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Parent Emeritus
Rock bottom for parents of difficult children? Do we need to hit it?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 633992" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I think some mothers come here wanting to get advice on how to fix their child and when we talk about detachment they are either so full of guilt at the thought or it is so alien to them (as it was to all of us at one time) that they are just not in that place yet and many leave, thinking we are totally selfish. Or maybe they will be that 80 year old enabling her 60 year old addictive son. Just as not all addicts get well, not all codependents get well either. I am convinced that some people don't want to quit using drugs and some people don't want to stop taking care of their adult children, even if it's not helpful for that adult child and even if that adult child is abusive, steals from them, abuses them, lies to them, ends up in jail over and over again and never tries. I guess that's why Al-Anon exists.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for all of your kind comments about this sudden insight I had. It happened because I've noticed a few moms who come for help then leave quickly when we tell them they can't change their children, and that emotionally and financially detaching is a sane thing to do. I think parents also have to hit rock bottom before we are ready to let go and let God of our children. We have to realize that we can't help them get better by paying their bills and giving them a bed and enabling their lifestyle, but that often takes one big event that lets us see clearly.</p><p></p><p>Many parents are not ready to hear it when they come here. Many also come back later on to say that they get it now. That's both a bright and very sad moment in our lives...that rock bottom hit and the lightbulb going on. It is a powerful time for all of us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 633992, member: 1550"] I think some mothers come here wanting to get advice on how to fix their child and when we talk about detachment they are either so full of guilt at the thought or it is so alien to them (as it was to all of us at one time) that they are just not in that place yet and many leave, thinking we are totally selfish. Or maybe they will be that 80 year old enabling her 60 year old addictive son. Just as not all addicts get well, not all codependents get well either. I am convinced that some people don't want to quit using drugs and some people don't want to stop taking care of their adult children, even if it's not helpful for that adult child and even if that adult child is abusive, steals from them, abuses them, lies to them, ends up in jail over and over again and never tries. I guess that's why Al-Anon exists. Thanks for all of your kind comments about this sudden insight I had. It happened because I've noticed a few moms who come for help then leave quickly when we tell them they can't change their children, and that emotionally and financially detaching is a sane thing to do. I think parents also have to hit rock bottom before we are ready to let go and let God of our children. We have to realize that we can't help them get better by paying their bills and giving them a bed and enabling their lifestyle, but that often takes one big event that lets us see clearly. Many parents are not ready to hear it when they come here. Many also come back later on to say that they get it now. That's both a bright and very sad moment in our lives...that rock bottom hit and the lightbulb going on. It is a powerful time for all of us. [/QUOTE]
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Rock bottom for parents of difficult children? Do we need to hit it?
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