     
  9. Smithmom

    Smithmom Active Member

    RN,
    Some of us can't afford cars. I'd take whoever I could find to get me there no matter what they drove. If it were a nice car I'd just enjoy the ride more. FYI there were years my kids didn't get gifts from these kinds of programs because I didn't have a way to get there. I look at it this way... as long as no one's taking it to sell it... if some kid gets a couple extra gifts...

    School lunch program does have rules and verifications. been there done that. Will say much easier now cause state social services downloads lists to local schools, at least in my state. Don't have to prove lack of income yet again to school after proving to social services, social security for SSI, hospital for charity care, pharmacy for medicine, etc etc.

    Just saying.. can't judge a book by its car?
     
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I have no idea why so many think people are dying to get things like free gifts when they can afford them. If they actually have enough money, most of the gifts donated are not that high quality. If you bother to drive a luxury car for what they cost...$100,000 maybe, you would be okay giving less than great gifts to your kids? Maybe. I would think not but maybe.

    I never got why some people worry so much about these things though.

    To me, I never had money and never thought about or cared much about possessions. I always gave generously anyway because I like to share what I had/have, though it be humble. I still like to do this.

    If I happen to, say, give a brand new toy to a child whose family has money and could have afforded it, so what? I meant well and you cant vet everyone. I feel the same way about giving to those holding homeless signs.

    Can I be cheated? Yes. Do I worry about it and think I got cheated? I think most of them truly are needy. If I am wrong, I still meant well. I wont stop trying to help. I have always been this way. I have never had to skip a meal because of it.

    Nothing is for sure. If you decide to open your heart and try to be kind to someone who is needy, there is a slight chance it will go to somebody not needy. If ya dont want to risk that, dont do it.

    Peace and love :) No offense meant.
     
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    Last edited: Dec 3, 2018
  11. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Not my wrong to right. It's not a real worry; it was just an observation.

    We were very happy to serve with our group.

    I feel that many were helped that were truly in need and for those that took it without the real need, if there were any of those folks, they will have to answer for that!
     
  12. mentalcase

    mentalcase New Member

    My daughter goes to a Catholic school. I think it's great because kids don't slip through the cracks. Maybe they just wanted to do something special for your granddaughter because they are aware she's dealing with some tough stuff. I let the counselor at the school know about my son's drug issues and I think the teachers have been extra kind to my daughter. Sounds like you let the school know your granddaughter isn't in need of extra "things" but maybe some extra love/attention/understanding would be great. I've noticed with my own situation, many people want to help, but it's not always in the best way. It's up to us to let them know what would actually be helpful.