Sad about my Dad

Discussion in 'Family of Origin' started by SomewhereOutThere, Aug 19, 2018.

  1. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    It has been a little over a year that my father died. We are using his car that he drove for twenty years because our new old car is in the shop and Jumper lent it to us. After he first passed, I was too heartbroken to drive in it, but I wanted to keep it in the family, with a loved one. Jumper's fiance drives it to work every day. Its good on gas. But this week Hunter is driving to his work site (which is never that close) with a few friends from work so he needs his bigger truck. So we got my dads car that he had driven for so long.

    I rode in Dad's car last night and it was so odd. I felt him there. I started to cry. I am a crybaby. Husband had to hold me to quiet me down.

    I love you, Dad, for loving me when nobody else did and for all you did for me. I will love you every minute for being kind when others were not. I love you and Grandma this way...special.

    Some days I am sorry things turned out this way. Maybe....but there was no other way this could have turned out. Sometimes I wish my siblings and I had been as close as Dad had wanted us to be.

    That would have made him happy.

    I dream of him a lot. Maybe tonight.
     
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2018
  2. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Thinking of you. I think of both my parents a lot especially my mom. However today I am thinking of my dad as he was born 101 uears ago today. He passed at the age of 96.
     
  3. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Toughlovin, I hear you and wow...exactly on this day. He lived a long hopefully great life. My father was 93. I have to remember he had a good life. The car was harder for me than the anniversary of his death. But I remember the last time I saw him. That day was sad too. Thanks for your response.
     
  4. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    M drives my mother's car. A 1990 Honda accord. Which I guess is the family car because m won't drive mine, a stick.

    Sometimes I forget to remember my mother when I ride with him. And when I remember that I forgot, that makes me sad.

    A couple days ago I told m, I can't believe my mother is dead. (It will have been 5 Years in 3 weeks. )

    M said: you were there. How can you say that?

    But there we are.

    I dream of my mother, too.

    It is hard at our age, swot, to reconcile our lives. The good. The bad. How we got to this place. At least it is hard for me.

    I wonder about my sister, how she deals with it. Never answering our phone calls. Refusing to see my mother as she died. How does she deal with not knowing what happened to her mother's remains? Never asking.

    My sister has set up a law practice. Her face is all over the internet. She looks great. How does she do it? When I have been such a wreck.

    So here we are swot. You suffer. I suffer. Because we have always had loving and open hearts.

    When you think of it that way a little pain is a small price to pay.

    Your dad is with you. With love.
     
  5. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Copa. If your mother loved your sister, and I assume she did, I can not imagine her not being there for your mother at the end, never knowing where she rests. Sad.

    I dont miss my mother. She didnt love me, Copa. She never loved me, not even as an infant. And I did nothing that was so awful a normal mother would have not loved me.

    I went to my mothers funeral and had to look sad. I still remember how weird it was to be there.
    I went to comfort others only, which means my sister and me were "on" at the time. But I felt very much as if I had grieved my mother a decade before her death. I still would want to know where she lies and i do but I will never visit her grave in this life, not that I feel she is still there. My fathers grave I plan to visit, although his spirit is elsewhere.

    I think your sister did.not love your mother. I dont know why but feel you can only not visit, not want to know if the person abused you and there is no love. I know your mother loved her. I dont understand your sister's actions. I dont know your story with your sister either but I trust that it was not your fault, that you did not do anything mean to her.

    Copa, and I say this with a sad smile, internet pictures can make anyone look good. Maybe she doesnt look good. Perhaps she is vain and got a facelift. I always assume my sister uses some of her inheritance for all sorts of beauty enhancements. She is nearing 60 and is very very interested in looking hot. The preoccupation with appearance and body image is part of anorexia. I get it.

    I could have gotten face and body enhancements and you could have too.

    Your sister may suffer but not let you know. I am sure mine does. I didnt cause it...it was her own life choices and the coldness of my mother towards her as an infant and child caused her attachment disorder which I read she has been diagnosed with when I still read her posts on another site. My mother gutted all of us so that two of her three kids could not have a normal love relationship/family. Mother is the reason for her childrens many failed or bad relationships, even if I am the only one who knows about attachments (shrug). And my first husband was not a loving match either...we both got lucky with my current hub and your M.

    Copa, everyone does what they do for different reasons. You were so kind to your mother. And she is still with you and always will be.

    Let your sister go. I have not read a forum on the internet except this one for ages. No more reading my sister. Its really taken a weight off my shoulders.Our sisters are not our problems. Our own lives are.
     
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2018