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<blockquote data-quote="ColleenB" data-source="post: 725933" data-attributes="member: 19887"><p>I get it..... I really do.</p><p></p><p>It feels so unfair. I used to (ok, honestly I still so this) look at friends of mine whose sons are doing well and think “ but I stayed home, I did eveything I was supposed to, I’m a good person” and feel like I somehow was ripped off. Friends who didn’t stay home, who had their careers, who let their kids drink young, friends who didn’t volunteer at soup kitchens with their teens.... and their sons are graduating university, getting married ... working. I felt like such a failure, and some days I still do!</p><p></p><p>I felt bitter, angry that I somehow was being punished. I am doing better of course, especially since Son seems to be trying to turn it around. However..... your son is VERY young still.... mine is 23.</p><p></p><p>I had started on my own detaching from these feelings of failure and bitterness. I couldn’t keep it up. It takes a huge toll on you.</p><p></p><p>I pray he stays this course but if he doesn’t I will not get bitter. I can’t. I want joy in my life with or without him in it. I’m glad for today he is in my life but I know if he chooses drugs again I can’t be sucked into his abyss.</p><p></p><p>Maybe he needed me to step back and see I could live..... I needed to see I could live, and find joy in my career, my marriage, my family.</p><p></p><p>I so understand your feelings ..... I too felt so shortchanged. I felt I deserved a successful son.... I felt I had invested the time and money... with so little return! Children do not give us a guarantee even with all the best intentions and good, loving parenting. It is a little luck, some genetics for sure and sometimes it’s one wrong move and then they seem to be in a direction we can’t have even imagined.</p><p></p><p>Sigh..... hugs and hang in there..... this too shall pass.....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ColleenB, post: 725933, member: 19887"] I get it..... I really do. It feels so unfair. I used to (ok, honestly I still so this) look at friends of mine whose sons are doing well and think “ but I stayed home, I did eveything I was supposed to, I’m a good person” and feel like I somehow was ripped off. Friends who didn’t stay home, who had their careers, who let their kids drink young, friends who didn’t volunteer at soup kitchens with their teens.... and their sons are graduating university, getting married ... working. I felt like such a failure, and some days I still do! I felt bitter, angry that I somehow was being punished. I am doing better of course, especially since Son seems to be trying to turn it around. However..... your son is VERY young still.... mine is 23. I had started on my own detaching from these feelings of failure and bitterness. I couldn’t keep it up. It takes a huge toll on you. I pray he stays this course but if he doesn’t I will not get bitter. I can’t. I want joy in my life with or without him in it. I’m glad for today he is in my life but I know if he chooses drugs again I can’t be sucked into his abyss. Maybe he needed me to step back and see I could live..... I needed to see I could live, and find joy in my career, my marriage, my family. I so understand your feelings ..... I too felt so shortchanged. I felt I deserved a successful son.... I felt I had invested the time and money... with so little return! Children do not give us a guarantee even with all the best intentions and good, loving parenting. It is a little luck, some genetics for sure and sometimes it’s one wrong move and then they seem to be in a direction we can’t have even imagined. Sigh..... hugs and hang in there..... this too shall pass..... [/QUOTE]
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