Reported my Difficult Child to child protective services

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by upallnight, Jun 23, 2016.

  1. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    I sent pictures of the most filth-ridden home imaginable. The windows and walls were all smeared with thick ,brown , chocolate or something worse. The crib that was once brown, now it's white- milk dripped or poured out all over the entire thing. No food for a meal, just candy! and cookies and fruit punch. I am serious, this is every "meal". There is a mountain of 1,000 cigarette butts....I could go on, the filth is beyond anything you could imagine. I went there for a day, I flew down and then we drove back 16 hours so my son could go to a wedding. They're leaving Sunday to drive home. I never raised him to live like this and I know her own mother did not either. I am sick that I did it, they will know it's me. How dare those kids live that.
  2. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I hope CPS will have them clean up and check on their well being You were brave.

    If not for the child, if our grown kids want to live in filth, they can.

    Unfortunately, the grands may be able to stay there if they clean and maybe take parenting classes. I mean, I hope CPS stays involved. I worked for a Head Start with so many kids coming to school dirty and dressed wrong for the cold and with less than desirable parents snd houses filthy on the outsideb(i rode on the school bus) and we had CPS speakers who mainly told us there is not much they can do unless there us physical abuse, documented. I would think improper feeding would get attention! That has to count as abuse.

    I so hope your kid doesnt refuse to let you see your grand. Sometimes they can be so mean that way.

    Hugs to you for a brave, brave step and hoping it helps!
  3. A dad

    A dad Active Member

    I think this will not go well for you. CPS has a high tolerance its smaller in USA then in my country but its still higher then a filthy house. Also how can it be proved that the baby is not breast feeded and the food is not for him.
    In my country parents can send their children to beg and they can keep their children. Hey they even drug them to always sleep and still they keep their children well its a minority in my country that does that but I made my opinion. Imagine someone who was a drug addict from birth trying to get his brain to normal state that will take as much time he was a addict so around 18 years.
  4. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    You don't have to breastfeed here. A BOTTLE IS JUST FINE. You do have to feed kids more than candy. Chances are they will (parents) have time to take parenting classes, learn nutrition, and keep the house In better condition. CPS wants to keep families together and will go overboard unless there is proven abuse. PHYSICAL ABUSE OR DRUG USE AND OTHER THINGS TOO. This familk will probably be monitored now. Good idea taking pictures.

    I did foster care and adopted one child from foster care Every placement we had had substance abuse involved as an issue. Yet my son Sonic, who was born with cocaine in in his system and syphilis was not completely removed.

    His birthmother, who had received no prenatal care and left the hospital without taking her son, had four years of court chances to get clean and regain custody. Scary. She made money selling herself and lived in a violent area where there are no jobs..Nobody sets up businesses in our city's war zones.

    This was CHICAGO'S worst crime infested area at the time and she had no future.

    Fortunately for Sonic, his birthmother didn't show up for any court hearings. No relatives could take him and he was our foster child so we finally got to legally adopt him and feel very blessed. He is an angel and so loving.

    However, a dad, it took the courts FOUR YEARS to terminate this absent mothers parental rights. This after she had walked out of the hospital AMA without taking him. She had also relinquished four other drug exposed special needs babies to her mother. Her mother was very poor and overwhelmed and did not want to take Sonic too. Because we were fostering him we were happily able to adopt him.
    GET THIS. To give birthmother a chance to get her kids back, before we had Sonic, she had been sent to rehabs ELEVEN times on taxpayer dollars. She left early each time. That is how far they may go to reunite kids with even inept mothers. Crazy. She didn't want any of her kids. But the social workers did not give up, knowing her history of drug abuse and profession.

    Yes, it is terrible here too. No argument from me.

    On the plus side, they are more willing to give child custody from abusive parents to blood relatives. If this woman who started the thread wants custody, she could possibly fight to get it. She is grandma. Grandma is first in line.

    CPS is very strange and erratic.

    Thanks for your thoughts. We shall see. It IS better here. I pray for this terrible situation to end well for grandma and baby.
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2016
  5. A dad

    A dad Active Member

    Until a few years ago my neighbors where where a foster house where all kinds of children where brought well not all kinds but children who could not be adopted because their parents did not gave up their parental rights but could not live with their parents because of different reasons. One of them was brought in the house after a few months of hospitalization because his father hit him in the head with a ax. This was a very hard working boy but he could not speak right and could not focus for long enough but he was good kid and was the go to person for help if you wanted to repair something or cut woods or help in the garden and many other manual things. But because of his issues he was limited he grew up got wife and a very very small home for him and his wife and even now he lives doing manual labour not bad but this are things without a contract and do not pay that well and god help when he can not work anymore.
    And this is the success story of that house the rest are way worse and where not hit with a ax in their head. From what I know none of them work well work for something that is not illegal. This is why I say think a lot before calling CPS it might be worse then the hell their now. If the parents do not want to terminate custody you will have them in the foster care system for well until they become adults then it does not matter anymore.
  6. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    A Dad, what a great story about the man hit with the axe! I love it.

    It is better here. I am not a rah rah fan of CPS. They scare me and do make mistakes

    But a judge CAN terminate a parents rights so its more hopeful. In this situation a grandmother sent proof. This is a possibly positive move for the grandchild. If you abuse your child and don't listen to the CPS recommendations you could lose your child to relative foster care or a licensed foster or adoptive home. It is not up to the parent if the judge deems the parents unfit.

    CPS is the first step. A CPS Family, once on they lit caseload, must comply with CPS. They will check up. The case could end up in court.

    Every call, no matter how trite, must be investigated by a social worker.
  7. A dad

    A dad Active Member

    You needed 4 years to get custody for your sons from a birth parent that did not want him. How long will it have taken if she wanted?
    Also now what will stop the parents from cutting the grandmother form her grandson. Just this moth we had 2 new members with this issue on this forum.
  8. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    ADad, but my son is almost 23. hopefully things have changed. Do I know if they have? Not really. we quit doing foster care because the children and foster parents at the time we felt were mistreated snd it got to be too stressful. Also a long, horrible story about an adoptee we had who we got terrible information about from social services. Their report on him stated he had never had behavioral issues. The truth? He was a long time and severe sexusl predator of very young annd disabled children and he did it to mine and we suspect others, plus animal killing, fire setting, conscience. we called CPS to take him the day it all came out and had to (and did) put the family back together. CPS was very sorry and paid for all our help/therapy and thank God our kids seem to be doing great.

    I dont trust adoption and foster care institutions to be honest here or in most of the international adoption world. And CPS is often the first stepping stone to adoption. Sonic went there first where he lucked out for two years in a loving home, then came to us happy, loving and hevwas able to attach, unlike many older foster kids who spend the early years without affection. it is a mixed bag. Sonic is wonderful...never really a behavior problem.

    There is no one else to call here if we feel a child is in danger. If we call the police, they will call CPS. So when we feel a child is in peril, this is what we have to do.

    OP did the right and only thing and I pray for her.
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2016
  9. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Actually, I assure you they will get involved. I got appointed to represent a CPS case years ago and the filthy house was an issue. They will go and do a check. They will determine if it rises to the level of neglect or endangerment. They can make them clean it up in order to keep the kids.

    This is a hard, hard thing for a grandmother to do, but I think you've done the right thing. I'm a terrible housekeeper, but mine was never like you describe. There's a difference between keeping a house that's filthy and one that's at least sanitary.

    Surely they have had other people over, friends, relatives, neighbors, mailmen - who could have reported them. It's possible they'll never know it was @upallnight .
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  10. DarkwingPsyduck

    DarkwingPsyduck Active Member

    That is disgusting. And that situation is why CPS exists. To witness something like that and NOT report it would be tantamount to child abuse on your part. You did the right thing. I've lived in situations like that all throughout my childhood, with the only real respite being when I was lucky enough to be with foster families. Trust me, it doesn't make for a healthy, comfortable, secure childhood.
  11. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Nobody knows but all of you, not even my own husband. As an educator, I know cps doesn't do much for this, but it's recorded, maybe they will consider this trail. My 4 year old grandson is not potty trained because they are too lazy, he wears diapers and does not talk because they never speak,to him. I can't tell you in a few words the horrors I see. My first instinct is to ignore because they live so far away but my youngest child was so upset by this (he saw pics) that I had to try
  12. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    I know this was not easy for you but I'm glad that you were brave enough to do it. What you did was out of concern and love, you have nothing to feel sick or guilty about.
    I hope this will be a wake up call for them. I applaud you for doing what you did.
  13. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    If you need any more reassurance you did the right thing, re-read Darkwings post. Tells you right there how it affected him. You did the best for your grandkids.
  14. DarkwingPsyduck

    DarkwingPsyduck Active Member

    I have had very different experiences with CPS. They took my sister's son away from us for.... Reasons? I still don't know. We think it probably had to do with my sister, who was a fugitive at the time. She wasn't living with us, and we never knew where she was. We had been raising her son for 2 years without her. But CPS showeed up at 10pm one night, for a welface check. The two social workers were very kind, and complimented us on the home we had built specifically for the kid. We put in hardwood floors, and turned the dining room into a play place for him. Complete with it's own televeision, baby size Lazy Boy, table, etc. Had baby proofed the entire home, and put down gripping on the stairs, and a brand new railing with baby gates. They noted how close the baby was to my uncle specifically. They were very satisfied, and left. 30 minutes later, they show back up with 2 police officers to remove him. I didn't like that idea very much, and the police had to pin me on the ground with a knee on my spine to get away with him. You could tell that the social workers were very uncomfortable with the situation, and just as confused as we were. Clearly, somebody above them over ruled their assessment.

    So, in Reno, they will remove a child from a healthy, loving home for literally no reason. They refused to even explain why when I called them the next day. They kept making :censored2: up. In one phone call, they first told me that it is because somebody in the home has a criminal record. I told her that was bullshit, my entire criminal record was an unpaid speeding ticked when I was 17. I honestly don't think my aunt or uncle has ever broken a single law in their lives. They do not drink, smoke, or any of that. They are about as straight as you could get. Then they told me it was because there was no immediate adult family member there. Except for me, who is the mother's twin brother. This went on and on for a few days. Almost 2 years later, they have yet to explain themselves.

    I am not a huge fan of how they go about their services, though I do acknowledge that they serve a very important purpose. And that there are many people and homes that truly cannot safely or happily bring a child up, and homes where children are abused in every way imaginable, and NEED to be removed from the situation. I just think their policies, and rules are far too vague and open to interpretation, which makes it a lot easier to take a child without cause.