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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 711022" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>My answer isn't going to be popular here. I would stop lecturing and punishing him at home. I would start lecturing and punishing the school, holding THEM accountable, making THEM figure more of this out. Yes, your son's behavior needs to change, but you are heading into the teen years. He is going to shut down more and more with regards to you and he is going to need you more and more to navigate these difficult years. The more you lecture and punish and make this a confrontational time in his eyes, even if you don't mean to, the less he will look to you for help and support. </p><p></p><p>I would start to ask school why they are not giving him a safe place to go to when the pressure is too much for him and he wants to be away from the other kids? Clearly he needs a space to be away from them. He is showing this with his behavior, it is clear as day. So why are they not giving him this? If he likes to help, why not let him. Why not let him help with a group of kids. ANY kid can help if you let them. You have to figure out how to motivate them and guide them. For some kids it is carrying a box from here to there, even if it doesn't really need to go there. If it gives the child a purpose and a focus, and makes him feel useful, it can be a helpful thing. Often the child will do it as a favor for a teacher that he likes or respects. For some kids it can help reset things if they are explosive. I have seen it work. </p><p></p><p>I just cannot figure out why they are letting the other kids bully your son. I wonder what an advocate would do with your IEP? Have you considered trying to get one to help you?</p><p></p><p>Please at least consider letting school handle school battles. Your son has to cope with school for most of his day, then he comes home and has to rehash the whole mess again, and get into trouble for it all a second time. I would dread coming home. When does he get to just relax and be a person, a kid, a human being, himself, to destress? I made the mistake of fighting school battles at home and it literally destroyed my relationship with my son for many years. It took into his adult years for us to rebuild any kind of relationship that was positive. Please don't make my mistakes. Let the adults at school fight their own battles. Fight for your son at school, don't fight against your son on school's behalf at home.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 711022, member: 1233"] My answer isn't going to be popular here. I would stop lecturing and punishing him at home. I would start lecturing and punishing the school, holding THEM accountable, making THEM figure more of this out. Yes, your son's behavior needs to change, but you are heading into the teen years. He is going to shut down more and more with regards to you and he is going to need you more and more to navigate these difficult years. The more you lecture and punish and make this a confrontational time in his eyes, even if you don't mean to, the less he will look to you for help and support. I would start to ask school why they are not giving him a safe place to go to when the pressure is too much for him and he wants to be away from the other kids? Clearly he needs a space to be away from them. He is showing this with his behavior, it is clear as day. So why are they not giving him this? If he likes to help, why not let him. Why not let him help with a group of kids. ANY kid can help if you let them. You have to figure out how to motivate them and guide them. For some kids it is carrying a box from here to there, even if it doesn't really need to go there. If it gives the child a purpose and a focus, and makes him feel useful, it can be a helpful thing. Often the child will do it as a favor for a teacher that he likes or respects. For some kids it can help reset things if they are explosive. I have seen it work. I just cannot figure out why they are letting the other kids bully your son. I wonder what an advocate would do with your IEP? Have you considered trying to get one to help you? Please at least consider letting school handle school battles. Your son has to cope with school for most of his day, then he comes home and has to rehash the whole mess again, and get into trouble for it all a second time. I would dread coming home. When does he get to just relax and be a person, a kid, a human being, himself, to destress? I made the mistake of fighting school battles at home and it literally destroyed my relationship with my son for many years. It took into his adult years for us to rebuild any kind of relationship that was positive. Please don't make my mistakes. Let the adults at school fight their own battles. Fight for your son at school, don't fight against your son on school's behalf at home. [/QUOTE]
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