Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Roller Coaster
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 681261" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Looking back on when my two were in and out of the house, the pervasive mood that enveloped everything,<em> settling like dust upon the furniture</em>.</p><p></p><p>It became the very air we breathed. None of us were in our right minds, especially my two. It was invasive, the addiction and using, it <em>put us all into a frenetic state</em>, while trying to have a sense of normalcy and carrying on with our work and daily lives.</p><p></p><p>How can anyone begin to even think straight in this environment?</p><p></p><p>I see an underlying theme here, that addicts are very clever at manipulating their surroundings and the people they relate with. Especially, parents. They use our hopes and dreams to be able to continue using. They are dependent on drugs,<em> drugs drive them</em>. It is easier for them to use when they live at home, because they do not have to worry about a roof over their heads, food on the table, where to store their belongings, etc. The focus is on how to stay at home, how to keep us involved enough to allow them to live at home and still use. Use....they will use anything and everything in their drug using toolbox to keep us enmeshed, tugging at our heartstrings to keep us dazed and confused. It is a vicious cycle. I don't think our intelligence, professions, abhorrence for drug use has anything to do with what we are dealing with. We love our children. We cannot think straight when all of this is occurring right under our nose. Our kids know us inside and out, up and down and sideways. We become pawns in the game, unwittingly allowing the drug use, while trying desperately to find a solution. What a quandary.</p><p></p><p>That is why I wondered why your son would confess his use, right before you go on vacation. Your last post was about your son getting better. I am thinking his "confession" keeps you on the roller coaster, even as you travel. You are in this altered state, can't think straight, vacillating between going or not. This is a drug addicts tool, to keep us unable to think in our right minds.</p><p> Even this Colleen, will keep you on the roller coaster. He <em>buys your ticket</em> here, because he is such a good person and he feels stuck. He tugs at your heartstrings and pushes your nurturing button. I am not saying your son is not a good person, but good people driven by drugs can be very clever and manipulative. It is a roller coaster ride, and the more we stay enmeshed and confused, the more perilous the ride. Before we know it it becomes harder and harder to get off the roller coaster.</p><p></p><p>The question becomes how do we get off the roller coaster? If your son continues with his drug using, it will become more erratic for all of you, with him at home. Most of us have been through this, well I have, it continued for years. I am probably the worst one to give advice on this, because I was blindsided many times, up until six months ago, when I found this site. Oh, yes, I had my two leave many times, but they always managed to find ways back into my home, tugging at my heart, putting me back on the roller coaster.</p><p></p><p>I finally realized that if nothing changes, nothing changes. It is not easy Colleen and my heart goes out to you.</p><p></p><p>I hope with all of my heart that I am wrong here about your son, that he truly wants change. Just something to think about if the roller coaster continues for you. Getting off of the ride, depends a lot on how you are building your toolbox. If our adult children have more in their addict toolbox and ours is empty, then it is hard to fix anything about us.</p><p></p><p>This is what is important, it is not about <em>fixing them, that thought, focus and drive keeps us on the roller coaster. </em>It is about taking steps to strengthen ourselves, so that we can think with a clearer mind, not in the dazed and confused state that we have been driven towards by all of the ups and downs of the horror ride.</p><p></p><p>So, the vacation is good. It gives you a chance to let go, try to put things into perspective <em>for you</em>. Focus on you, you have value and you matter.<em> Be kind to yourself and figure out what you need to help yourself get off the roller coaster. </em>This should not be dependent on whether or not your son continues to use. It is all about building yourself up, <em>no matter what your sons choices are.</em></p><p></p><p>Maybe when you come home, you can start with small steps to work on yourself. Start to fill your toolbox. This site is really good, because it is a timeline of events, with comments from caring folks who have been on, or are still on the rollercoaster. There are suggestions for books to read, going to counseling, alanon, loving detachment, etc.</p><p></p><p>The key is to try and change our pattern of response. Change our way of thinking, get out of the fog, then we can begin to make clearer decisions.</p><p></p><p>We do not have control over our adult children, understanding this is paramount.</p><p></p><p>I hope you enjoy your vacation, Colleen. Dealing with substance abuse with our adult children has to be one of the most difficult things known to man.</p><p></p><p>It is not impossible for us to overcome, but it does take intense work to switch our focus towards what we <em>can control, and that is, ourselves.</em> </p><p></p><p>This does not happen overnight, one day, one step at a time.</p><p></p><p>In the long run, changing our focus, building and strengthening ourselves helps us to get off the rollercoaster. </p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 681261, member: 19522"] Looking back on when my two were in and out of the house, the pervasive mood that enveloped everything,[I] settling like dust upon the furniture[/I]. It became the very air we breathed. None of us were in our right minds, especially my two. It was invasive, the addiction and using, it [I]put us all into a frenetic state[/I], while trying to have a sense of normalcy and carrying on with our work and daily lives. How can anyone begin to even think straight in this environment? I see an underlying theme here, that addicts are very clever at manipulating their surroundings and the people they relate with. Especially, parents. They use our hopes and dreams to be able to continue using. They are dependent on drugs,[I] drugs drive them[/I]. It is easier for them to use when they live at home, because they do not have to worry about a roof over their heads, food on the table, where to store their belongings, etc. The focus is on how to stay at home, how to keep us involved enough to allow them to live at home and still use. Use....they will use anything and everything in their drug using toolbox to keep us enmeshed, tugging at our heartstrings to keep us dazed and confused. It is a vicious cycle. I don't think our intelligence, professions, abhorrence for drug use has anything to do with what we are dealing with. We love our children. We cannot think straight when all of this is occurring right under our nose. Our kids know us inside and out, up and down and sideways. We become pawns in the game, unwittingly allowing the drug use, while trying desperately to find a solution. What a quandary. That is why I wondered why your son would confess his use, right before you go on vacation. Your last post was about your son getting better. I am thinking his "confession" keeps you on the roller coaster, even as you travel. You are in this altered state, can't think straight, vacillating between going or not. This is a drug addicts tool, to keep us unable to think in our right minds. Even this Colleen, will keep you on the roller coaster. He [I]buys your ticket[/I] here, because he is such a good person and he feels stuck. He tugs at your heartstrings and pushes your nurturing button. I am not saying your son is not a good person, but good people driven by drugs can be very clever and manipulative. It is a roller coaster ride, and the more we stay enmeshed and confused, the more perilous the ride. Before we know it it becomes harder and harder to get off the roller coaster. The question becomes how do we get off the roller coaster? If your son continues with his drug using, it will become more erratic for all of you, with him at home. Most of us have been through this, well I have, it continued for years. I am probably the worst one to give advice on this, because I was blindsided many times, up until six months ago, when I found this site. Oh, yes, I had my two leave many times, but they always managed to find ways back into my home, tugging at my heart, putting me back on the roller coaster. I finally realized that if nothing changes, nothing changes. It is not easy Colleen and my heart goes out to you. I hope with all of my heart that I am wrong here about your son, that he truly wants change. Just something to think about if the roller coaster continues for you. Getting off of the ride, depends a lot on how you are building your toolbox. If our adult children have more in their addict toolbox and ours is empty, then it is hard to fix anything about us. This is what is important, it is not about [I]fixing them, that thought, focus and drive keeps us on the roller coaster. [/I]It is about taking steps to strengthen ourselves, so that we can think with a clearer mind, not in the dazed and confused state that we have been driven towards by all of the ups and downs of the horror ride. So, the vacation is good. It gives you a chance to let go, try to put things into perspective [I]for you[/I]. Focus on you, you have value and you matter.[I] Be kind to yourself and figure out what you need to help yourself get off the roller coaster. [/I]This should not be dependent on whether or not your son continues to use. It is all about building yourself up, [I]no matter what your sons choices are.[/I] Maybe when you come home, you can start with small steps to work on yourself. Start to fill your toolbox. This site is really good, because it is a timeline of events, with comments from caring folks who have been on, or are still on the rollercoaster. There are suggestions for books to read, going to counseling, alanon, loving detachment, etc. The key is to try and change our pattern of response. Change our way of thinking, get out of the fog, then we can begin to make clearer decisions. We do not have control over our adult children, understanding this is paramount. I hope you enjoy your vacation, Colleen. Dealing with substance abuse with our adult children has to be one of the most difficult things known to man. It is not impossible for us to overcome, but it does take intense work to switch our focus towards what we [I]can control, and that is, ourselves.[/I] This does not happen overnight, one day, one step at a time. In the long run, changing our focus, building and strengthening ourselves helps us to get off the rollercoaster. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Roller Coaster
Top